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Aug. 7, 2024

Cherished Memories and the Chaos Preparing for a New Life 213

Cherished Memories and the Chaos Preparing for a New Life 213

What happens when the joy of welcoming a new life collides with the chaos of preparation? Join us as we share the highs and lows of Paisley Reign's baby shower, from the intense emotions of planning and hosting to the bittersweet moments of seeing it all come to an end. We'll talk about the concept of nesting and the transformation of our home, while reflecting on the invaluable support we've received. You'll hear how we've managed to find strength during challenging times and the importance of growing through struggles.

Ever lost your keys at the worst possible moment or found yourself dealing with multiple leaks? We recount our chaotic weekend filled with mental overload and humorous mishaps, including losing camper keys and forgetting essential items. Whether it's the surreal experience of seeing a pregnant wife practice with a stroller or navigating home renovations, our stories highlight the reality of juggling impending parenthood with everyday life. Expect some laughs as we share our mutual meltdowns and how we managed to find humor and strength in the chaos.

Familial relationships can be a rollercoaster, especially during significant life events. We discuss the overwhelming emotions of Paisley's baby shower, focusing on the joy of supportive friends and family and the disappointment of absent loved ones. Reflecting on recent losses, we emphasize the importance of fostering genuine connections and the resolve to protect Paisley from insincere relationships. From rekindling bonds to navigating the cyclical nature of life and death, this episode underscores the power of positive, authentic connections in creating cherished memories and a loving future.

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Chapters

00:00 - Preparing for Baby and Big Events

10:17 - Parental Overwhelm and Chaos

21:37 - Family Celebrations and Absent Loved Ones

26:51 - Overflowing Love and Gratitude

38:54 - Navigating Loss and New Life

48:11 - Rekindling Relationships and Prioritizing Love

59:48 - Loud Proud American Podcast Episode

Transcript
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00:00:00.641 --> 00:00:27.731
A few days have passed since little Paisley Rain's baby shower and we still can't seem to find the words to accurately describe our emotions and experience Together on Share the Struggle Podcast, we are going to do our best to put our milestone weekend into perspective as we prepare for our new edition, but we must first pay our respects to an extremely special lady in Allie's life.

00:00:27.731 --> 00:00:31.006
Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.

00:00:31.006 --> 00:00:36.491
The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

00:00:36.491 --> 00:00:38.887
The choice is completely yours.

00:00:38.887 --> 00:00:50.564
Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

00:00:50.585 --> 00:00:55.034
If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.

00:00:55.034 --> 00:00:59.444
If you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations.

00:00:59.444 --> 00:01:05.134
Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you.

00:01:05.134 --> 00:01:10.171
When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.

00:01:10.171 --> 00:01:15.311
Most disagreements they stem from our own insecurities.

00:01:15.311 --> 00:01:22.974
You are right where you need to be Back on time.

00:01:22.974 --> 00:01:24.659
We can back once.

00:01:24.659 --> 00:01:37.980
The whole day gone, we'll be fine Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh, hot diggity.

00:01:38.021 --> 00:01:45.590
Damn, are we, we excited to be back with you.

00:01:45.590 --> 00:01:55.412
Episode 213, and it's more than just me 213 episodes yeah, that's crazy isn't it?

00:01:55.412 --> 00:01:57.637
Oh, I'm pretty impressed, good job.

00:01:57.637 --> 00:02:04.950
You know how many times I thought about quitting well, I hear about it every t there you go bingo.

00:02:04.950 --> 00:02:23.153
Oh damn, this is a commitment y'all, it is a commitment, a big ol', big ol' commitment, okay sorry, I was reading something.

00:02:23.260 --> 00:02:24.449
Yeah, we noticed, all of us noticed, because I was awkwardly.

00:02:24.449 --> 00:02:27.627
Yeah, we noticed, all of us noticed Because I was awkwardly, staring at you.

00:02:27.627 --> 00:02:32.711
I put a massive emphasis on silence and you weren't picking up on any of it.

00:02:32.872 --> 00:02:33.293
I'm sorry.

00:02:33.293 --> 00:02:34.281
Whatever?

00:02:34.320 --> 00:02:34.862
you were reading?

00:02:34.862 --> 00:02:36.707
Was it more important than our listeners?

00:02:37.830 --> 00:02:38.072
Never.

00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:39.645
Exactly Good answer.

00:02:39.645 --> 00:02:43.445
Welcome to the show, little baby mama.

00:02:43.445 --> 00:02:48.174
Thanks, it's kind of weird, I know it is right, but it's true.

00:02:49.161 --> 00:02:50.447
It's a cringe factor.

00:02:50.939 --> 00:02:53.524
It's real damn true.

00:02:53.524 --> 00:03:07.628
When the baby shower stuff is behind us, things start to really feel like they're closing in on us no pun intended, because we have this whole house torn apart right now as we prepare.

00:03:08.250 --> 00:03:08.950
What do they call this?

00:03:09.391 --> 00:03:09.831
Nesting.

00:03:10.612 --> 00:03:11.694
Yes, correct, good job.

00:03:12.099 --> 00:03:14.986
The only reason why I knew that is because Jared asked me how the nesting was going.

00:03:16.411 --> 00:03:17.353
It hadn't started.

00:03:17.780 --> 00:03:22.188
I was like Easter Well, we're a ways off.

00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:24.081
I'd like to get to Christmas first.

00:03:24.081 --> 00:03:33.090
I've been doing things here and there, but now that the baby shower's over, Right, exactly, I think the emphasis for us has been on the baby shower.

00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:38.492
We put a lot of time and effort into the baby shower, mostly you I'm going to give you the credit.

00:03:38.492 --> 00:03:39.604
You worked your ass off.

00:03:39.604 --> 00:03:44.312
The past week to two weeks is when I showed up and worked my ass off.

00:03:44.312 --> 00:03:45.425
Until then, it was all you.

00:03:46.980 --> 00:03:53.828
Yeah, and it's like bittersweet because I'm like thankful that it's over, but I love to plan a party, so it's.

00:03:55.284 --> 00:03:56.319
We love planning parties.

00:03:56.319 --> 00:04:08.461
I often feel like when we have the party, it's so hard to be like the planner, the host and like the reason for the party all at the same time.

00:04:08.461 --> 00:04:09.082
You know what I mean.

00:04:09.082 --> 00:04:12.151
It's one thing to plan a party and execute it for something.

00:04:12.151 --> 00:04:20.345
It's a whole other scenario when, like, that party is a monumental moment in your life, like our wedding or our first child.

00:04:20.345 --> 00:04:20.925
You know what I mean.

00:04:20.925 --> 00:04:26.360
Yeah, I agree, because you end up trying to child.

00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:26.781
You know what I mean.

00:04:26.781 --> 00:04:34.728
Yeah, I agree, because you end up trying to entertain and please everyone, so you lose sight of the things that you need to do for yourself you know, like we didn't take the time to really like take photos together.

00:04:35.331 --> 00:04:48.471
No, we have a couple of pictures with friends and family, but like we didn't, you know, I think a lot of people just took pictures of us opening things together, like for us to actually take a moment, you know that really didn't, didn't happen, I mean in our defense.

00:04:48.471 --> 00:04:57.764
We were busy, but I mean the day before we did have an entire photo shoot that was an hour long, of just us taking photos, capturing the moment of us being no and I get it.

00:04:57.824 --> 00:05:01.846
I was just trying to capture the moment for all your hard work that went into the the day itself.

00:05:01.846 --> 00:05:17.648
You know I appreciate that, but I think when you structure so many activities in the course of a couple of days, it's hard to like nail everything you know, and it's hard to execute everything the way that you ultimately envision.

00:05:17.648 --> 00:05:18.048
You know.

00:05:18.261 --> 00:05:28.125
Yeah, I mean, like I love to plan a party and I've done event planning and coordinating before and it's better to experience the.

00:05:28.125 --> 00:05:35.915
For me, anyway, it's better to experience the event that you put on if it's not for you.

00:05:35.915 --> 00:05:43.569
Yeah, does that make sense Because you can see it open to close and if something's going to happen, you can.

00:05:43.569 --> 00:05:45.680
You can step in and take care of any situation.

00:05:46.781 --> 00:05:53.560
Um, I was an events manager for highly dealership so, like I know what it's like to plan um big events.

00:05:53.600 --> 00:06:05.334
I've been a part of some massive events and, um, like when you can see disaster, avoid disaster, save yourself from disaster all those things are key.

00:06:05.334 --> 00:06:18.209
When you're planning something and working so tirelessly on something important for you specifically, like your family, it's hard to step away and take care of those things.

00:06:18.209 --> 00:06:18.670
You know what I mean.

00:06:18.670 --> 00:06:26.442
So it just makes it so much tougher because you're you're trying to entertain but you're also trying to not avoid ignore people.

00:06:26.442 --> 00:06:28.867
You know what I mean Because you're so focused on it.

00:06:28.867 --> 00:06:35.678
That's one of the challenges that I feel like I had over the weekend is all the time and effort that went into that.

00:06:35.678 --> 00:06:50.519
One day you're doing the best you can to travel around and make sure you check in with everyone, and you're really more hopeful that everybody else is having a great time with everyone and you're really more hopeful that everybody else is having a great time, more so than you are hopeful that you're having a great time, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

00:06:50.620 --> 00:07:09.235
That's kind of how I always feel about it yeah, I totally agree so, all those things aside, the only reason we're bringing that up is now that all the planning and all the you know like hard work and like all the creative stuff that went into that big event is over.

00:07:09.235 --> 00:07:14.081
Like, for us, it moves on to getting ready for her to show up, right, yeah?

00:07:14.100 --> 00:07:15.221
we have.

00:07:15.221 --> 00:07:24.415
I mean technically, if you look at the map and according to the doctors, we have four weeks to go.

00:07:24.954 --> 00:07:35.411
Hard gulp, like that's 38 weeks is full term and it's about 38 weeks that they want us to deliver.

00:07:35.411 --> 00:07:38.269
So I mean that could change, of course.

00:07:38.269 --> 00:07:44.932
But yeah, that's a hard pill to swallow because we haven't really been focusing on that.

00:07:44.932 --> 00:07:52.944
I've just been taking in the blessing of being pregnant and enjoying every minute of it.

00:07:52.944 --> 00:07:59.834
So, yeah, and like nothing for us really has changed, like we're still on the road, like you know, we still have a farm to run.

00:07:59.834 --> 00:08:17.262
I'm still working full time, um, and in our house, like nothing has really changed either, because I uh, leading up to this point, was told by everyone, um, to not buy anything, because everyone was going to buy things for you.

00:08:17.262 --> 00:08:22.841
Yeah, so we just held back, like we just, you know, waited, and I would pick up like a few things here and there.

00:08:22.882 --> 00:08:35.759
We didn't really like, uh, throw down, like the baby gauntlet that we currently possess in our garage, you know what I mean, but that makes things feel quite a bit different when, all of a sudden, you have all these baby products.

00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.607
Like you said, we've been just living life, yep, you know.

00:08:38.607 --> 00:08:45.111
The only thing that's changed is I've lightened up our schedule a little bit, yeah yeah, just to kind of be prepared.

00:08:45.111 --> 00:08:51.493
With that said, I'm kind of switching over to really trying to get prepared for our two biggest events of the year.

00:08:51.493 --> 00:08:55.910
Like everything rides on the success of these next two major events for us.

00:08:56.460 --> 00:08:58.227
So that's where a lot of my focus has gone.

00:08:58.227 --> 00:09:03.274
I have some custom order stuff to get through, but our schedule is kind of light.

00:09:03.274 --> 00:09:12.922
When it comes to events, I'm picking up one small one here in the future only purely because we need the money, not because it's convenient, because it's not, but we just need the funds.

00:09:12.922 --> 00:09:17.129
So we suffer from a case of the uh lack of funza.

00:09:17.129 --> 00:09:21.162
So you know, just uh, squeezing that in there.

00:09:21.162 --> 00:09:42.943
But in the meantime of trying to prepare for our two biggest events of the year, we have to prepare for the biggest event of our fucking lives yeah, me about to push a bowling ball out of my yeah yeah, sorry for the little nervous folks but I had to put an emphasis on shit's about to get real.

00:09:44.046 --> 00:09:47.472
Yeah, yeah, we have birthing class tomorrow, oh my.

00:09:47.493 --> 00:09:51.325
God, you said that right as I was controlling my breathing Good job.

00:09:51.745 --> 00:09:53.109
I know that's called Lamaze.

00:09:53.971 --> 00:09:56.525
Yeah, well, I thought that was like a bike race.

00:09:59.059 --> 00:10:00.405
No, it's a breathing method.

00:10:00.426 --> 00:10:02.384
Lamaze, isn't that right up there with Tour de France?

00:10:03.568 --> 00:10:14.860
No, no, I isn't that right up there with tour de france no, no, I have a question for you hit me, yeah uh, speaking of our um baby fiesta situation downstairs.

00:10:14.860 --> 00:10:26.332
How did you, how did you feel the other day watching me take my stroller for a walk, just to practice yeah, yeah, that was suspicious.

00:10:27.434 --> 00:10:30.883
I was down in a ditch weed whacking.

00:10:30.883 --> 00:10:36.714
I was whacking it wicked hard all the weeds and uh got a good sweat going.

00:10:36.714 --> 00:10:39.383
Good glue going toby was just here.

00:10:39.383 --> 00:10:58.202
Tlr property services shout out to them for coming over and taking down the old high bush for us doing some yard cleanup and I was weed whacking and, much to my beady little eye surprise, I looked up and to see my pregnant wife pushing an empty stroller.

00:10:58.764 --> 00:10:59.426
It wasn't empty.

00:10:59.426 --> 00:11:00.389
There's a stuffed animal in it.

00:11:00.389 --> 00:11:00.769
Did you put your?

00:11:00.789 --> 00:11:01.952
candle open there no.

00:11:01.952 --> 00:11:05.005
I thought, for sure the dog was going to be clipped in there.

00:11:05.326 --> 00:11:06.889
No, I don't want it covered in dog hair.

00:11:07.311 --> 00:11:08.253
Well, just saying no.

00:11:08.700 --> 00:11:10.485
Your mom put a stuffed animal moose in there.

00:11:10.485 --> 00:11:11.607
I left it in there.

00:11:11.607 --> 00:11:13.412
Oh good, it was in the car seat.

00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:15.707
Yeah, that was a bit of a surprise Something to get used to.

00:11:15.707 --> 00:11:29.066
I think this we can really put everything into a reality perspective.

00:11:29.086 --> 00:11:29.567
Right, yeah and um.

00:11:29.567 --> 00:11:38.761
Now, like, as the house is torn up, as we're trying to finagle where things are going to go and how we're going to do things in between getting ready for the event, like everything just seems quite a bit real.

00:11:38.761 --> 00:11:41.304
I'm going to make my confession here.

00:11:41.304 --> 00:11:51.076
Uh, hand on the Cabela's catalog, eye to the sky, I've realized that my mental capacity is like in overload.

00:11:51.076 --> 00:11:54.386
I'm forgetting things, I'm losing things.

00:11:54.386 --> 00:11:55.370
You know what I mean.

00:11:55.370 --> 00:11:58.267
Like we're there's so much on our plate right now.

00:11:58.721 --> 00:12:03.083
Like I truly felt like this weekend there was moments of me being like I don't even know what I'm doing.

00:12:03.083 --> 00:12:10.451
Like I don't know how many times I had to a couple things.

00:12:10.451 --> 00:12:21.014
Number one the fiasco trying to figure out electricity on the camper, uh all because we decided to put the jacks down three feet short of where the plug goes.

00:12:21.014 --> 00:12:34.347
Then I had to drive all around the country to only end up just having Lee drop a cord off and fix it, sprouting a massive leak in the camper because I had forgotten I took the sink off, losing the camper keys.

00:12:35.234 --> 00:12:38.828
And then the fact that we twice Springing a leak in the bathroom of our house.

00:12:40.261 --> 00:12:41.065
That was also fun.

00:12:41.320 --> 00:12:41.864
For who?

00:12:41.903 --> 00:12:55.171
knows how long you found that I was at the campground because we dropped our camper off for Steve and Amanda and me and Steve are connecting the water and when I turned the water on it was a flood coming out of the front of the camper.

00:12:55.171 --> 00:13:06.653
So we shut that water off and I crawled in there and me and him fixed that and then only to hear from you that you're dealing with the exact same problem in our freaking bathroom.

00:13:06.913 --> 00:13:22.974
Yeah, I had just gotten out of the shower because I needed to hurry up and get hair and makeup done for our photo shoot, and I like step out of the shower and directly in front of me was the what was that thing called Sink.

00:13:22.974 --> 00:13:25.061
Yeah, like.

00:13:25.942 --> 00:13:26.644
Oh, vanity.

00:13:26.644 --> 00:13:29.591
Thank you, I don't thank you, I just drew a blank mommy brain.

00:13:30.133 --> 00:13:37.121
Um, there was like a puddle of water underneath it and I was like I know that I didn't go splish splash taking a bath.

00:13:37.121 --> 00:13:37.783
You know what I mean?

00:13:37.783 --> 00:13:41.408
This was a quick like wash up shower get in, get out.

00:13:41.408 --> 00:13:44.914
Wash your nuts, get out, you know yeah um.

00:13:45.196 --> 00:13:49.543
So I was like, why is there water coming out of my vanity?

00:13:49.543 --> 00:13:51.527
Like that's suspicious.

00:13:51.527 --> 00:14:00.919
So I had to take everything out and like, thankfully I am an organizing freak and I put everything in totes and drawers and baskets.

00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:01.402
I'm sorry, what'd you say?

00:14:01.402 --> 00:14:02.726
I said that's true, you put everything in totes and baskets.

00:14:02.726 --> 00:14:03.008
That's true.

00:14:03.008 --> 00:14:03.470
I'm sorry, what did?

00:14:03.630 --> 00:14:03.791
you say?

00:14:03.791 --> 00:14:04.293
I said that's true.

00:14:04.293 --> 00:14:05.658
You put everything in totes and baskets.

00:14:05.658 --> 00:14:05.919
I do.

00:14:06.379 --> 00:14:11.388
So that probably saved half, if not more than half, of the stuff that was in there.

00:14:11.388 --> 00:14:24.022
There was just like two totes that were canvas, totes that were collecting water, that were like one of yours is wooden and it was like changed colors because it had been holding water for a little bit of time.

00:14:24.581 --> 00:14:26.563
That's a tough thing is I feel like this weekend.

00:14:26.563 --> 00:14:43.278
I reached a moment, maybe on Monday, when I said there's so much in my life that's just flying by unnoticed because we're so preoccupied with everything else that I kind of had like a meltdown because it's like what am I doing?

00:14:43.278 --> 00:14:44.883
Should I be on the road doing this shit?

00:14:44.883 --> 00:15:00.154
Like there's a million things at home that are falling apart, that need to be taken care of, and I'm getting ready to get back on the road and I'm talking about next year changing my schedule almost entirely and then living on the road outside of New England.

00:15:00.154 --> 00:15:02.567
So we're the newborn on the way.

00:15:02.567 --> 00:15:04.967
I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend.

00:15:07.100 --> 00:15:07.421
Oh, me too way.

00:15:07.441 --> 00:15:08.322
I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend.

00:15:08.322 --> 00:15:08.543
Oh, me too.

00:15:08.543 --> 00:15:12.009
I had a couple of them going back to like the mental capacity to put it in perspective for people.

00:15:12.009 --> 00:15:29.687
We um had our camper at the saloon and we drove over there, closed up the camper we're getting ready to hitch it up and take off and realized, oh shoot, I don't have the truck keys so we can't connect the camper.

00:15:29.687 --> 00:15:44.724
So we decided to go back bright and early the next morning to grab the camper, only to get into the parking lot and me say, oh shit, I didn't grab the keys again.

00:15:44.985 --> 00:15:47.028
Oh my God, twice, twice lot and me say, oh shit, I didn't grab the keys again, Mm-hmm.

00:15:48.231 --> 00:15:50.846
Oh my God, Twice, twice, we forgot the keys.

00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:58.585
People say mommy, brain's a thing, but daddy brain is a thing too, man, I'm worried.

00:15:58.625 --> 00:16:00.494
I'm going to leave the kid outside by accident.

00:16:00.494 --> 00:16:01.015
You know what I mean.

00:16:02.182 --> 00:16:08.187
I mean you did leave the trunk of my car open during a rainstorm I did that this weekend too.

00:16:08.346 --> 00:16:28.828
Yeah, we had a lot of water situations and I know that, like baby showers, are called showers for a reason but, like I'm done if anybody lives in new england, they that are listening you you might recall, on Friday, one of the craziest thunderstorms ever.

00:16:28.828 --> 00:16:29.770
It was so loud.

00:16:29.770 --> 00:16:33.746
I woke up so many times I got very little sleep.

00:16:33.746 --> 00:16:37.210
I realized that I left a speaker outside at Bentley's.

00:16:37.210 --> 00:16:40.668
Thankfully, somebody from New York grabbed that sucker and put it on the porch.

00:16:40.668 --> 00:16:50.609
I haven't taken a look at any drastic, drastic damage, but I chalked it up as that thing being toast and uh must have been four or five in the morning.

00:16:50.649 --> 00:16:53.682
You looked out the window and well, it was like it stopped.

00:16:53.744 --> 00:16:57.812
the storm had like subsided and then another one rolled in.

00:16:57.812 --> 00:17:10.189
That was just as bad and I was like at this point, like it's light out and I was like, oh, I wonder if it's flooding outside or what the case may be, because it said flood warnings.

00:17:10.189 --> 00:17:15.051
So I looked outside and I was like you have got to be fucking kidding me.

00:17:15.381 --> 00:17:16.324
That's exactly how that went.

00:17:17.026 --> 00:17:17.808
What, what's the matter?

00:17:17.808 --> 00:17:20.404
And I was like my trunk is open.

00:17:20.826 --> 00:17:23.811
Yeah, yeah, that was me.

00:17:23.932 --> 00:17:24.894
Both storms.

00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:32.260
We came home late.

00:17:32.260 --> 00:17:45.550
Our time schedule somehow went completely out the window because in the turlet we budgeted to have a lobster, bake 30 lobsters around six or seven dinner time I think we had those bitches around 11 or 12.

00:17:45.730 --> 00:17:50.549
I mean it was late, yeah, but the time we got home with the lobsters.

00:17:50.740 --> 00:18:01.804
We had to come home do barn chores and I grabbed the cooler out of the trunk, which in my defense is probably a four-foot cooler, and I carried that sucker.

00:18:01.824 --> 00:18:03.169
It was a pretty big cooler, it was massive.

00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:07.971
I carried that sucker into the garage, just shut the door and said to bed, I was done.

00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:11.508
You did too, because your mom stuck her head out the window and was like how'd it go?

00:18:11.508 --> 00:18:13.744
And you were like don't even talk to us.

00:18:14.039 --> 00:18:17.647
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it, I just had lobster at midnight To bed.

00:18:17.647 --> 00:18:27.301
Yeah, we took nap.

00:18:27.301 --> 00:18:28.688
I was so convinced in that it was time to sleep.

00:18:28.688 --> 00:18:30.455
I didn't even make time to shut the trunk your hatch was completely open.

00:18:30.455 --> 00:18:31.460
Thankfully, we opted for those plastic mats.

00:18:33.144 --> 00:18:35.508
Yeah, what are the safeguard or whatever they are.

00:18:35.528 --> 00:18:40.384
Oh god, it's not sponsored but no, should be weather tech.

00:18:40.384 --> 00:18:41.244
They're made in amer.

00:18:41.244 --> 00:18:42.287
They should sponsor us.

00:18:42.287 --> 00:18:58.151
Anyways, it's been crazy and to think that pretty soon there's going to be a little being that's completely dependent on me and my decision making and the fact that I don't know if I've actually wiped my ass or shut the door.

00:18:58.151 --> 00:19:03.546
I don't know, you know, oh, my gosh dude, this is true.

00:19:03.586 --> 00:19:05.090
This is true.

00:19:05.090 --> 00:19:06.756
This is true.

00:19:06.816 --> 00:19:10.880
Wow, we're supposed to be talking about a baby shower, but I just got overwhelmed with the fact that-.

00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:13.849
This is all what happened during our weekend baby shower.

00:19:13.849 --> 00:19:16.549
Like it was nuts.

00:19:16.549 --> 00:19:24.292
But I mean, here's the deal, though, Like it wouldn't be a Liberty weekend without some sort of-.

00:19:24.292 --> 00:19:28.099
Utter chaos, shit show.

00:19:28.099 --> 00:19:29.282
Yeah, we're just a bunch of chaos coordinators.

00:19:29.282 --> 00:19:31.125
Can we put that on our staff shirts?

00:19:31.125 --> 00:19:41.368
Sure we should well you do, call me your coordinator when we go djing and doing events can I just put chaos.

00:19:41.650 --> 00:19:42.371
Quality control.

00:19:42.991 --> 00:19:45.759
That's what you call me, yeah, anyway.

00:19:46.903 --> 00:19:49.067
To get back to the opening of the show.

00:19:49.067 --> 00:19:51.512
This is all kind of connecting folks.

00:19:51.512 --> 00:20:04.423
We're all on the same subject here, but I truly have taken days to sum up how we're feeling about what we just experienced and I really, truly can't put it into words.

00:20:04.423 --> 00:20:10.251
Okay, I don't know the best thing to properly say like hey, here's how I can describe it to you.

00:20:10.251 --> 00:20:11.631
We're absolutely blessed.

00:20:11.631 --> 00:20:16.876
And then adjective, adjective verb awesomeness, fireworks, card and balloon.

00:20:16.876 --> 00:20:20.153
If I knew what those things were, I would use it.

00:20:20.294 --> 00:20:24.215
Yeah, yeah, pick on the marching band.

00:20:24.215 --> 00:20:25.585
You know what I mean.

00:20:25.951 --> 00:20:26.624
The mariachi band.

00:20:27.226 --> 00:20:29.493
I like the mariachis quite a bit better.

00:20:29.493 --> 00:20:35.811
Maybe factor in some belly dancers and some bagpipes, and then that might kind of describe it.

00:20:36.073 --> 00:20:36.473
Okay.

00:20:37.276 --> 00:20:39.530
I don't know, man, I can't play bagpipes.

00:20:39.530 --> 00:20:46.738
You've seen enough of my belly, so we're alone here, I think we're alone now.

00:20:46.738 --> 00:20:48.085
Nope, I'm pregnant.

00:20:48.085 --> 00:20:49.030
Doesn't seem to be anyone around.

00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:49.595
I think we're alone now.

00:20:49.595 --> 00:20:50.118
Nope, I'm pregnant.

00:20:50.118 --> 00:20:51.005
Doesn't seem to be anyone around.

00:20:51.005 --> 00:20:53.712
I think we're alone now.

00:20:53.712 --> 00:20:59.837
You reached for that one, the beating of our hearts is the only sound.

00:20:59.837 --> 00:21:02.519
I don't even know where that came from.

00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:04.991
I don't either I can't even remember those lyrics.

00:21:05.726 --> 00:21:07.531
I can't wait to hear this in my headphones tomorrow.

00:21:07.571 --> 00:21:10.371
I'm telling you right now Might be a panty dropper.

00:21:10.371 --> 00:21:17.074
I am lucky that you are pregnant right now, because in nine months you'd be having another.

00:21:17.074 --> 00:21:18.215
You know what I'm saying, mm-hmm.

00:21:18.576 --> 00:21:19.057
I hear you.

00:21:19.204 --> 00:21:20.672
I saw that twinkle in your eyes.

00:21:21.827 --> 00:21:27.195
You should have seen the twinkle in my eyes when I got the preview on those photos from our photo shoot.

00:21:27.195 --> 00:21:34.019
I was like, oh hello, Hello, cowboy she was seeing the twinkie in my thighs.

00:21:34.019 --> 00:21:36.171
Moving on.

00:21:37.165 --> 00:21:42.790
Back to reality here, in effort to try to describe this weekend.

00:21:43.505 --> 00:21:44.608
It was overwhelming.

00:21:44.608 --> 00:21:46.294
Overwhelming is key.

00:21:46.555 --> 00:21:49.275
I think that's a big word, overwhelming, key.

00:21:49.275 --> 00:21:49.394
How.

00:21:49.394 --> 00:21:51.684
I think that's a big word, overwhelming, that's key.

00:21:51.684 --> 00:21:55.516
Yeah, in so many good ways overwhelming.

00:21:55.805 --> 00:22:04.603
Like just I mean at one point, like we were both sitting down like opening presents and I looked over at you and I was just like I can't believe that this is all for us.

00:22:04.884 --> 00:22:05.005
Yeah.

00:22:06.326 --> 00:22:38.978
Like we are surrounded by so many people and paisley is loved already unconditionally by people that don't even know her like well, women, we don't know her either well, I mean, I feel like I have like a different connection because I can feel her every day moving and stuff and like obviously they say like mom and baby are forming like a different no, I get it but like, just for people to like go out of their way and spend their weekend to celebrate a, a newborn that they don't even know, like.

00:22:39.018 --> 00:22:50.275
I mean, I know that's what a baby shower is for, but just like, it's just like humbling, overwhelming yeah, humbling, overwhelming, blessed yeah, those things all keep coming up.

00:22:53.506 --> 00:23:14.928
Just like you said, there was that moment where we were like I can't believe all this is for us, when I looked over and I just saw a diaper and wipes pile that was just overflowing Right and going under the table and all the presents and all the gifts and things Overflowing right and going under the table and all the presents and all the gifts and things and I made a couple of just statements or speeches at the event.

00:23:14.928 --> 00:23:18.994
That was like we threw this party and we did it the way we did.

00:23:18.994 --> 00:23:22.500
Not because we are looking for gifts or handouts.

00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:32.152
It's more about looking for an opportunity, an opportunity to show people in our lives that we love them and to hope that they can show it back by just spending some time with us.

00:23:34.227 --> 00:23:43.256
I thought it was nice that you put in there that most of us get together because someone has passed or something like that.

00:23:43.256 --> 00:24:02.919
This was a different type of opportunity and it was really nice, and we're still getting messages that it was so much fun, we had a great time, like I don't even know where to begin and how to get to thanking everybody I genuinely don't and I'm gonna fly a plane over seriously united states the um.

00:24:03.705 --> 00:24:14.659
The fact that, like, just like you said, what we said on on Saturday was the last time we had this many people together for a positive occasion, was our wedding.

00:24:16.280 --> 00:24:17.020
Eight years ago.

00:24:17.346 --> 00:24:18.505
That's been eight years right.

00:24:18.965 --> 00:24:30.355
The only time we see that many people, that many familiar faces, is because we're together for a sad, depressing reason we're bidding farewell or saying goodbye to a loved one that has moved on.

00:24:30.355 --> 00:24:49.131
It was so surreal for us because it hasn't even been a year since losing my dad, a few months since losing my godfather from traveling to New York to say goodbye to Lance's dad, to you losing Meme, all those things.

00:24:49.131 --> 00:24:55.551
It hasn't been that long ago since my brother, dennis, passed away, right, all within the past couple of years.

00:24:55.551 --> 00:25:07.548
So you think about the times that this many of us are together are genuinely sad, depressing events and we really wanted to put one on the charts, on the calendar, in everybody's memory.

00:25:07.548 --> 00:25:09.132
That was positive.

00:25:09.594 --> 00:25:10.256
Yeah, I agree.

00:25:11.449 --> 00:25:28.453
And I thought it was oh so special already that Paisley's not even here yet and she's already brought together over 100 of our friends and family for a positive memory and a moment in their lives, something that they're always going to remember, because people came from all around for this event.

00:25:28.585 --> 00:25:34.372
Yeah, yep, new York, massachusetts, the whole crew from york that drove up over six hours.

00:25:34.913 --> 00:25:37.445
Big smoke with a smoker in the back of the truck.

00:25:37.465 --> 00:25:49.392
The whole damn way um you know ruth from sugarloaf all the way up north, yeah from all over all over maine, new england Mass Pretty damn special.

00:25:50.472 --> 00:26:10.997
It's crazy that you'll have I don't even know how to, I don't know the best way to put this, and we've kind of led into this many times before and we talked about this the other day when it comes to blood family, I think we invited maybe 25 or 30 people that are blood family right.

00:26:11.317 --> 00:26:13.890
Yeah, and they didn't show up, I think we had like what did we count?

00:26:13.950 --> 00:26:14.571
Six or eight?

00:26:14.571 --> 00:26:18.849
Yeah, Of the 30, you know, Like six or eight.

00:26:19.305 --> 00:26:19.444
And.

00:26:20.428 --> 00:26:35.029
I've said week to week that it's not about whether people can go or not and it's not about the gifts Like I understand if someone's busy, and it's not about the gifts Like I understand if someone's busy, it's a slap in the face when it's like close, close relatives.

00:26:35.029 --> 00:26:37.517
That not showing up is one thing.

00:26:37.517 --> 00:26:40.231
Totally ignoring us is a whole other thing.

00:26:40.231 --> 00:26:41.074
You know what I mean.

00:26:41.675 --> 00:26:41.875
Yeah.

00:26:42.204 --> 00:26:49.005
Like not even reaching out or deliberately going around us on something you know, I think it's just more heartbreaking than anything.

00:26:49.025 --> 00:26:51.469
Yeah us on something you know I think it's just more heartbreaking than anything.

00:26:51.489 --> 00:27:01.531
Like it was like for me, like looking at, like who was there was, was a real blessing and and and of course you know there are certain people that you understand that can't make it.

00:27:01.531 --> 00:27:11.009
But those people took the time to reach out and be like, hey, man, listen, like I really can't attend, but you know, like I'm gonna reach out with, I'm gonna meet up with you or I'll reach out and we'll, we'll make it time.

00:27:11.009 --> 00:27:20.773
But it was like those other people that, like you didn't see them reach out, like, hey, hope you have a good day, sorry I couldn't be there, nothing.

00:27:20.773 --> 00:27:28.527
And and to me that's heartbreaking for paisley because it's like you, you thought that there was a different kind of relationship there.

00:27:28.527 --> 00:27:40.238
So you looked forward and you started like forming those memories, not necessarily like forming them, but kind of like envisioning them, like how is this person going to interact with my, my daughter, or that sort of thing.

00:27:40.238 --> 00:27:46.826
And then you're just like, oh, so that's how you truly feel that's how you feel okay, heard you can do that to me.

00:27:47.067 --> 00:27:47.548
Yeah, I've.

00:27:47.548 --> 00:27:50.459
I'm grown, I'm strong enough.

00:27:50.459 --> 00:27:52.164
I've been through hurt before.

00:27:52.164 --> 00:27:53.647
I'm stronger than that.

00:27:53.647 --> 00:28:01.169
But you're, I'm not gonna subject my newborn, who's coming in here with just love and light.

00:28:01.169 --> 00:28:04.616
Yeah, for you to come in here and squash that I'm just not gonna let happen.

00:28:04.884 --> 00:28:14.720
The um reality of it is that I spent a lot of my childhood and adult life pretending that things were okay.

00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:29.125
I spent a lot of my life swallowing my feelings, my emotions that I was correct in feeling because I didn't want to jeopardize somebody else's relationship.

00:28:29.125 --> 00:28:40.577
So, what I'm saying by this is I put up with siblings that I knew didn't like me, siblings that I knew didn't love me because I didn't want them to not come around my dad.

00:28:40.945 --> 00:28:42.874
I didn't want them to not be around my mother.

00:28:42.874 --> 00:28:52.105
So I swallowed how I truly was feeling and I just put on the face so that they could keep that connection and relationship that they had.

00:28:52.105 --> 00:28:56.356
And I have learned that I'm not going to do that with my daughter.

00:28:56.356 --> 00:28:58.128
She's not going to have to go through that.

00:28:58.128 --> 00:28:59.050
I can read it out.

00:28:59.050 --> 00:29:00.494
Then I'm going to push you out.

00:29:00.494 --> 00:29:02.288
You know, what I mean.

00:29:02.288 --> 00:29:06.541
She's not going to be raised in a world where she has to pretend.

00:29:07.022 --> 00:29:10.430
She's not going to be raised in a world where I know you're pretending.

00:29:10.430 --> 00:29:12.253
Like I'm not going to stand for it.

00:29:12.574 --> 00:29:14.778
Right With all that said, it's not fair to her.

00:29:14.798 --> 00:29:15.219
No, it's not.

00:29:15.219 --> 00:29:15.505
With.

00:29:15.505 --> 00:29:30.474
All that said, we are so fortunate the people that showed up in waves and packs, the people that were there that spent time with us that I know how much they love Paisley already.

00:29:30.474 --> 00:29:35.316
Just like you said, it doesn't take blood to be family.

00:29:35.576 --> 00:29:44.038
It really doesn't, it really does not take blood to be family, and we're so fortunate by the family that we have been able to build over the past few years.

00:29:44.038 --> 00:30:00.683
Again, our circle of friends and support and family has changed so much since the day we got married that we were looking for this as an opportunity to connect some of those people that don't know each other or they weren't friends of ours when we got married.

00:30:00.703 --> 00:30:01.704
You know what I mean, yeah.

00:30:01.724 --> 00:30:13.652
So Paisley already brought so many people together, introduced new friends to each other and created such a memorable weekend for all of us, Because I think every single one of us had a great time.

00:30:13.752 --> 00:30:26.394
Yeah, and I think it was cool for us to see those new relationships form, those new friendships form with people that we've had in our lives in some way shape or form for a little bit of time or a long time.

00:30:26.394 --> 00:30:27.696
It was great.

00:30:28.417 --> 00:30:34.597
Even for my mom having a bunch of her co-workers come out and get to spend time with her on a for a positive reason.

00:30:34.597 --> 00:30:41.445
Um, there was a bunch of people coming up bringing us diapers and gifts and stuff that like we've never even met them yeah, you know what I mean.

00:30:41.566 --> 00:30:46.396
Yeah, like uh, jake and his brother, like time, yes like jake and his brother.

00:30:46.457 --> 00:30:47.871
Like for my mom's work, my mom's boss.

00:30:47.871 --> 00:30:48.695
Like making the.

00:30:48.695 --> 00:30:54.334
Like diaper cake scenario that like you've never met his brother and his mom made it and I've never met her.

00:30:54.334 --> 00:30:55.970
I think I met Jake, like once.

00:30:56.211 --> 00:30:57.474
Yeah, like that was it.

00:30:57.785 --> 00:31:07.368
The fact that people were just coming out and support unbelievable and, like we said, it was not about the gifts we got showered with gifts.

00:31:07.368 --> 00:31:14.900
We got showered with gifts Like we filled a school bus with gifts, and that's no exaggeration, because we brought our school bus.

00:31:16.305 --> 00:31:17.686
Let's just put this into perspective.

00:31:17.686 --> 00:31:27.318
When I filled the bus on Friday, it had just decorations and your DJ equipment and it was half full.

00:31:27.318 --> 00:31:30.303
Yeah, dj equipment and it was half full.

00:31:30.303 --> 00:31:40.845
Yeah, on Sunday when we were done, we had to go back with my car to get your DJ equipment because it wouldn't fit in the bus Unbelievable.

00:31:40.845 --> 00:31:46.357
That's how blessed we were across the board.

00:31:46.484 --> 00:31:48.713
Just like you said, overwhelmed.

00:31:48.713 --> 00:31:56.574
We're overwhelmed with blessings and we're overwhelmed with everything that was happening because you're like, you start to feel guilty, you start to feel like I don't deserve this.

00:31:56.574 --> 00:31:58.752
This isn't what I asked for you know Right.

00:31:58.752 --> 00:32:01.426
But you're blessed by all those positive things.

00:32:01.426 --> 00:32:01.886
You know what I mean.

00:32:01.886 --> 00:32:08.791
So it's a real just I don't know man, and it's just a ball of emotions because you're like man.

00:32:08.791 --> 00:32:14.455
I feel kind of guilty for all of this, like I don't want people to think that we threw this big party just to get gifts and stuff.

00:32:14.476 --> 00:32:15.116
That's not the point.

00:32:15.116 --> 00:32:16.938
We just wanted to spend time with everybody.

00:32:16.938 --> 00:32:21.622
We wanted to bring Paisley into this world with a positive memory.

00:32:21.622 --> 00:32:22.642
You know what I mean Absolutely.

00:32:31.244 --> 00:32:42.494
We've been through so many tough days that we just wanted to put all of our time and effort into making this memorable, you know, and we could sit on here and and thank every single person by name, and I would feel like crap because I would leave somebody out, so I'm going to try to avoid um doing that.

00:32:43.016 --> 00:32:55.327
But there is two names that I definitely want to bring up um steve and am Amanda, because the the, the gifts that they um made for us and um built for us.

00:32:55.909 --> 00:32:58.953
Steve made that um like little play box.

00:32:58.953 --> 00:33:32.720
That is phenomenal, and one of the things that got me about uh, steve making this is and this is one of the reasons why I'm bringing this up is that today, when I took the time to look that piece over and realized that like he put it together with dowels and he took a grinder to it to make it look vintage and authentic, and he just did all these little touches to him, and I was looking at all the craftsmanship that went into it and I instantly started thinking of my brother my brother David, because he was a woodworker and that was his passion.

00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:40.298
And then the X's that are in it and the um shiplap that's in it, like that's exactly how my dad would build something.

00:33:40.298 --> 00:33:54.016
And, um, when I called Steve to thank him, I literally said to him you might not realize this, but if my brother were alive, if my father was still here, they would have made this for me.

00:33:54.156 --> 00:33:55.900
Oh yeah, for sure, Absolutely.

00:33:56.585 --> 00:34:12.903
So it was so fitting because I feel like, if you look into things spiritually, I kind of feel like if my dad and my brother sniffed out that you know, one of our best friends was doing something like that for us, they were by his side during that you know, absolutely Yep.

00:34:13.405 --> 00:34:29.972
And you know, between everything that they made and all the time and effort they put into this weekend and helping us with everything and there's so many people that were like that All the handmade things that, like, julia made for you, you know, seriously, we're so beyond blessed.

00:34:29.972 --> 00:34:33.027
Julia made for you.

00:34:33.027 --> 00:34:41.153
You know, seriously, um, we're so beyond blessed and and I I truly would love to sit on here for an hour and and read through every message and say thank you to every single person, but I know that's pretty boring for everybody that's listening, so I'm not gonna.

00:34:41.153 --> 00:34:52.099
I'm not gonna do that, but I just want to say that like overwhelmed is a big, big way of putting it because, that's truly.

00:34:52.119 --> 00:35:02.494
it Overwhelmed with joy, overwhelmed with blessings, and during the whole event I was just emotionally, physically, everything.

00:35:02.494 --> 00:35:07.019
I was overwhelmed because I was just trying to make sure everybody was having a good time.

00:35:07.019 --> 00:35:11.135
I wanted to make sure that everybody felt it was worth it to be there.

00:35:11.204 --> 00:35:21.952
I want to make sure everybody felt welcome and they felt you know they felt the love and I wanted to make sure that everybody that brought something knew that we appreciated what they brought, no matter what it was.

00:35:21.952 --> 00:35:29.333
You know, In the end all that is overwhelming too, Cause, like you, you run out of emotion cause you're doing that so much.

00:35:29.655 --> 00:35:41.092
You know, yeah, I think is overwhelming too, because, like you, you run out of emotion because you're doing that so much.

00:35:41.092 --> 00:35:55.835
You know, yeah, I think it was sunday when we got home I was just done, totally just checked out with you know, like the, the baby shower, the last minute, um, you know, running around and then, um, getting some unfortunate news, like it was just like I'm just, I'm emotionally drained, I don't even have like the capacity to like chew my food.

00:35:56.315 --> 00:35:56.496
Yeah.

00:35:56.625 --> 00:35:59.153
Like I just, I just don't.

00:36:00.085 --> 00:36:04.615
You can have so many positive blessings in your life and then still be overwhelmed and burnt out by them.

00:36:04.717 --> 00:36:05.057
You know what I?

00:36:05.077 --> 00:36:27.925
mean, and that's part of it, and then we deal with all the other hidden things in the background at the same time that we're trying to navigate through and um it becomes a lot, and and then all of those things are overwhelming, like you said, because you're just trying to navigate all those things and like I've lost the mental capacity to um handle my tasks that are in front of me.

00:36:27.925 --> 00:36:38.833
Like if there's something physical for me to do, I can go out there and do it, but the mental things that I'm trying to do right now, like quotes and designs and graphics- and orders.

00:36:40.096 --> 00:36:42.449
Just can't, I can't, I can't even put it together.

00:36:42.449 --> 00:36:45.835
I don't even have the juice man.

00:36:45.835 --> 00:36:55.246
My orange is out of seeds and juice, it's just a big old peel, big old dried up peel yeah that's me.

00:36:57.449 --> 00:37:28.119
You kind of um hit on something that, um, I know that you're not looking forward to um bring it up and, uh, it's unfortunate that something that you've set in your mind as a milestone that you wanted to have happen for Paisley unfortunately isn't going to be able to happen in the way that you've always envisioned, and you've talked to everybody on here about it and I know it's not going to be the easiest thing.

00:37:28.119 --> 00:37:35.371
We knew what was coming and today your cousin Katarina called you.

00:37:35.371 --> 00:37:38.561
Yeah, and I don't know.

00:37:41.155 --> 00:37:54.570
Yeah, I got the news last or Thursday before the baby shower, that my Nana was awaiting hospice.

00:37:54.570 --> 00:38:48.704
So all while trying to navigate the baby shower and uh, last minute running around and all the overwhelming um tasks at hand, I had that um sitting on my heart and uh, so I got a phone call this morning that um, she had passed on and was very, very much at peace, was not struggling, was not suffering or in any sort of pain, but at 102, today was her last day and it's very heartbreaking but at the same time heartwarming, I guess you could say.

00:38:48.704 --> 00:38:50.527
She was 102.

00:38:50.527 --> 00:38:51.889
She had an amazing life.

00:38:54.818 --> 00:39:16.882
It's just unfortunate that she recently, within the last month and a half, was transferred to an assisted living, caught COVID and so unfortunately, that's the way that she went out and she's been on her own in her own home for the last 14, 15 years.

00:39:17.023 --> 00:39:21.092
And just so witty about her.

00:39:21.092 --> 00:39:42.362
It was just a month and a half ago that her and I were sitting in the living room and we were talking about you know, my great grandfather's Indian tribe that he was a part of, and she would tell you about you know past, you know experiences and where she used to work when she was 18.

00:39:42.362 --> 00:39:45.447
Like she was, so just with it.

00:39:45.447 --> 00:39:53.755
Unfortunately, she took a fall during the last month and that's really what just sent her over the edge.

00:39:53.755 --> 00:40:08.902
So I mean, it's been a crazy month with trying to plan last minute baby shower, stuff and um all while being seven months pregnant and trying to manage my own emotions.

00:40:08.902 --> 00:40:20.775
Um, I knew she had covet, I went to go visit her and I did not go in, uh, because they did let me know and um, that's how you found out, right you?

00:40:20.996 --> 00:40:22.420
did, went to go visit her.

00:40:22.762 --> 00:40:25.418
You walked in, yeah, and then they put a stop to it.

00:40:25.559 --> 00:40:39.288
Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, yeah, which I'm thankful that they did, because I can't put myself at risk because at any point between now and you know, 38 weeks, I could go into labor.

00:40:39.288 --> 00:40:43.215
So just making sure that you know I'm taking care of myself.

00:40:43.215 --> 00:40:49.117
Um, so, yeah, they stopped me and said, unfortunately, like you can't go in, she's under precautionary measures.

00:40:49.117 --> 00:41:14.284
Um, so it's just been a lot of uh again just trying to navigate my own emotions and, um, I guess my heart is happy for her that she's now with her husband and her two daughters.

00:41:14.284 --> 00:41:35.608
She's not suffering, but, selfishly, I I wish that she could have met Paisley, because she is my grandmother's mom.

00:41:35.608 --> 00:41:59.422
She's my great-grandmother and that's the last thing that I had left of my mom and I just had a glimpse of hope just to be able to see her hold paisley and just know that that was my mom too.

00:42:00.663 --> 00:42:12.391
Yeah, I know that as of like Wednesday or Thursday or so, we were trying to figure out how we were going to get her to the baby shower.

00:42:14.422 --> 00:42:26.119
Yeah, yeah, before that news, we were trying to get her a ride and picking her up and how do we figure this out?

00:42:26.119 --> 00:42:35.320
And this was all on Wednesday conversations with my cousin, katerina, and Amanda, who takes care of her we're trying to make sure and Nana's she knows all about Paisley.

00:42:35.320 --> 00:42:54.070
She saw the ultrasound pictures and she knows her name and she gave us a bed for her and made all these things for her, so it was very important for me to try and get her there, have her be a part of these moments.

00:42:54.070 --> 00:43:10.809
I'm blessed that she had the opportunity to have conversations with me and I, at this point, know that she has very much met Paisley.

00:43:10.809 --> 00:43:19.775
I have no doubt in my mind and so for that I'm grateful.

00:43:19.775 --> 00:43:25.244
But it's a lot of uh, it's a lot of emotions.

00:43:25.244 --> 00:43:40.967
Um, another reason why I'm just I'm just drained, I'm just checked out um, so many overwhelming emotions from you know this, good, bad and otherwise yeah.

00:43:43.811 --> 00:43:44.251
Overwhelmed.

00:43:44.251 --> 00:43:47.045
That's it.

00:43:47.045 --> 00:43:50.344
You know it's hard to process, it's hard to put in perspective.

00:43:50.344 --> 00:43:59.871
You know, like you said, I know that the dream for you for the longest time has to have that one photo that you can show.

00:43:59.871 --> 00:44:02.483
You know, basically like hey, this was you with your 102-year-old.

00:44:02.483 --> 00:44:03.056
You know great n can show you know paisley.

00:44:03.056 --> 00:44:03.313
Like hey, this was you with your 102 year old.

00:44:03.313 --> 00:44:04.356
You know great nana.

00:44:04.416 --> 00:44:26.068
You know um, but, like you just said, you might not have the photo with the 102 year old nana, but like she met paisley before you, you know, and um, she's gonna be there with you, uh, when, just like the rest of our family, when of our family, when we welcome her to this world.

00:44:26.068 --> 00:44:33.108
And it sucks that it has to continue to keep going this way.

00:44:33.108 --> 00:44:38.442
And it's always unfortunate that it seems like when we lose somebody we welcome somebody, when we welcome somebody, we lose somebody.

00:44:38.442 --> 00:44:48.047
And I feel like we've lost a lot more than we welcomed in the past few years and, uh, we just need a break yeah you know, we just need a break from all.

00:44:48.086 --> 00:44:56.617
This has been one of those things where we have just started saying to ourselves, like how much more do we have to go through?

00:44:56.617 --> 00:45:01.592
Like I I know we're only given what we can handle, but I'm feeling like I don't really want to handle anymore.

00:45:01.592 --> 00:45:02.592
You know yeah, that's what they say is that you know we're only given what we can handle, but I'm feeling like I don't really want to handle anymore.

00:45:03.936 --> 00:45:08.882
That's what they say You're never dealt a hand that you can't play.

00:45:08.882 --> 00:45:18.244
But I feel like I just keep playing these hands and proving myself and I just get dealt a shitty deck.

00:45:18.244 --> 00:45:20.501
I want a new dealer.

00:45:20.501 --> 00:45:22.784
I want a new dealer.

00:45:22.804 --> 00:45:23.791
I want a new dealer.

00:45:23.791 --> 00:45:26.240
Yeah, I hear you I want to reshuffle.

00:45:26.240 --> 00:45:36.103
I think it just prepares us for the blessings that we're about to receive, and hopefully that is a that's a coin flip for us.

00:45:36.324 --> 00:45:40.737
You know, Alright, you've proved it, here you go.

00:45:40.737 --> 00:45:47.206
Here's this blessing, here's this beautiful baby girl and hit the ground running.

00:45:47.206 --> 00:45:49.101
That's all I can hope for.

00:45:49.375 --> 00:45:50.420
We better hit the ground running.

00:45:50.420 --> 00:46:02.070
I can't take it anymore you know, that's the scary thing, is you get to the point where you're like man, I'm exhausted and I'm at that like breaking point, it feels like, and she ain't even here yet.

00:46:02.070 --> 00:46:07.045
So buckle up, buttercup, you know.

00:46:08.106 --> 00:46:08.347
Yeah.

00:46:09.036 --> 00:46:16.063
I mean all those things and those emotions have had me, like we said, like you go through those times where you're like, am I living my life the right way right now?

00:46:16.063 --> 00:46:24.614
Like should I just find stability and something that's dependable and just be home and just handle projects and do those things?

00:46:24.614 --> 00:46:32.268
Like there's a lot, man, there's a lot to ask yourself week to week about what's going on.

00:46:32.268 --> 00:46:42.510
Every time we feel like we have things figured out or we make a plan and we write that shit down and we're like, hey, this is what we're doing.

00:46:43.755 --> 00:46:48.364
Something happens right, and then you go eh-eh, that's not what you're doing.

00:46:49.135 --> 00:46:50.340
You're doing something else, pal.

00:46:50.862 --> 00:46:51.443
Try again.

00:46:51.934 --> 00:46:52.536
And what you're doing?

00:46:52.536 --> 00:46:55.304
You're driving home for the third time to find the truck keys because you forgot them.

00:46:55.304 --> 00:46:55.545
Again.

00:46:55.545 --> 00:46:56.797
That's what you're doing, pal.

00:46:57.518 --> 00:46:57.958
Yeah.

00:47:01.065 --> 00:47:33.302
Yeah, yep, I don't know, but as you're talking about your Nana and I think about all the recent opportunities you've had with her to spend time, the memories, the conversations, the fact that she called you out of the blue and gave you a bed for Paisley, and those things that you're always going to have, those little knitted sets that she made when I think of all of those things.

00:47:33.302 --> 00:47:39.182
Even when she moved out of her house and to her new place, she labeled everything she wanted to give to people.

00:47:39.262 --> 00:47:43.219
Everything, that's how with it she was.

00:47:43.239 --> 00:47:43.320
Yeah.

00:47:43.340 --> 00:47:45.525
That's the crazy thing, you know the thing that.

00:47:45.525 --> 00:47:46.527
Just two months ago.

00:47:46.954 --> 00:47:51.146
The thing that I want to point out, that I want to think about, is to all the day ones out there.

00:47:51.146 --> 00:48:10.811
All the people that have been listening since day one Many years ago Feels like now you had taken a shot at trying to rekindle a connection and a relationship with your nana, because far too often in this life the sins of our parents fall on us right.

00:48:11.474 --> 00:48:39.447
And Brian Pommel always used to tell me a thing like the sins of the father or the sins of the son, that sometimes, like the mistakes that your dad made or your mom made, those end up being mistakes that you get blamed for, that get held upon your head and the way things went with your family and your biological mother and her, those things were taken out on you and your brother you know and you had sent an invitation for our wedding and that got returned.

00:48:41.255 --> 00:48:46.762
So you took the leap of faith to try to rekindle that relationship and I remember a christmas card.

00:48:46.762 --> 00:48:54.144
You got a yeah, a christmas card and a letter um on christmas eve, I think it showed up christmas eve yep and um.

00:48:55.246 --> 00:49:10.398
That restarted the whole relationship and probably what three or four years ago yeah, because I mean, we've been doing the podcast now for almost four years, so yeah, um, and I feel like that was maybe like our first year in, so it was to the podcast.

00:49:10.398 --> 00:49:14.085
I remember I was talking about it on the yeah, we did on the podcast.

00:49:14.106 --> 00:49:27.003
So, um, kudos to you, because if you don't put yourself out there, if you don't risk your heart and your feelings again, then, um, number one, like you don't have all out there, if you don't risk your heart and your feelings again, then, number one, you don't have all of those memories at all right.

00:49:27.304 --> 00:49:29.623
Yeah, and you don't have any of those stories for Paisley.

00:49:29.623 --> 00:49:41.422
You're going to be able to tell her someday that when your baby shower was happening and your Nana was in the hospital, they were talking about your baby shower the whole time.

00:49:41.422 --> 00:49:42.485
Yeah, that, amanda was talking about your baby shower the whole time.

00:49:42.449 --> 00:49:52.333
Yeah, that Amanda was talking about you and about Paisley and about all those things and that that was giving her hope and a sense of light and peace.

00:49:52.333 --> 00:49:55.202
Yeah, so those stories are always going to be there.

00:49:55.202 --> 00:50:01.143
If you didn't put your heart and feelings out there, then this never would have happened.

00:50:01.405 --> 00:50:01.585
Right.

00:50:02.034 --> 00:50:09.425
And, to be completely honest, you probably wouldn't have known for another week or two that she even passed, because no one would have even trickled that information down to you.

00:50:09.425 --> 00:50:22.509
Instead, you were one of the first ones to know because they know how important she is to you and your relationship with her is because you more than proved yourself to her that she was important.

00:50:22.869 --> 00:50:23.030
Yeah.

00:50:23.916 --> 00:50:37.266
And so much so that your commitment to her proved to so many in that family how big your heart actually is and the fact that none of those things that you were blamed for as a child was fair to you.

00:50:38.268 --> 00:50:40.460
I agree that whole family sees that.

00:50:41.715 --> 00:50:45.121
That you know the actions of your parents were.

00:50:45.121 --> 00:50:49.309
The repercussions were handed down to you and your brother.

00:50:49.309 --> 00:51:00.927
And that wasn't fair and I think that a lot of grown ass adults realize that they acted like children and they took out the blame and the punishment on the wrong people.

00:51:00.927 --> 00:51:03.610
Absolutely.

00:51:03.931 --> 00:51:32.268
Yeah, especially hearing that you know my uncle, mike, who I don't have the greatest relationship with I mean not for any fault, we just don't see each other very often but he was also there with Nana during her last couple of days and Amanda had made me aware that he would constantly keep bringing me up, which that, to me, is a surprise.

00:51:32.268 --> 00:51:57.467
Yeah, but I think that's definitely what you're talking about is the fact that, you know, I've proven myself and it was never about that, it was never about proving myself to anybody else except for her the fact that I wanted her to know that, you know, I love with my whole heart, unconditionally and it was never my intention for her not to be a part of my life.

00:51:57.467 --> 00:52:04.454
You know, and I even had conversations with her about our wedding, um.

00:52:04.454 --> 00:52:15.822
You know, and I even had conversations with her about our wedding um, and that was really um, eye-opening to know that the invitation was sent but she never received it, right and not, not that she never received it, but someone else had intervened.

00:52:16.304 --> 00:52:19.076
And made sure that she didn't see it.

00:52:19.096 --> 00:52:21.483
Sends it back yeah, Return to sender.

00:52:21.483 --> 00:52:46.824
So you know, I had the opportunity to show her my wedding pictures and had her, you know, had those one-on-one conversations with her and you know, just thinking about it just every single time that I would go and visit and I would leave, I would tell her that I would love her and she would give me the biggest hug, and she just like wouldn't let go.

00:52:46.824 --> 00:52:55.922
Like it was just like so warm and it just felt like I'm hugging Nana but I'm also hugging my mom at the same time.

00:52:55.922 --> 00:52:56.605
You know what I mean.

00:52:56.655 --> 00:53:14.025
Like it was just like that hearty of a hug, hug like it was just like, so complete like if you don't live life with your heart and go at things with the best of intentions, then you don't mend those bridges and you don't prove those people wrong.

00:53:14.306 --> 00:53:42.045
You know what I mean because if you went into this situation with the wrong intentions or for the wrong reasons and you don't have the right outcome, so it just goes to show that, um you did things the right way and um that should be lessons for anybody today that if you can, um live your life with, um you know, leading with your heart and um keeping your intentions in the right place, then in the end things things all work out.

00:53:42.045 --> 00:54:07.228
And as hard as it is to not take that photo with Paisley and Nana, like the fact that you have all those memories and all those stories now that you wouldn't have had just five years ago, you have to hold on to those things and cherish those things and be thankful and know that, above and beyond, she lived an amazing, fulfilling life.

00:54:07.509 --> 00:54:08.190
Absolutely.

00:54:08.394 --> 00:54:09.699
One that anybody would be jealous of.

00:54:09.699 --> 00:54:14.266
You know Absolutely To think about all the things that she's seen at 102,.

00:54:14.266 --> 00:54:17.983
You know, oh, my gosh Her goal was 105.

00:54:17.976 --> 00:54:18.661
I know that's crazy.

00:54:18.661 --> 00:54:20.393
The goal was 105.

00:54:20.393 --> 00:54:20.534
I know.

00:54:22.737 --> 00:54:23.217
That's crazy.

00:54:23.217 --> 00:54:30.568
I never really asked because you don't really want to bring negativity into anybody's world, but I just hope she just avoided the news altogether.

00:54:30.907 --> 00:54:31.469
Oh she did.

00:54:31.469 --> 00:54:32.670
You know what I mean oh she did.

00:54:32.670 --> 00:54:34.800
Yeah, that was not something that she.

00:54:34.820 --> 00:54:36.554
You don't need to know all the nonsense that's going on in this world.

00:54:36.554 --> 00:54:39.585
Why cloud the perception of life?

00:54:43.494 --> 00:55:00.184
Because you think about all the changes and stuff she's seen you know, she, we would talk about um, the, the, the programs that she would watch, and it was like there was three programs that she would turn on the tv for and it didn't matter like what time of day you went there, the tv was never on yeah she would watch the birds.

00:55:00.344 --> 00:55:02.795
She would out her big bay window, she would watch traffic go by and you know when you went to go visit.

00:55:02.795 --> 00:55:02.927
Yeah, she would watch the birds.

00:55:02.927 --> 00:55:05.684
She would out her big bay window, she would watch traffic go by and you know when you went to go visit her.

00:55:05.684 --> 00:55:16.686
She would talk about every um, you know tom dick and harry like oh, this person moved in and they're renovating this house and you know, joni and her dog went walking today she's.

00:55:17.086 --> 00:55:18.952
She's walking with a cane today like she.

00:55:18.952 --> 00:55:30.766
She was just the town gossip, like she would tell you all the things, like that was all she needed, like so it was rather interesting, but it was always the wheel of fortune.

00:55:30.766 --> 00:55:41.121
That's how she would say it Family feud, and it was like the three of them that would come on right after the trifecta of old shows.

00:55:41.121 --> 00:55:44.641
Yes, and then she would turn it off she said immediately turn it off.

00:55:44.755 --> 00:55:49.202
We might have just unlocked one of the keys to living a long, fulfilling life.

00:55:49.414 --> 00:55:50.523
Don't watch the news, don't watch.

00:55:50.523 --> 00:55:51.992
Tv Don't watch.

00:55:52.014 --> 00:56:00.402
TV, don't pay attention to social media, don't get wound up and caught up in mainstream media.

00:56:00.402 --> 00:56:10.215
Just focus on what's important, man, and I think that we could all live, get wound up and caught up in mainstream media just focus on what's important, man, and I think that um we could all live a much longer fulfilled, productive life I agree, just focus on all this bullshit.

00:56:10.356 --> 00:56:38.425
Yeah, focus on what's important and for us thinking about what's important is all the amazing people that took the time out of their lives to show us and to Paisley that they love us and are there for us and because of that we are so blessed and that little girl is going to be so beyond well loved and blessed and cherished, and she truly 100,000% as a village.

00:56:39.286 --> 00:56:39.907
That's for sure.

00:56:40.974 --> 00:56:44.224
And I couldn't be more thankful for everybody.

00:56:44.224 --> 00:57:01.625
So everybody that's listening, um, if you didn't make it out to the uh show, um, the uh big baby shower, spectacular hoopla, extravaganza, whatever you want to call it my work calls it a hoedown yeah, you're like it's not a baby shower, it's a hoedown to everybody.

00:57:01.644 --> 00:57:02.614
Or like it's not a baby shower, it's a hoedown.

00:57:03.655 --> 00:57:05.382
To everybody that did make it, I love you.

00:57:05.382 --> 00:57:07.400
To anybody that didn't make it, I love you.

00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:13.628
I understand, and you were probably invited, even if you didn't know it.

00:57:13.628 --> 00:57:14.753
You know what I mean.

00:57:14.753 --> 00:57:16.240
We talked about this on.

00:57:16.240 --> 00:57:18.722
Saturday we were like oh my God, did this person get invited?

00:57:18.722 --> 00:57:19.918
Did they have social media?

00:57:19.918 --> 00:57:20.440
Everyone was my God.

00:57:20.440 --> 00:57:21.342
Did this person get invited?

00:57:21.362 --> 00:57:21.905
Did they have social media?

00:57:21.905 --> 00:57:24.172
Did this like, sometimes like Everyone is on social media, so that's, we just took the avenue.

00:57:24.172 --> 00:57:24.894
That's kind of what we went with.

00:57:25.820 --> 00:57:46.135
And then in the end, thinking about like plenty of people that are like maybe aren't on yours, that are on mine and you're just like I hope nobody's offended that they didn't get an invite because, understand, we're the most understanding people when it comes to those things.

00:57:46.135 --> 00:57:54.121
The only thing we brought up today was, uh, people avoiding us that knew and those are um family that knows who they are.

00:57:54.240 --> 00:57:54.762
You know what I mean.

00:57:54.762 --> 00:58:00.059
But in the same sense, like the fact that we don't worry about them.

00:58:00.059 --> 00:58:05.708
We don't care about them because we have this amazing positive tribe in our life.

00:58:05.708 --> 00:58:11.766
And this weekend we truly, truly felt it.

00:58:12.208 --> 00:58:12.708
Absolutely.

00:58:13.275 --> 00:58:17.844
One of the things that we did was we planned this event to be like what?

00:58:18.065 --> 00:58:22.621
six hours, eight hours, whatever it was Because we assume everybody's busy right.

00:58:22.782 --> 00:58:23.443
People are busy.

00:58:23.443 --> 00:58:26.704
We're going to give them time to come in, to float in at any time they want.

00:58:26.704 --> 00:58:33.465
The fact that, like 2.30, that place was that capacity, I was like, oh shit what just happened.

00:58:33.465 --> 00:58:37.724
You know, because when I pulled in there was like no, no guests.

00:58:37.724 --> 00:58:49.179
I think when I called my mom, becca was the first person to show up and Becca and Aiden, my mom was like so far, this is all we have Because we were running late going back and getting things.

00:58:50.081 --> 00:58:55.025
Then when I rolled in right behind me, lisa and Todd pulled in and then Jake, the entertainment.

00:58:55.025 --> 00:58:57.340
Then I was like, well, we got a couple people.

00:58:57.340 --> 00:59:01.041
I was trying to fix the sound with Jeff.

00:59:01.041 --> 00:59:06.442
Next thing, I know know, I looked up and like the whole place was full and um yeah, I showed up.

00:59:06.481 --> 00:59:32.025
It was loaded and fashionably late and I was like oh my god, people do love us yeah, it was people do care that was the beginning of feeling overwhelmed, um, but in an absolutely positive way, truly blessed and uh, we can't thank y'all enough thank you, thank you, thank you until we can afford the mariachis, the bagpipes, the belly dancers, the cloggers.

00:59:32.025 --> 00:59:33.907
What else?

00:59:33.907 --> 00:59:40.242
I think you covered it until we can afford all them to properly say thank you, this podcast is going to have to do.

00:59:40.862 --> 00:59:41.945
Okay, that's right.

00:59:42.425 --> 00:59:44.427
But someday we'll get them all on here.

00:59:44.427 --> 00:59:47.894
Until then, thank you for supporting.

00:59:48.416 --> 00:59:48.978
Paisley's.

00:59:49.579 --> 00:59:51.204
Good one American Dream.

00:59:51.204 --> 00:59:55.902
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.

00:59:55.902 --> 00:59:58.561
Why is the dog snoring so loud?

00:59:58.742 --> 01:00:04.599
I don't know, but she creeped me out earlier because she was literally staring over at this blanket like this.

01:00:05.382 --> 01:00:05.903
Oh, I saw it.

01:00:05.903 --> 01:00:06.284
I saw it.

01:00:06.284 --> 01:00:07.878
Should I stop the recording?

01:00:07.878 --> 01:00:14.215
See ya, that's it and that's all Biggie Smalls.

01:00:14.215 --> 01:00:40.724
If you're a Loud Proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it.

01:00:40.724 --> 01:00:43.900
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram.

01:00:43.900 --> 01:00:47.905
Or all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok.

01:00:47.905 --> 01:00:55.369
You can find me on both of those at loud underscore proud underscore American.

01:01:03.096 --> 01:01:05.041
I'm not talking about myself.

01:01:05.041 --> 01:01:11.641
A big ol' thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast.

01:01:11.641 --> 01:01:14.938
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut.

01:01:14.958 --> 01:01:17.840
Truckers on Facebook, just search Gut Truckers.

01:01:18.135 --> 01:01:20.182
Give them motherfuckers a like too.

01:01:38.668 --> 01:01:39.909
I make it bleed.

01:01:39.909 --> 01:01:40.550
I like to.

01:01:40.630 --> 01:01:43.391
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

01:01:43.391 --> 01:01:48.797
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.