Welcome to our new website!
June 12, 2024

Finding Growth in Uncomfortable Moments 205

Finding Growth in Uncomfortable Moments 205

What happens when your biggest event of the year takes an unexpected nosedive? Join me on today's Share the Struggle Podcast as I unpack the rollercoaster that was Laconia Bike Week at Bentley Saloon. Despite a disappointing start with attendance down and vendors seeing their sales cut in half, I find hope in the upcoming ride and tattoo contest that could turn things around. We'll dissect the impact of logistical hiccups and unpredictable weather, and I'll share my aspirations for future events, including our bold steps toward establishing a presence in Nashville.

How do you handle conversations that make your palms sweat and heart race? Episode highlights the importance of tackling uncomfortable conversations with sincerity and vulnerability. Drawing from my own experiences at a Harley-Davidson dealership and personal relationships, we'll discuss how these heartfelt dialogues can lead to significant growth, even when they don't go as planned. The discussion serves as a reminder that approaching these conversations with an open heart can be transformative, fostering genuine communication and self-improvement.

Timing is everything, especially when it comes to difficult conversations. We'll explore how the right message at the wrong time—or the wrong message at the right time—can derail even the best intentions. From addressing issues with coworkers to loved ones, I'll share insights on the importance of patience and strategic planning. Personal anecdotes shed light on the emotional challenges of these interactions, emphasizing the need for a thoughtful approach to foster understanding, growth, and stronger relationships. Tune in to discover how actions and reactions shape our connections and help us grow.

If you found value in today's show please return the favor and leave a positive review and share it with someone important to you! https://www.sharethestrugglepodcast.com/reviews/new/
Find all you need to know about the show https://www.sharethestrugglepodcast.com/
Official Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100077724159859

Join the 2% of Americans that Buy American and support American Together we can bring back American Manufacturing https://www.loudproudamerican.shop/
Loud Proud American Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Loudproudamerican
Loud Proud American Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loud_proud_american/
Loud Proud American TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@loud_proud_american
Loud Proud American YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmYQtOt6KVURuySWYQ2GWtw

Thank you for Supporting My American Dream!

Chapters

00:00 - LPA Event Update and Forecast

14:09 - Navigating Uncomfortable Conversations

20:08 - Timing and Difficult Conversations

34:03 - Difficult Conversations and Necessary Reactions

40:41 - Actions and Reactions in Relationships

51:39 - American Dream Podcast - Biggie Smalls

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.861 --> 00:00:16.006
Today on Share the Struggle Podcast, we have a quick, hitting episode intended to update and forecast the biggest event of the year so far for Loud Proud American and a quick Q&A convo on communication.

00:00:16.006 --> 00:00:23.728
A cautionary and reactionary tale that hopefully provides clarity on communication.

00:00:23.728 --> 00:00:27.269
Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.

00:00:27.269 --> 00:00:32.731
The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

00:00:32.731 --> 00:00:35.164
The choice is completely yours.

00:00:35.164 --> 00:00:41.082
Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

00:00:41.082 --> 00:00:48.750
If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.

00:00:51.143 --> 00:00:55.688
You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations.

00:00:55.688 --> 00:01:01.406
Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you.

00:01:01.406 --> 00:01:06.411
When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.

00:01:06.411 --> 00:01:11.563
Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities.

00:01:11.563 --> 00:01:15.926
You are right where you need to be.

00:01:15.926 --> 00:01:33.358
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

00:01:33.358 --> 00:01:37.186
What it do, what it do, hot diggity.

00:01:37.186 --> 00:01:43.599
Damn, am I so excited to be back with you, mm-mm-mm.

00:01:43.599 --> 00:01:47.748
Oh, it's true, it's damn true.

00:01:47.748 --> 00:01:57.453
Beautiful people, how you feeling, how you doing, how's your mom and them, how you be doing, yeah, yeah, what's happening.

00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:03.828
Welcome to episode 205 and I hope you're feeling alive.

00:02:03.828 --> 00:02:08.593
That's a cheesy little ditty I just came up with on the fly.

00:02:08.593 --> 00:02:15.469
If you couldn't already tell, 205, the streak continues.

00:02:15.469 --> 00:02:22.492
Today's show might be a little bit more of a quick-hitting show because I gots to go.

00:02:22.492 --> 00:02:31.989
Okay, I'm just going to put it out there to you y'all we are in the middle of the biggest, the longest event of 2024 up to date.

00:02:31.989 --> 00:02:40.213
For 2024, as of right now, okay, as of right meow in the year, this is our biggest, longest event.

00:02:40.596 --> 00:02:51.292
We are currently at Bentley Saloon for Laconia Bike Week and I think it's like a 10 or 11 day stretch, I can't really remember, but we're going to be there for a little bit longer.

00:02:51.292 --> 00:02:57.945
Okay, so today we're going to go ahead and give you an update as to how things are going, forecast, where we think that they're going.

00:02:57.945 --> 00:03:04.526
But I gots to get going because I'm recording this in the morning and I have to get down to the saloon and get opened up.

00:03:04.526 --> 00:03:14.489
Today, on the day I'm recording this, there's actually a ride coming from Laconia Bike Week to the saloon, so I'm anticipating a good amount of business today.

00:03:14.489 --> 00:03:25.609
I'm flying solo at the shop today, so I'm hoping that things go well and we make some money because, as of right now, things haven't been going all that great at this event.

00:03:26.570 --> 00:03:29.646
Um, just gonna put it out there to everybody, just to you know.

00:03:29.646 --> 00:03:30.750
Put it on the table.

00:03:30.750 --> 00:03:47.842
Little, uh, little lpa confessional, right here as I get out my cabela's catalog, put my my left hand on the catalog of my beady lies to the sky and tell you so far we ain't doing that good, okay, we're down.

00:03:47.842 --> 00:03:51.949
I would say at least 60% compared to last year.

00:03:51.949 --> 00:03:58.750
I'm somebody that likes to self-evaluate and look at these things and say, like, what can I be doing?

00:03:58.750 --> 00:03:59.632
What am I missing?

00:03:59.632 --> 00:04:00.520
What do I need?

00:04:00.520 --> 00:04:02.905
Like, what's the dealio right?

00:04:02.905 --> 00:04:15.312
So I'm that type of dude and I'm doing all those things and asking all those questions, and I'm going to lean into the fact that I really haven't seen a lot of people as of yet.

00:04:16.081 --> 00:04:24.166
The way things are going this year it looks like it's less of an attendance by far but also the way we're set up as vendors.

00:04:24.166 --> 00:04:28.365
People are allowed to enter the bar from the back and then we don't even see them.

00:04:28.365 --> 00:04:34.651
So if they drive around to the back parking lot and then just go in for the entertainment, we never actually see them.

00:04:34.651 --> 00:04:37.360
So, uh, that's definitely been a downfall.

00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:38.163
We're off.

00:04:38.163 --> 00:04:47.079
Uh, I would be uh fair in saying that every single vendor that's present at this event is down at least 50%.

00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:51.449
So I'm not going to take all the blame on my products on this one.

00:04:51.449 --> 00:04:57.961
I'm just going to kind of analyze the facts and figure things out, what I am going to say as I begin to forecast what's to come.

00:04:58.744 --> 00:05:00.348
The bigger things are about to happen.

00:05:00.348 --> 00:05:02.331
So today there's a ride coming in.

00:05:02.331 --> 00:05:03.345
I expect a good boost from that.

00:05:03.345 --> 00:05:04.209
We lost most of our day on Sunday to rain.

00:05:04.209 --> 00:05:04.954
So today there's a ride coming in.

00:05:04.954 --> 00:05:05.677
I expect a good boost from that.

00:05:05.677 --> 00:05:07.423
We lost most of our day on Sunday to rain.

00:05:07.423 --> 00:05:10.891
So those things do affect you in a big way.

00:05:10.891 --> 00:05:13.523
Sunday's a big money-making day.

00:05:13.523 --> 00:05:16.990
So, yeah, get those things behind us.

00:05:16.990 --> 00:05:19.014
Some of the bigger, better things are upon us.

00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:25.713
Some of the events that I'm going to host, which one of them is a downfall tomorrow, I'm excited.

00:05:25.713 --> 00:05:31.286
So, actually, when this podcast comes out, if you're a weekly listener, if you're a day one, get your ones up, get your fingers up.

00:05:31.286 --> 00:05:54.180
If you listen on release dates, if you're a winning Wednesday kind of guy or gal and you listen when these things drop, then, as this episode's dropping, I'm probably getting a little anxious about hosting a tattoo contest at the saloon this evening because I haven't seen a lot of people reach out and attempt to sign up or anything.

00:05:54.180 --> 00:05:55.663
So that makes me a touch nervous.

00:05:55.663 --> 00:06:00.401
And we have some important people in the room for this tattoo contest.

00:06:00.401 --> 00:06:06.247
So I'm really hoping that we can pull this off and that this is another opportunity for me.

00:06:06.286 --> 00:06:17.416
I feel like this could be a tipping point, you know, an opportunity to show my skill set to some other people, maybe open up the doors for some other events for me in the future.

00:06:17.416 --> 00:06:33.908
Grow and evolve and we take things off our list and you know we look at things that are, you know, potential in the future, like last week we talked about my desire to be in Nashville and the fact that we sent our first couple cases of shirts to Tennessee.

00:06:33.908 --> 00:06:38.249
I don't have updates on that all yet, so I'll have to get that to you guys at a later date.

00:06:38.249 --> 00:06:44.790
But as I think about those things, I have to realize that some of the things that I'm currently doing are some of those things that I've always been doing.

00:06:44.790 --> 00:06:46.072
At some point.

00:06:46.072 --> 00:06:52.889
It's just the nature of the business as you continue to evolve and grow, you're going to have to say goodbye to some of those things.

00:06:52.889 --> 00:07:11.963
So you know, I'm looking at this as an opportunity that maybe this opens the door to me doing other events for other people in other locations, and that that could be a great launching pad for the business and the brand to different avenues, to different uh customers and different regions and clientele and all those good things.

00:07:11.963 --> 00:07:13.992
All those things you need to grow.

00:07:14.091 --> 00:07:16.682
So I'm really hoping this event goes off well.

00:07:16.682 --> 00:07:30.514
Uh, if you haven't been listening along and heard my sales pitch on this, I'm stoked about the three judges that we have Tommy Ringwald from Tommy's Tattoo Supplies, a massive supply company in the tattoo industry.

00:07:30.514 --> 00:07:37.795
Also, tommy hosts two of the largest tattoo competitions in the world yes, world.

00:07:37.795 --> 00:07:49.725
He has these big conventions at Mohegan Sun the casino in Connecticut, and Tommy's conventions I know the one in April is in the top five in the world as far as attendance goes.

00:07:49.725 --> 00:07:51.968
So he knows what he's doing.

00:07:51.968 --> 00:07:58.646
Right, he's going to bring with him Jimmy Snaz from Ink Master seasons 11 and 13,.

00:07:58.646 --> 00:08:00.648
Co-champion in season 13,.

00:08:00.648 --> 00:08:10.803
And a local tattoo icon, chad Chase from Venom Ink, who's been in many tattoo magazines and is just a realistic tattoo beast.

00:08:10.803 --> 00:08:12.889
These guys are our panel of judges.

00:08:12.889 --> 00:08:18.788
I'm hosting it, putting the brand front and center investing in this event, really hoping this goes well.

00:08:19.249 --> 00:08:23.586
The downfall to this is my wife has to work, people are busy.

00:08:23.586 --> 00:08:35.336
I'm probably going to have my tent closed for business while I'm hosting this event and this event is going to be inside, which is going to not really bring patrons to the outside, to the vendors.

00:08:35.336 --> 00:08:36.419
So that's kind of a downfall.

00:08:36.419 --> 00:08:40.368
On that note, on Saturday we have the pinup contest.

00:08:40.368 --> 00:08:54.994
That has been the busiest day of the year by far every year at the saloon and what I'm looking forward to this year is, if we get some sunny weather, it's going to be a big boost in business because last year we weren't even able to open our doors.

00:08:54.994 --> 00:09:01.177
I had some people wait around after the pin-up contest that asked me to open so they could spend a few bucks on some things.

00:09:01.177 --> 00:09:03.806
But that's our biggest day of the week.

00:09:03.806 --> 00:09:15.270
When you take your biggest moneymakers of the whole experience, the whole event, the whole 10 or 11 days, and you take it off your schedule, it's hard to make that a successful event.

00:09:15.270 --> 00:09:23.350
So if I can just tread water the rest of this week and then get a nice sunny Saturday, I can make this whole event up.

00:09:23.350 --> 00:09:28.923
We can overcome this down 60% and we can put a real positive spin on this event.

00:09:29.404 --> 00:09:31.909
So we're getting into um.

00:09:31.909 --> 00:09:37.551
The better events we're getting into, the better opportunities for the business to uh succeed this week.

00:09:37.551 --> 00:09:43.173
So today we got a ride coming in, um, or the day you're listening, I'll be hosting a tattoo contest.

00:09:43.173 --> 00:09:49.613
Uh, we have some bigger bands coming in and uh, and we have a bike show, the pinup contest, all these things.

00:09:49.613 --> 00:09:51.847
So I'm hoping for a great weekend.

00:09:51.847 --> 00:09:56.751
I know I'm going to get the opportunity to spend the weekend with some people that I love and care about.

00:09:56.751 --> 00:10:04.187
So it just elevates the possibilities and the mood in the room, right, everything raises and rises.

00:10:04.187 --> 00:10:10.948
I know some loyal listeners a few of you listening that are going to be able to make it out.

00:10:10.948 --> 00:10:12.897
This weekend I'm going to get to spend some time with some close folks that I love.

00:10:12.897 --> 00:10:13.158
Y'all.

00:10:13.158 --> 00:10:14.682
I appreciate you Looking forward to seeing you.

00:10:15.344 --> 00:10:25.232
And over the past few years, actually ever since the brand started, my brother, brian, or brother from another mother, brian and Christy they come over and run our tent for us.

00:10:25.232 --> 00:10:32.461
So exciting times, right, exciting times, and my wife's going to be a guest judge yet again in the pinup contest.

00:10:32.461 --> 00:10:41.585
The actual pinup contest falls on my wife's birthday, so she's going to be in her full glory.

00:10:41.585 --> 00:10:43.849
She's living her best life, pregnant, enjoying herself.

00:10:43.849 --> 00:10:50.931
She's going to double down on the pinup contest as a judge, full dressed up, not breaking character, keeping that streak alive.

00:10:50.931 --> 00:10:54.947
And it's going to be her birthday, so it's a win-win-win.

00:10:54.947 --> 00:10:59.292
We're looking forward to a fantastic, positive weekend.

00:10:59.500 --> 00:11:04.673
So I'm forecasting success on the other side of this reign.

00:11:04.673 --> 00:11:07.533
I'm forecasting success on the other side of this rain.

00:11:07.533 --> 00:11:08.720
I'm forecasting success on the other side of this pain.

00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:10.668
I think this event will turn.

00:11:10.668 --> 00:11:18.159
I do feel like it shall turn, and I guess we'll be giving you the recap on episode 206.

00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:27.565
Because when 206 drops, this event will be behind us and I'll be getting ready to set up at another fair, the first time I've ever attended this local fair next to my house.

00:11:27.565 --> 00:11:29.087
Uh, the lock a mess.

00:11:29.087 --> 00:11:31.841
So, yeah, man, things are rocking and rolling.

00:11:31.841 --> 00:11:42.384
I still haven't heard back from um, all the places that I've reached out to, but we're trying to piece them together, to pick them up and to put them down and hope that, uh, everything all shuffles out and works out so.

00:11:42.384 --> 00:11:45.352
So that's the update, that's the forecast.

00:11:45.659 --> 00:11:53.470
On the other side of this little break-a-roonie, we're going to get into some more uncomfortable conversation.

00:11:53.470 --> 00:12:03.126
Gotcha, gotcha, skin around intact.

00:12:03.126 --> 00:12:04.471
So much more than that.

00:12:04.471 --> 00:12:05.495
Spin around and attack.

00:12:05.495 --> 00:12:08.070
So much more than that.

00:12:08.070 --> 00:12:12.711
Ladies, kick this mind.

00:12:12.711 --> 00:12:45.672
Business for the kids, all right, all right, all right, let me read this little disclaimer here to get this uncomfortable conversation, slash, communication situation underhand before we get ready to partake and undertake the most difficult things we can get after, and that's communicating and having those difficult conversations, the uncomfortable conversations.

00:12:45.731 --> 00:12:49.745
My disclaimer is I am in no way an expert.

00:12:49.745 --> 00:13:08.126
I in every sense of the word will screw this up, but what I can tell you when I place my hand on the Cabello's catalog and my eye to the sky, that the truth from this guy is I always come at it from the right place for the right reasons and I do the best I can to deliver it in the best way that I possibly can.

00:13:08.126 --> 00:13:10.952
It doesn't always go the right way.

00:13:10.952 --> 00:13:18.274
Far too often we plan and we overthink and we overplan and we under deliver on our message.

00:13:19.140 --> 00:13:38.870
I've said this many times because we've had many, many conversations, many, many episodes along our 205 episodes on communication and more specifically, on uncomfortable conversations and communication, and I've always said keep Triple H in mind humble, heartfelt and honest.

00:13:38.870 --> 00:13:45.092
If you keep those three things in mind and you're coming from the right place and you're doing it for the right reasons.

00:13:45.092 --> 00:13:55.086
So, if you can be humble, if you can admit your faults, if you can be transparent, if you can be supportive, do those things right.

00:13:55.086 --> 00:14:02.615
If you can be heartfelt, say it because you believe it, say it because it's true, say it because it needs to be said, because it's crucial.

00:14:02.615 --> 00:14:03.076
Right.

00:14:03.076 --> 00:14:08.427
If it's heartfelt and you're putting it out there, you're putting your heart into it, you're in it for the right reasons.

00:14:09.041 --> 00:14:21.606
The person receiving this conversation whether it's misrepresented, whether it's misunderstood, whatever that situation is, if it's heartfelt and they need to understand you're coming at it from the right place.

00:14:21.606 --> 00:14:35.025
And if you're being honest, if you're straight up, being honest, then you're not lying, you're not creating, you're not recreating, you're not forecasting, you're not predicting, you're not stirring the pot.

00:14:35.025 --> 00:14:36.668
You are being honest.

00:14:36.668 --> 00:14:43.125
If you deliver on those three things triple H heartfelt, humbled and honest.

00:14:43.125 --> 00:14:48.394
If you do those three things, you deliver the message with those three things in mind.

00:14:48.394 --> 00:14:59.076
Even if all shit hits the fan, you can't beat yourself up because you went in it with the right intentions, the best of intentions.

00:14:59.076 --> 00:15:03.125
You are humble, heartfelt and honest, heartfelt and honest.

00:15:03.145 --> 00:15:23.754
Too often we enter into uncomfortable conversations for the best reasons, with the best intentions, and they don't go the way we wanted them to go, the way we anticipated them to go, and more times than not, you might come out of that conversation feeling like shit.

00:15:23.754 --> 00:15:25.110
You might come out of that conversation saying like shit.

00:15:25.110 --> 00:15:28.673
You might come out of that conversation saying why did I bother, why did I do this?

00:15:28.673 --> 00:15:30.255
Now, I got to suffer through this.

00:15:30.255 --> 00:15:50.269
What you need to tell yourself is, if you did all those three things, if you implemented the triple H philosophy that we've coined here on Share the Struggle podcast and you had all the right reasons for the conversation, then, in my true opinion, it needed to happen.

00:15:50.269 --> 00:15:57.187
And the results are the results, the aftermath, the way the puzzle gets put back together.

00:15:57.187 --> 00:15:59.952
That's all the way it's supposed to go.

00:15:59.952 --> 00:16:13.176
You understand, you can't beat yourself up, and I'm having this conversation because this is going to be a real-time, raw response to a situation in my life that's currently going on in my life.

00:16:13.176 --> 00:16:27.270
That is essentially what happens every damn week on Share the Struggle podcast, but as I am engulfed in this situation and it's affecting everything about me.

00:16:28.351 --> 00:16:43.250
I found myself thinking about the podcast and some of the messages and episodes we've had on Uncomfortable Conversations and I realized that so many times we've had these conversations on here and I always look at the positive side of the conversation.

00:16:43.250 --> 00:16:53.927
I always look at you guys are going to leave the room feeling better for the conversation and I do truly feel like that is the outcome most of the time.

00:16:53.927 --> 00:17:05.767
But we need to be prepared for when the shit hits the fan and the conversation doesn't go the way you wanted it to go, no matter how much you planned and prepared for that conversation.

00:17:05.767 --> 00:17:42.268
So, to kind of dial the clocks back here a little bit, to roll back the hands of time, we've had conversations where, back in the day, when I was running a Harley-Davidson dealership, whenever there was a situation, whenever there was an inter-staff situation, I would get all members of that situation together and close the door and we would be transparent and we would lay it all on the floor and by the end of that conversation you might not have all agreed with each other, but you understood each other and the truth of the matter is when you got up, when you stood up, when you shook hands and you gave hugs and you walked out of the room.

00:17:42.268 --> 00:17:44.807
You all grew a little bit.

00:17:44.807 --> 00:17:47.284
You grew as a person, as an adult.

00:17:47.284 --> 00:17:50.651
You grew as an employee, a coworker, a friend, a colleague.

00:17:50.651 --> 00:17:59.962
You grew in so many ways by being heartfelt, humbled and honest, by being transparent, by putting yourselves on the line, being vulnerable.

00:17:59.962 --> 00:18:02.489
A key in these conversations is being vulnerable.

00:18:02.489 --> 00:18:08.885
By doing those things, even if you guys can't find a common ground like you're, just like we're going to agree to disagree.

00:18:08.885 --> 00:18:21.346
The fact you entered into that conversation together, you put aside the silo bullshit that happens inside of you know workplace drama, trauma, all that nonsense the fact you even had that conversation.

00:18:21.346 --> 00:18:30.240
You walk out of the room feeling good about it, and some of the best relationships I have in my life have stemmed from a willingness to have uncomfortable conversations.

00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:39.428
You've heard me and my wife talk about it many, many times, so I've always shared with you the positive side of the uncomfortable conversation.

00:18:39.428 --> 00:18:42.856
But what happens on the other side?

00:18:42.856 --> 00:18:49.747
What happens on the other side of that conversation when it doesn't go right, and how do we pick up the pieces?

00:18:49.747 --> 00:19:11.392
So on today's episode of Share the Struggle podcast, we're going to briefly get into communication and I'm going to try to pose this almost as a Q&A and I know you can't really have a Q&A with nobody else here, but I'm going to ask you some questions as we go and you can answer them for yourself, and you can feel free to reach out to me and drop an answer if you'd like as well.

00:19:11.392 --> 00:19:16.641
That's how today's show is going to go Now.

00:19:16.721 --> 00:19:23.534
I heard a line, actually in a book right now on communication Shocker.

00:19:23.534 --> 00:19:31.740
When these things are going on in your life, I think you dial into something right Like when you know you have to focus on communication.

00:19:31.740 --> 00:19:36.811
When there's a situation that has to be talked about, you try to prepare for those things.

00:19:36.811 --> 00:19:37.520
At least I do.

00:19:37.520 --> 00:19:42.050
So I'll turn into my research or whatever I can in my downtime.

00:19:42.050 --> 00:19:47.007
Most of the time right now, that's if I'm at the gym I'll plug that book into my head right.

00:19:47.007 --> 00:20:00.643
So I heard a line that says the right conversation at the right moment can change everything.

00:20:00.643 --> 00:20:07.641
My recent experience has me rewriting that line and asking myself this the right conversation at the right moment can change everything.

00:20:08.522 --> 00:20:13.493
The right conversation at the wrong moment can change everything.

00:20:13.493 --> 00:20:15.823
Think about that.

00:20:15.823 --> 00:20:25.593
You can have the best of intentions, you're trying to deliver the best conversation possible, but if it's at the wrong time, then you're going to have the wrong result.

00:20:25.593 --> 00:20:34.851
And you don't often know what's the right time and I think you can mix right and wrong here and you can change the outcome of this little quote.

00:20:34.851 --> 00:20:37.761
The right conversation at the right moment can change everything.

00:20:37.761 --> 00:20:41.692
The wrong conversation at the right moment can change everything.

00:20:41.692 --> 00:20:43.222
You understand.

00:20:43.222 --> 00:20:45.951
It could be the perfect time for that sales pitch.

00:20:45.951 --> 00:20:48.286
It could be the perfect time to ask her out on a date.

00:20:48.286 --> 00:20:50.961
It could be the perfect time to ask for the promotion.

00:20:50.961 --> 00:20:56.153
But if you do it in the wrong way, then you're going to have the wrong results.

00:20:56.153 --> 00:21:10.672
If you are having the best intended sales pitch first date question, promotion question If you prepared for it and you plan for it, but it's at the wrong time, you're going to have the wrong result.

00:21:10.672 --> 00:21:17.663
So the key to communicating is you often need the right conversation at the right moment if you want to have the right result.

00:21:18.223 --> 00:21:23.193
But life doesn't always create those two right opportunities.

00:21:23.193 --> 00:21:26.430
You understand we have to roll with the punches and figure things out.

00:21:26.430 --> 00:21:45.669
That is where the issues tend to lie, sometimes right, and I feel like there's ways of ramping up the difficulty level when it comes to an uncomfortable conversation, and when we think about uncomfortable conversations, the options are endless, right?

00:21:45.669 --> 00:21:52.173
So I'm going to ask you, what do you think of when I say we're about to have an uncomfortable conversation?

00:21:52.173 --> 00:21:53.585
What do you think of?

00:21:53.585 --> 00:21:54.744
What do you think that topic is?

00:21:54.744 --> 00:22:01.707
Or if I ask you, what's the last time you had an uncomfortable conversation, then what is that topic?

00:22:01.707 --> 00:22:03.446
What was that conversation?

00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:04.210
It could be many things.

00:22:04.210 --> 00:22:05.531
It could be being unhappy at work, could be many things.

00:22:05.531 --> 00:22:08.066
It could be being unhappy at work with a coworker.

00:22:08.066 --> 00:22:09.830
It could be an issue at home with a spouse.

00:22:09.830 --> 00:22:17.229
It could be an intervention type of situation where you have to have a conversation with someone that you care about, about some of their habits.

00:22:17.229 --> 00:22:18.232
You ever had one of those.

00:22:18.232 --> 00:22:21.002
Those can be extremely, extremely difficult.

00:22:21.002 --> 00:22:30.189
And as we talk about difficulty, I think we begin to layer levels of difficulty and we increase the amount of difficulty.

00:22:30.189 --> 00:22:38.446
The closer you are to the person you understand, the closer you are, the more you care, the higher the difficulty.

00:22:38.446 --> 00:22:52.646
It's a little easier and it can still be uncomfortable and shitty if you have to have a conversation with a co-worker, with an employee, with a boss, because you're close but you're not married close.

00:22:52.646 --> 00:22:59.487
You're not related close, so as you start thinking about those layers of closeness, it can make things difficult.

00:22:59.487 --> 00:23:13.679
That's like what's more of a higher difficulty level Having an uncomfortable conversation with your boss because that could affect your paycheck and everything, or having it with your best friend, because that could affect the relationship that you've had for 20, 30 years.

00:23:13.679 --> 00:23:17.203
The closer you are, the greater the difficulty.

00:23:17.203 --> 00:23:23.830
So let's continue our Q&A portion of this.

00:23:24.536 --> 00:23:43.619
If someone who you cared about deeply, someone that you genuinely care about, whether it's your spouse, a relative or a best friend if someone you cared about was doing something that was impacting their lives more than they realized, would you say something?

00:23:43.619 --> 00:24:01.102
Would you say something If someone you cared about was doing something that was impacting their life more than they actually realized in that moment and you're starting to develop a track record of those things happening would you say something?

00:24:01.102 --> 00:24:12.086
Man, I wish that I could have a live show and you guys would fire things back and forth at me here, because I would really love to hear some answers here.

00:24:12.086 --> 00:24:14.863
Let's layer upon this a little bit more.

00:24:14.863 --> 00:24:28.798
If someone you cared about was doing something that was impacting their life more than they realized, but it wasn't necessarily impacting your relationship with them, then would you say something?

00:24:28.798 --> 00:24:37.907
So they're doing something, their actions are doing something that you know is impacting their life, but it's not necessarily impacting your relationship with them.

00:24:37.907 --> 00:24:39.266
You just see it affecting other relationships and other opportunities in their life, but it's not necessarily impacting your relationship with them.

00:24:39.266 --> 00:24:42.825
You just see it affecting other relationships and other opportunities in their life.

00:24:43.467 --> 00:24:44.916
Would you then say something?

00:24:44.916 --> 00:24:53.066
So do you sit on the sideline and say, hey, man, that doesn't affect me and this is a conversation that I don't want to touch, I'm not going to get involved in this.

00:24:53.066 --> 00:24:59.448
Or do you say this doesn't affect me, but I need to have this conversation because someday it could affect me?

00:24:59.448 --> 00:25:10.029
Or if I'm not the one that steps up and has the conversation, then I don't want to see the further damage this person could have to long-lasting, impactful relationships in their life.

00:25:10.029 --> 00:25:12.262
Those are big questions to ask ourselves.

00:25:12.262 --> 00:25:14.742
Would you say something?

00:25:14.742 --> 00:25:24.964
Say something before it goes any further, before it hits a point of no return, before it has detrimental consequences on their relationships and their opportunities.

00:25:25.025 --> 00:25:25.988
Would you say something?

00:25:25.988 --> 00:25:40.755
Now I'm just going to project as to what some of y'all might be saying, because you folks, y'all this podcast, tribe, the Share, the Struggle, positive vibe and tribe that we're building.

00:25:40.755 --> 00:25:49.679
You're a different breed, y'all possess an elite skill set and you have a tolerance for getting uncomfortable.

00:25:49.679 --> 00:25:54.154
I feel like the majority of you listening would say hell, yeah, I care about that person.

00:25:54.154 --> 00:25:56.434
I'm going to step up and I'm going to say something.

00:25:56.434 --> 00:26:10.442
The truth is, I think if we polled the overall population in this pussification of America that we've been living through, we would be the chosen few, the elite few.

00:26:10.442 --> 00:26:15.890
We would be that special Navy SEAL type group.

00:26:15.890 --> 00:26:27.978
Okay, we're the ones willing to sacrifice our relationship, our feelings and get uncomfortable for the better of our friend, our close person, our connection, our spouse, our sibling.

00:26:27.978 --> 00:26:35.358
We're willing to take those chances because that's a commitment we have to that person, the rest of society.

00:26:35.358 --> 00:26:49.807
I truly feel like we're at a point in time now where they say I'd rather not, I'd rather not, it's not affecting me, I'm going to let this go, let's drop another layer of difficulty on this uncomfortable conversation.

00:26:49.807 --> 00:26:52.803
So we're ramping things up.

00:26:52.803 --> 00:27:01.636
We're taking somebody that's now super close to us, so that difficulty level, that intensity level, that risk versus reward is way higher.

00:27:01.636 --> 00:27:05.001
Everything is ramped up.

00:27:05.001 --> 00:27:08.567
Now keep all that in mind.

00:27:10.069 --> 00:27:18.244
Here's your next question what if what they are doing revolves around communication?

00:27:18.244 --> 00:27:21.890
Then would you still do it?

00:27:21.890 --> 00:27:25.836
You understand this question clearly.

00:27:25.836 --> 00:27:29.102
Here, folks, it's getting a little more dicey.

00:27:29.102 --> 00:27:32.755
The closer you are, the more difficult it is.

00:27:32.755 --> 00:27:36.582
So imagine this is somebody that's super close to you.

00:27:36.582 --> 00:27:41.009
They're doing something that was impacting their lives more than they realized.

00:27:41.009 --> 00:27:49.186
It's not necessarily impacting you, but what they're doing is completely centered around communication.

00:27:49.186 --> 00:28:01.618
Their ability to communicate with somebody, how they're communicating with somebody, how they're reacting with their communication with that person and many other people is greatly impacting their life.

00:28:01.618 --> 00:28:09.325
Maybe how they're communicating with people they work with has potentially cost them a promotion.

00:28:09.325 --> 00:28:15.358
Maybe how they're communicating with people in their lives has cost them some friendships.

00:28:15.358 --> 00:28:25.490
Maybe those communications has cost them opportunities to hang out because people just don't want to sign up for it at this moment.

00:28:26.477 --> 00:28:27.059
Think about this.

00:28:28.037 --> 00:28:29.142
It's not affecting you.

00:28:29.142 --> 00:28:34.423
You guys are communicating fine and you know we're talking about this.

00:28:34.423 --> 00:28:36.319
You're close to them, you care for them, right?

00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:49.646
Do you say something when you realize the problem that they're having, that you're witnessing from the outside and that you're hearing from others on the outside, revolves around communication?

00:28:49.646 --> 00:28:51.760
Do you say something?

00:28:51.760 --> 00:29:11.989
Can we draw the connection that this conversation, if it's about communication, the difficulty level in an uncomfortable conversation that revolves around communication is going to be way higher Because they're struggling with these general aspects of communicating effectively.

00:29:11.989 --> 00:29:19.565
If you're having a time in your life where you're not communicating well, that's not really the best time to have an uncomfortable conversation.

00:29:19.565 --> 00:29:22.229
So you care about this person.

00:29:22.229 --> 00:29:32.458
It's not really affecting you, but it's definitely affecting them and they might not be realizing it, but you know, going into this conversation, that it's going to affect you.

00:29:32.458 --> 00:29:33.919
Do you have that conversation?

00:29:33.919 --> 00:29:37.382
You have that conversation?

00:29:38.461 --> 00:29:50.392
That is your next question, folks, and, as I said, I believe everybody listening possesses an elite skill set and you have a willingness to be the best version of yourself.

00:29:50.392 --> 00:29:59.165
You have a desire to do the best you can for the people that are around you, to pull them through, to get them through challenging times, difficult times.

00:29:59.165 --> 00:30:06.541
So I know the first part of this was yes, hell yes, I'm going to have this conversation.

00:30:06.541 --> 00:30:09.118
Have we lost some of you?

00:30:09.118 --> 00:30:13.519
Right now, when you realize that the issue is on communication, have I lost any of you?

00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:19.505
Have any of you listening now said E-boy, I might not risk the biscuit for this one here.

00:30:19.505 --> 00:30:23.782
Man, I understand, I understand.

00:30:25.076 --> 00:30:32.194
Let me ask you this have you guys ever had to position yourself, prepare yourself for an uncomfortable conversation?

00:30:32.194 --> 00:30:39.538
So you plan all day and then, when the conversation officially takes off, it all goes away.

00:30:39.538 --> 00:30:43.585
Everything that you planned for just goes out the window.

00:30:43.585 --> 00:30:46.294
You start off heartfelt, humbled, honest.

00:30:46.294 --> 00:30:55.365
You're being prepared, you're trying to be empathetic and you're trying to connect and have that conversation and then that plan as soon as the conversation starts.

00:30:55.365 --> 00:30:58.498
You're holding your composure as long as you can and then it all goes away.

00:30:58.498 --> 00:30:59.838
It all goes out the window.

00:30:59.838 --> 00:31:03.763
You try to diffuse the conversation and, before you know it, it's a screaming match.

00:31:03.763 --> 00:31:08.348
That uncomfortable conversation has now become just uncomfortable.

00:31:08.348 --> 00:31:14.549
There's no longer a conversation, it's now a screaming match.

00:31:14.549 --> 00:31:16.724
Does that ever happen to you?

00:31:16.724 --> 00:31:18.516
Does that happen to me?

00:31:19.076 --> 00:31:32.905
Because someone that is close to me, that I care about, has been struggling with communication in a way that it's impacting their lives both professionally and personally, and I decided I would have the conversation.

00:31:32.905 --> 00:31:38.910
I prepared for the conversation and I answered it the way I would always try to enter it Heartfelt, humbled and honest.

00:31:38.910 --> 00:31:50.461
I tried to diffuse the situation, I tried to be empathetic, but very quickly that went out the window and it became a shouting match.

00:31:50.461 --> 00:31:56.329
That's not the way I wanted things to go, and I'm going to explain how my reaction went in this time.

00:31:56.329 --> 00:32:01.800
And I want to ask you if you've ever done the same thing.

00:32:01.800 --> 00:32:15.923
So I got to a point in this conversation where I realized, you know what, maybe I've gone too far and I never want to have this conversation again, like I've reached a point of no return, and I never want to have this conversation again.

00:32:15.923 --> 00:32:17.875
So what do I do in that moment?

00:32:17.875 --> 00:32:30.646
Do I swallow everything I've been thinking about, that I've strategically planned and just avoid it altogether, or do you throw it all out?

00:32:30.646 --> 00:32:35.126
Do you just throw it all up, get it all off your chest and put it all out on the table?

00:32:35.126 --> 00:32:40.186
I don't know what your answer is, but that's what I did.

00:32:41.415 --> 00:32:44.923
I knew the conversation was completely off the rails.

00:32:44.923 --> 00:32:54.862
I did not want to approach this conversation again, nor did I want to walk away from the conversation without getting the facts off my chest, without getting things out in the open.

00:32:54.862 --> 00:32:57.087
So that's where the downfall began.

00:32:57.087 --> 00:32:59.786
I knew that this person was probably going to end this conversation soon.

00:32:59.786 --> 00:33:00.161
So that's where the downfall began.

00:33:00.161 --> 00:33:02.202
I knew that this person was probably going to end this conversation soon.

00:33:02.202 --> 00:33:04.510
So I said fuck it and chuck it.

00:33:04.510 --> 00:33:08.240
Here's everything that needs to be said and I'm going to put it all out on the table.

00:33:09.063 --> 00:33:19.103
The downfall to this is I know the person that received this information is going to walk away and they're going to look at things and say that wasn't even pertinent to the conversation.

00:33:19.103 --> 00:33:22.231
You're using things from other conversations against me.

00:33:22.231 --> 00:33:23.635
That doesn't affect you.

00:33:23.635 --> 00:33:25.824
Why are you using this against me?

00:33:25.824 --> 00:33:30.118
I shouldn't have said those things to you because now you're using them against me.

00:33:30.118 --> 00:33:32.185
That's how that person's going to react and I know that.

00:33:32.185 --> 00:33:36.425
But the truth is I didn't use those against you.

00:33:36.425 --> 00:33:37.910
I brought them to you.

00:33:37.910 --> 00:33:41.660
I'm showing them to you because these are the things that are happening to you.

00:33:41.660 --> 00:33:43.885
These are the things that are happening around you.

00:33:43.885 --> 00:33:45.898
It's not happening to me, but I can see it.

00:33:45.898 --> 00:33:51.803
I've been caught in some small communication mishaps with you, but these are the major ones.

00:33:51.803 --> 00:33:56.843
Here's some things where people that you genuinely care about, that you love, are affected by.

00:33:56.843 --> 00:34:02.621
Here's an opportunity that was taken from you because of these communication problems.

00:34:03.884 --> 00:34:11.916
I know that this person is going to walk away from this conversation and say that son of a bitch, he just threw shit at me that I never should have said to him.

00:34:11.916 --> 00:34:18.621
He just threw shit at me in my face, rubbed my nose into something that I lost, rubbed my nose into the way my life is going.

00:34:18.621 --> 00:34:24.699
That's not how I wanted this to go.

00:34:24.699 --> 00:34:48.021
I strategically thought about having these conversations and bringing these things to the table and realizing that, hey, maybe the conversation I had with somebody else today that you care about was the tipping point, was a straw that broke the camel's back, that that conversation that I had today was the final tipping point for me to say something needs to be said and in order for me to get this person to understand what's happening, I need to bring out all the facts, and all the facts is all that I know, that's going on around you.

00:34:48.021 --> 00:34:56.978
So if what I know is your work relationships, your personal relationships, our relationship, I have to use everything to try to bring you to light.

00:34:56.978 --> 00:34:59.626
I have to use everything to lead that horse to water.

00:35:00.295 --> 00:35:01.481
Did I do it in the best way?

00:35:01.481 --> 00:35:03.862
No, absolutely not.

00:35:03.862 --> 00:35:06.094
I didn't want to have the conversation again.

00:35:06.094 --> 00:35:11.126
I knew it was about to end, but I wanted to get it all out on the table.

00:35:11.126 --> 00:35:24.286
That, hopefully, hopefully, you could pray for the opportunity that they would walk away, self-evaluate, realize, assess situation and accept the fact that I'm doing something wrong that's causing these things.

00:35:24.286 --> 00:35:28.405
There's a fundamental something that's creating all of these things.

00:35:28.405 --> 00:35:39.284
Let me analyze this, let me figure this out, because far too many times in these conversations the person feels attacked and their response is I must be the fucking problem.

00:35:39.284 --> 00:35:44.887
No, you are not the problem, but you are doing something that's creating a problem.

00:35:44.887 --> 00:35:50.643
If you were the problem, we would all just cut you out, but no, we love you and we care about you.

00:35:50.643 --> 00:36:00.842
We're bringing this to you because there's something you're doing that is causing a problem and if we eliminate that, then you're going to enjoy your life a hell of a lot more, and so are we.

00:36:02.764 --> 00:36:06.188
So, spoiler alert it didn't go well.

00:36:06.188 --> 00:36:08.510
I think it started off okay.

00:36:08.510 --> 00:36:15.523
I think that both of us were preparing for the right conversation.

00:36:15.523 --> 00:36:40.523
It tipped quickly and it ended badly, and I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on this conversation, trying to see where my accountability is in this, what I need to own up for, and I'm going to own up for the fact that I should have let this diffuse and then tried to bring this conversation up again, if I really am committed to helping this person.

00:36:40.523 --> 00:36:42.628
That's the way that I should have done it.

00:36:42.628 --> 00:36:45.605
I shouldn't have just thrown everything all out there.

00:36:47.615 --> 00:37:02.610
But what I've come to realize, and what I want all of you to realize, is that when it goes to hell in a handbasket, when the conversation goes this way, then the conversation, it's confirmation that it was necessary.

00:37:02.610 --> 00:37:29.556
When you are having a conversation an uncomfortable it ends in a screaming match that results in the two of you not speaking then that reaction is confirmation that this conversation was 1000% necessary.

00:37:29.556 --> 00:37:32.079
Because this is the problem.

00:37:32.079 --> 00:37:44.380
The reaction is confirmation that a problem exists, because if there wasn't a problem, then this conversation would have gone a hell of a lot different.

00:37:44.380 --> 00:37:49.998
This conversation would have had more to do with wow, I didn't realize that.

00:37:50.039 --> 00:37:52.284
I'm sorry people, they're feeling that way.

00:37:52.284 --> 00:37:53.867
What can I do?

00:37:53.867 --> 00:37:54.755
What am I doing?

00:37:54.755 --> 00:37:58.460
How am I feeling when somebody else is feeling that way?

00:37:58.460 --> 00:38:04.306
What is it that I'm doing that I don't realize I'm doing, because I'm not intentionally doing these things?

00:38:04.306 --> 00:38:05.869
Help me understand these things.

00:38:05.869 --> 00:38:21.315
Let's work through these things way and um.

00:38:21.315 --> 00:38:22.117
You know, this is how I'm feeling.

00:38:22.117 --> 00:38:23.581
This is why that's how those conversations are intended to go.

00:38:23.601 --> 00:38:38.706
That's how those conversations should go and ultimately, if there's not a massive problem, they tend to all go that way, like if you're um sitting down and you're talking to somebody, like you're having an intervention, they're going to have an over the top reaction.

00:38:38.706 --> 00:38:50.585
You ever watch that show Intervention when the whole family comes around and talks to them about a problem, they start blaming people and saying you know, fuck you, phil, I shot up with you in seventh grade, like all those things.

00:38:50.585 --> 00:38:55.884
And they have this outrage and tell everybody that you know, go fuck yourself and I wish you would all die and I'm out of here.

00:38:55.884 --> 00:39:05.548
They have a problem, they have a massive problem and their reaction warrants, their reaction is justification for the intervention.

00:39:05.548 --> 00:39:24.911
So when you're having a conversation with somebody about communication and the difficulties they're having with communication and it ends in a screaming match that results in not talking to each other, then that reaction, right there is confirmation that that conversation needed to happen.

00:39:24.911 --> 00:39:36.121
You can only hope and you can only pray, because you care about that person so damn much that eventually, after walking away from that conversation, they realize I acted like an ass.

00:39:37.536 --> 00:39:56.960
I should have received this in a much different way and then, upon receiving this, I could have had conversations with the people that I feel like I've had issues with and I can resolve some of these things and get myself back on the track to being who it is that I am and be grateful for this opportunity, be grateful for this conversation.

00:39:56.960 --> 00:40:06.867
It's embarrassing, it's difficult, it's uncomfortable, but it was also heartfelt, humble and honest and if I can learn from that, then I can earn from that.

00:40:06.867 --> 00:40:14.222
I can earn respect, I can earn trust, I can earn promotions, I can earn opportunities.

00:40:14.222 --> 00:40:17.641
You understand, oh, man, opportunities.

00:40:17.641 --> 00:40:22.097
You understand, man.

00:40:22.097 --> 00:40:31.106
It is so shitty, it is so shitty to feel that you caused somebody to fly off the handle.

00:40:31.106 --> 00:40:41.443
It's so shitty to feel that you jeopardized a relationship, you jeopardized a friendship, a connection.

00:40:41.543 --> 00:40:56.014
But this reaction, this situation you need to realize that you are not the problem and that person needs to realize they are not the problem.

00:40:56.014 --> 00:41:01.371
They need to realize they are doing something that is causing the problem.

00:41:01.371 --> 00:41:14.769
In this situation, in many of these situations and in my specific situation that happened the person's immediate response is well, I guess I'm the fucking problem.

00:41:14.769 --> 00:41:17.262
Let me remove myself from the situation.

00:41:17.262 --> 00:41:19.005
I am the problem.

00:41:19.005 --> 00:41:26.487
When someone has a severe problem with something, their instant reaction is it's me versus the world.

00:41:26.487 --> 00:41:28.592
Everybody else is out to get me.

00:41:28.592 --> 00:41:30.242
I am the problem.

00:41:30.242 --> 00:41:32.586
Screw you guys, I'm out.

00:41:33.548 --> 00:41:35.572
The problem is in the conversation.

00:41:35.572 --> 00:41:38.385
They're going to say I'm the problem, I guess I'm the issue.

00:41:38.385 --> 00:41:41.623
Let me remove myself, and then you guys are going to figure it out.

00:41:41.623 --> 00:41:49.007
Right, I'm going to walk off, I'm going to give you the silent treatment or I'm going to tell you off and then it's up to you to come back to me.

00:41:49.007 --> 00:42:01.541
It's up to you to come back to me and apologize to me, because you guys, you're going to realize when I'm out of here, you're going to realize that you're making this shit up, that you're actually the problem.

00:42:01.541 --> 00:42:03.425
Like this, this is on you.

00:42:03.425 --> 00:42:07.612
When that happens, we're in a deep shit show.

00:42:07.612 --> 00:42:11.563
Here we are in a spiral staircase to shit.

00:42:11.563 --> 00:42:14.588
Okay, a shit-filled spiral staircase.

00:42:14.588 --> 00:42:17.831
Have you ever tried climbing a spiral staircase covered in shit?

00:42:17.831 --> 00:42:18.853
It ain't easy.

00:42:18.853 --> 00:42:19.934
It's slippery.

00:42:19.934 --> 00:42:23.570
As a matter of fact, I have climbed staircase and ladders that are covered in shit.

00:42:23.570 --> 00:42:24.764
Go back to episode one.

00:42:24.764 --> 00:42:32.960
Okay, the point here is this In the middle of that conversation, the person's instant reaction is well, I guess I'm the fucking problem.

00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:33.717
I'm going to remove myself.

00:42:33.717 --> 00:42:34.159
That conversation.

00:42:34.159 --> 00:42:35.847
The person's instant reaction is well, I guess I'm the fucking problem.

00:42:35.847 --> 00:42:36.509
I'm going to remove myself.

00:42:36.509 --> 00:42:41.664
You're trying to convince them you are not the problem, but you're doing something that is causing a problem.

00:42:41.664 --> 00:42:49.309
We have to identify what you're doing, the root of what you're doing, why that's happening, and let's handle it.

00:42:49.309 --> 00:42:50.431
Let's get beyond it.

00:42:50.431 --> 00:42:51.432
We love you.

00:42:51.432 --> 00:42:52.543
Let's fix this.

00:42:55.170 --> 00:42:59.427
The downfall on this spiral staircase is that person removes himself from the situation.

00:42:59.427 --> 00:43:07.052
They walk out of the conversation after telling you that they're the problem and then they go to themselves and they say I'm not the problem, they are the problem.

00:43:07.052 --> 00:43:08.702
They're all the problem.

00:43:08.702 --> 00:43:11.168
All these people have a problem with me.

00:43:11.168 --> 00:43:17.820
When you sit back, people have a problem with me.

00:43:17.820 --> 00:43:26.141
When you sit back, you can only hope that that person can self-reflect, analyze and realize if all these people around me are a problem, they're all becoming a problem in my life.

00:43:26.141 --> 00:43:30.585
Maybe they aren't the problem.

00:43:30.585 --> 00:43:35.490
Maybe something I'm doing is causing the problem.

00:43:37.172 --> 00:43:40.297
Life is actions and reactions.

00:43:40.297 --> 00:43:41.461
That's it.

00:43:41.461 --> 00:43:44.811
Life is actions and reactions.

00:43:44.811 --> 00:43:53.250
I took a course of action to start this conversation with this person that I care about.

00:43:53.250 --> 00:44:02.931
The reaction has resulted in this episode of the podcast and dead silence between this person and myself.

00:44:02.931 --> 00:44:05.521
Life is about actions and reactions.

00:44:05.521 --> 00:44:25.063
I'm sitting back hoping and praying that this person realizes what has happened, could take some accountability, some responsibility, and then their reactions to those actions can change the direction for our relationship and their relationship with other people.

00:44:25.885 --> 00:44:27.347
Life's about actions and reactions.

00:44:27.347 --> 00:44:30.001
We all do good and bad in life.

00:44:30.001 --> 00:44:36.873
Right, and how we respond to the good and bad dictates whether we continue to do good or bad.

00:44:36.873 --> 00:44:47.822
So if I do something good and I react to it in a positive way and I continue to do something good, then I'm going to continue to have a positive reaction and I'm going to continue to have a positive action.

00:44:47.822 --> 00:45:10.965
If I take and do something bad and I wallow in it, I self-pity in it, then I might be causing myself a negative reaction that might create a negative tailspin that could put my life in a negative, just shitty spiral staircase.

00:45:10.965 --> 00:45:26.166
When I lost my dad and I went into depression thinking about things, my thoughts put me in a negative shit spiral staircase that my actions were creating negative reactions that were spiraling into more negative actions.

00:45:26.166 --> 00:45:27.710
That's it.

00:45:27.710 --> 00:45:29.213
Life's about choices.

00:45:29.213 --> 00:45:30.260
It's about doing.

00:45:30.422 --> 00:45:34.068
Life is actions and reactions what you do and how you react.

00:45:34.068 --> 00:45:38.224
Sometimes we leave the door with the best of intentions, but we screw up.

00:45:38.224 --> 00:45:43.891
Sometimes we get a speeding ticket, sometimes we have an accident, sometimes we tell somebody to fuck off.

00:45:43.891 --> 00:45:45.679
Sometimes we quit our job.

00:45:45.679 --> 00:45:46.961
Sometimes we get fired.

00:45:46.961 --> 00:45:49.847
Sometimes good people in your life pass on.

00:45:49.847 --> 00:45:51.271
It's how you react.

00:45:51.271 --> 00:45:53.061
It's how you get back up.

00:45:53.061 --> 00:45:55.204
It's how you pack up.

00:45:55.204 --> 00:45:58.532
Pick up and start to get up and get on and get after it.

00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:00.440
Life is about actions and reactions.

00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:13.753
I am praying that this person realizes my actions were heartfelt, humbled and honest, and maybe we didn't get the best of reactions from each other, but that doesn't need to be the final reaction.

00:46:13.753 --> 00:46:16.423
Reactions from each other, but that doesn't need to be the final reaction.

00:46:16.423 --> 00:46:20.072
It's up to us, on our actions, moving forward, to get the best reactions that we can possibly hope for.

00:46:20.072 --> 00:46:26.793
So, as we begin to wrap up this conversation, let me ask you this put yourself in my shoes.

00:46:28.400 --> 00:46:29.661
I answered in this conversation.

00:46:29.661 --> 00:46:31.143
It turned into a tailspin.

00:46:31.143 --> 00:46:35.146
I threw up all the things that I wanted to say good, bad or otherwise.

00:46:35.146 --> 00:46:37.429
Now there's dead silence.

00:46:37.429 --> 00:46:39.670
What do you do?

00:46:39.670 --> 00:46:42.512
What should I do?

00:46:42.512 --> 00:46:47.943
Am I the one that needs to make the first attempt?

00:46:47.943 --> 00:46:50.610
Am I the one that needs to send the first message?

00:46:50.610 --> 00:46:52.927
Am I the one that needs to talk, to knock on the door.

00:46:52.927 --> 00:46:59.831
Do I tuck my tail between my legs and say that I screwed up, when I ultimately don't feel like I screwed up at all?

00:46:59.831 --> 00:47:06.132
My screwed up in this was not being able to keep my composure, and I'll admit my fault in that.

00:47:07.681 --> 00:47:11.648
So if you were me, do I have to swallow this and say I didn't mean it?

00:47:11.648 --> 00:47:17.362
Do I have to say I have to swallow this and say I didn't mean it?

00:47:17.362 --> 00:47:18.443
Do I have to say you know what, let's get through this.

00:47:18.443 --> 00:47:32.773
Or do you sit back, hope on it, pray on it and ultimately, hope and pray that they realize they are not the problem, but they're doing something that's causing a problem.

00:47:32.773 --> 00:47:36.302
The problem, but they're doing something that's causing a problem.

00:47:36.302 --> 00:47:45.481
Can they take accountability for their actions and form the best possible reaction and get this back on the course that it should be on?

00:47:45.481 --> 00:47:48.646
You can probably tell by the tone of my voice.

00:47:48.788 --> 00:48:01.342
I have chosen to leave them alone, to leave them alone, to not antagonize, to not provoke.

00:48:01.342 --> 00:48:08.224
I don't know how long I'm going to stay on this road, I don't really know, but I'm hoping and praying that the person on the other side realizes I have some work to do.

00:48:08.224 --> 00:48:10.188
I've made some mistakes and I appreciate the fact that you tried to bring it up to me.

00:48:10.188 --> 00:48:14.637
In the future, maybe I'd like you to bring it up to me in some mistakes, and I appreciate the fact that you tried to bring it up to me.

00:48:14.637 --> 00:48:20.746
In the future, maybe I'd like you to bring it up to me in this way and then I can learn from this situation too.

00:48:20.746 --> 00:48:33.728
That'd be the ideal situation, but I just need them to take accountability, because if they can't take accountability, then the situation can't be changed.

00:48:33.728 --> 00:48:48.521
They can't take accountability, then the situation can't be changed, and if I take accountability, then there's no hope for the situation to ever be changed.

00:48:48.521 --> 00:48:57.155
The truth is, I love this person and I'm taking a big risk by sharing this story on this podcast, because I know this person is a day one.

00:48:57.155 --> 00:49:07.440
I know this person is an absolute loyal one.

00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:17.065
The reason why I shared this or shall I say the reasons why I shared this?

00:49:17.065 --> 00:49:19.251
Like I've already said, we've had multiple conversations on this show about uncomfortable conversations.

00:49:19.251 --> 00:49:21.016
They don't always go the way we wanted them to go.

00:49:21.016 --> 00:49:23.563
I needed to put that out there.

00:49:23.563 --> 00:49:27.393
The name of this podcast is Share, the Struggle Podcast.

00:49:27.393 --> 00:49:33.394
I come on here week to week and I'm transparent, raw and real and I respond to my life and what's happening.

00:49:33.394 --> 00:49:38.525
And this is currently 1,000% the biggest struggle in my life.

00:49:38.525 --> 00:49:40.047
I need to share it.

00:49:42.291 --> 00:49:50.440
And the final reason, and the one that I deem to be the most important reason, is the person that I tried to have this conversation with.

00:49:50.440 --> 00:49:52.824
We couldn't have this conversation.

00:49:52.824 --> 00:50:03.592
The reaction, the response both of our actions and our reactions they went to shit, to hell, in a handbasket, down a spiral shit staircase.

00:50:03.592 --> 00:50:11.706
But here's the difference If you made it to this point of the episode, then you've taken some accountability.

00:50:11.706 --> 00:50:16.356
And if you've made it to this point of the episode, then you've taken some accountability.

00:50:16.356 --> 00:50:22.686
And if you've made it to this point of the episode, you realize that I was heartfelt, I was humbled and I was honest.

00:50:22.686 --> 00:50:23.590
You realize I came at you from a good place.

00:50:23.590 --> 00:50:24.273
You realize that I care about you.

00:50:24.273 --> 00:50:28.583
You should realize that most people probably wouldn't have this conversation with you.

00:50:29.605 --> 00:50:34.773
And if you're at this point in the episode, then you realize all that I was trying to say.

00:50:34.773 --> 00:50:42.994
You just let me say Now you can process it, you can think about it, you can tell me to fuck off if you want.

00:50:42.994 --> 00:50:48.548
That's up to you, because life is about actions and reactions.

00:50:48.548 --> 00:51:00.204
Right now, it's all about you and your actions and how you want to react to what I've done today and what I tried to attempt to do yesterday.

00:51:00.204 --> 00:51:01.286
That's up to you.

00:51:01.286 --> 00:51:06.235
Just know, I love you and you are not the problem.

00:51:06.235 --> 00:51:31.273
You are doing something that is causing a problem and I merely want to see you fix it, and I'm here to help you fix it Because I care about you and I love you, and I thank each and every one of you for tuning in, for listening, for being in, dialed in on Share the Struggle Podcast 205 consecutive weeks.

00:51:31.273 --> 00:51:35.731
Find all things podcast related at sharethestestalkerpodcastcom.

00:51:39.400 --> 00:51:53.173
Man and I hope that my actions today weren't a good reaction and that I didn't make a bad choice because I really didn't know what else to do.

00:51:53.173 --> 00:51:55.164
So there you have it.

00:51:55.164 --> 00:51:57.451
That's all I got Until then.

00:51:57.451 --> 00:52:01.010
Thank you for supporting my American dream.

00:52:01.010 --> 00:52:05.851
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.

00:52:05.851 --> 00:52:09.280
That's it and that's all.

00:52:09.280 --> 00:52:10.101
Biggie Smalls.

00:52:24.592 --> 00:52:36.588
If you're a Loud Proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it.

00:52:36.588 --> 00:52:38.105
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker.

00:52:38.105 --> 00:52:43.619
You want to find me on Instagram, or all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok.

00:52:43.619 --> 00:52:51.347
You can find me on both of those at Loud underscore, proud underscore American.

00:52:51.347 --> 00:53:07.505
A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast.

00:53:07.505 --> 00:53:12.148
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook.

00:53:12.148 --> 00:53:13.726
Just search Gut Truckers.

00:53:13.726 --> 00:53:36.436
Give them, motherfuckers, a like too.

00:53:36.436 --> 00:53:39.277
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

00:53:39.277 --> 00:53:44.621
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.

Related to this Episode

Finding Growth in Uncomfortable Moments

In the latest episode of Share the Struggle Podcast, we delve deep into the art of turning disappointment into opportunity, navigating uncomfortable conversations, and the critical role of timing for success. The episode kicks off with a recount of …