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Jan. 29, 2025

Humble Confidence 238

Humble Confidence 238

This episode explores the challenges of maintaining dreams and aspirations in 2025, focusing on the concept of humble confidence. It highlights the importance of embracing vulnerability, learning from mistakes, and reframing failures into lessons to foster personal and community growth. 
• Discussing the struggle of 2025 and its impact on dreams 
• Sharing a candid parenting experience 
• Reflecting on the pressure of New Year’s resolutions 
• Introducing the ‘fake it till you make it’ dilemma 
• Defining humble confidence and its significance 
• Outlining three actionable behaviors to foster humble confidence 
• Encouragement to share mistakes as learning opportunities 
• Concluding thoughts on community support and shared experiences

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Chapters

00:01 - Struggling With Fatherhood

12:02 - Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in Pursuit

19:30 - Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Through Humble Confidence

23:54 - Developing Humble Confidence Through Vulnerability

39:05 - Lessons Learned Through Vulnerability

46:32 - Embracing Failure as a Learning Opportunity

52:55 - Promoting Loud, Proud American Dream

Transcript
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00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:08.114
One month in on 2025, and I know many of you are struggling to keep your dream alive.

00:00:08.114 --> 00:00:19.589
Whatever the dream is, no matter how big or how small from a New Year's resolution to some life-changing transitions you're probably facing resistance and self-doubt.

00:00:19.589 --> 00:00:24.682
The old fake-it-till-you-make-it has you struggling with imposter syndrome.

00:00:24.682 --> 00:00:33.049
Well, today on Share the Struggle podcast, we tackle three behaviors to establish some humble confidence.

00:00:33.049 --> 00:00:36.173
Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.

00:00:36.173 --> 00:00:42.158
The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

00:00:42.158 --> 00:00:51.225
The choice is completely yours.

00:00:51.225 --> 00:00:54.299
Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

00:00:54.299 --> 00:01:00.185
If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.

00:01:00.185 --> 00:01:04.513
Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?

00:01:04.513 --> 00:01:06.777
You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?

00:01:06.777 --> 00:01:14.618
Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you.

00:01:14.618 --> 00:01:16.862
When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.

00:01:16.862 --> 00:01:20.450
Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities.

00:01:20.450 --> 00:01:41.962
You are right where you need to be.

00:01:41.962 --> 00:01:44.350
Good lord, am I so excited to be back with you?

00:01:44.350 --> 00:01:45.703
Oh, it is true.

00:01:45.703 --> 00:01:49.132
It is damn true.

00:01:50.641 --> 00:01:54.129
Episode 238 and I should be feeling great.

00:01:54.129 --> 00:02:02.667
But I wouldn't be honest, I wouldn't be truthful if I was telling you I'm feeling, oh so great.

00:02:02.667 --> 00:02:03.890
Nope, I can't do do it.

00:02:03.890 --> 00:02:05.593
I can't lie to the people.

00:02:05.593 --> 00:02:06.814
It's not who I am.

00:02:06.814 --> 00:02:08.963
That's not what this show is all about.

00:02:08.963 --> 00:02:12.131
It's about truth, transparency, can't you see?

00:02:12.131 --> 00:02:20.056
So, with that being said, I am going to start off today's show with a full frontal confessional.

00:02:20.056 --> 00:02:23.185
Okay, let me grab myself a Cabela's catalog.

00:02:23.185 --> 00:02:25.793
That's a ball.

00:02:25.793 --> 00:02:27.097
You caught me.

00:02:27.097 --> 00:02:27.377
That's a.

00:02:27.377 --> 00:02:38.935
It's a piece of paper, but I'm gonna pretend it's a cabela's catalog because, uh, I'm gonna put my my little hand on it, my beady little eyes to the sky, and I'm gonna preach the truth from this guy right here.

00:02:38.935 --> 00:02:47.752
I just have my ass whooped by a four-month-old oh, should be five months in a few days.

00:02:47.752 --> 00:02:48.995
So I should give myself some credit.

00:02:48.995 --> 00:02:51.604
Maybe this isn't so bad.

00:02:51.604 --> 00:02:53.509
Five months, it can be pretty vicious, am I right?

00:02:53.509 --> 00:02:57.762
Good God, almighty.

00:02:57.762 --> 00:03:01.544
One of the reasons why I'm not feeling so great is my head is pounding.

00:03:01.544 --> 00:03:02.566
I literally.

00:03:02.566 --> 00:03:07.270
I have my headphones on my podcasting headphones so I can pick up on the sounds.

00:03:07.270 --> 00:03:10.633
Make sure things are sounding really nice.

00:03:10.633 --> 00:03:13.056
Well, it hurts.

00:03:13.056 --> 00:03:20.700
It hurts America Like I can.

00:03:20.700 --> 00:03:23.711
I can literally hear and feel the pulse in my freaking brain right now, because I've been screamed at so ever-loving much.

00:03:23.771 --> 00:03:27.324
Today, wow, what's today a day?

00:03:27.324 --> 00:03:30.263
Goodness Five in the morning.

00:03:30.263 --> 00:03:31.448
I get up, bring my mom to work.

00:03:31.448 --> 00:03:35.931
I come home, go to the office, get some work done, sneak outside, do some barn chores.

00:03:35.931 --> 00:03:42.671
I come in baby, mama and baby, looking good, feeling good.

00:03:42.671 --> 00:03:45.352
They're in a great mood, right, mama and baby, baby and mama, baby, mama.

00:03:45.352 --> 00:03:45.716
Okay, they're doing good.

00:03:45.716 --> 00:03:46.235
They're looking good, feeling good.

00:03:46.235 --> 00:03:47.322
They're in a great mood, right, mama and baby, baby and mama, baby, mama.

00:03:47.322 --> 00:03:50.030
Okay, they're doing good, they're looking good, things are great.

00:03:50.030 --> 00:03:53.405
So I take my little bundle of joy.

00:03:53.465 --> 00:03:54.287
Today's my day.

00:03:54.287 --> 00:04:11.231
This is a daddy daycare day, okay, well, it started off great until maybe my wife's taillights hit the end of the driveway and then all hell broke loose and she began to just yell and scream at me, for whatever reason.

00:04:11.231 --> 00:04:13.903
We tried everything in this house, okay.

00:04:13.903 --> 00:04:20.240
We had bouncy seats, teeth and rings, this toy, that toy We've done it all.

00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:29.334
The only piece that I achieved today was three from 17 to 28 minute long naps.

00:04:29.334 --> 00:04:31.963
Okay, that's been the reliever today.

00:04:31.963 --> 00:04:41.925
Well, she woke up around noon and then just proceeded to yell at me for 30, 40 minutes straight.

00:04:42.947 --> 00:04:50.747
Now I know there's some of you out there listening that are like that's nothing, lies, lies.

00:04:50.747 --> 00:04:54.750
The sounds of Satan rang through my ear canal.

00:04:54.750 --> 00:05:01.091
Okay, and yes, I will already admit.

00:05:01.091 --> 00:05:21.161
Five months in, I've already threatened my child with calling her mother, so much so that I videoed her, yes, and said I'm going to show your mother this, I'm going to show your mother what you're doing to me, and I know this is bad radio, but there's some of you out there right now that don't believe me.

00:05:21.161 --> 00:05:22.663
Okay, you said you know what?

00:05:22.663 --> 00:05:32.076
I've seen that beautiful little, innocent little angel of yours, and she doesn't make a peep Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.

00:05:32.076 --> 00:05:33.343
I'm going to tell you that right now.

00:05:33.343 --> 00:05:40.848
Oh, not good for radio Threat being made.

00:05:40.848 --> 00:05:50.247
Yeah, I'm going to send this to your mother.

00:05:50.247 --> 00:06:00.807
All right, I paused this because right now we have the camera on the phone on turn so baby can see me and her, and she knows at this point my daddy.

00:06:00.807 --> 00:06:03.293
He's taking receipts right now.

00:06:03.293 --> 00:06:05.107
This is evidence.

00:06:05.107 --> 00:06:13.884
This is going to go to my mama and my meemaw so she's contemplating whether she should just pack it up and give in right now, because I bet on her shoes.

00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:20.444
I've been at home giving my mom a whale of a time and heard those words you wait till your father gets home.

00:06:20.444 --> 00:06:24.367
I know, split decision here, princess.

00:06:24.367 --> 00:06:25.742
You got to think what are you gonna do?

00:06:25.742 --> 00:06:30.012
She's thinking Decision's been made.

00:06:30.012 --> 00:06:36.853
The only time she stops is because she's regaining air.

00:06:36.853 --> 00:06:40.923
Oh, I'm telling you, mother, she's gonna call the authorities.

00:06:40.923 --> 00:06:41.144
That's you.

00:06:41.144 --> 00:06:41.646
That's you being angry.

00:06:41.646 --> 00:06:44.478
She's going to call the authorities.

00:06:44.478 --> 00:06:44.819
That's you.

00:06:44.819 --> 00:06:46.507
That's you being angry.

00:06:46.507 --> 00:06:48.014
She's wailing, you're angry.

00:06:48.014 --> 00:06:50.764
Look, you don't even look the same, being that angry.

00:06:50.764 --> 00:06:52.406
Oh God, that's not cool.

00:06:52.406 --> 00:06:58.627
No, no, yeah, that's about enough of that.

00:06:58.627 --> 00:07:04.199
But that's a little snippet, that's a little screenshot right there.

00:07:04.199 --> 00:07:12.271
Hopefully that's not absolutely horrid radio, but that proceeded for like 35, 45 minutes.

00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:16.992
We came to the conclusion we're going for a ride, you're getting in the car, we're leaving.

00:07:16.992 --> 00:07:22.492
We're going to get Meemaw early, put her in the truck, she calms down, has a nice bottle.

00:07:22.492 --> 00:07:24.303
We go for a little Sunday cruise.

00:07:24.303 --> 00:07:34.803
We arrive at Meemaw's work shoot, maybe a half an hour early, and we were.

00:07:34.803 --> 00:07:38.476
My decision was going to be if we arrive at work and she's able to get in the shopping cart and cruise around the shahs, then we'll do that.

00:07:38.476 --> 00:07:40.363
If she's sleeping, we ain't moving.

00:07:40.363 --> 00:07:44.452
So we arrived a half an hour early, she's out, I'm not moving.

00:07:44.452 --> 00:07:48.536
Then my mom proceeds to be a half an hour late getting out of work.

00:07:48.536 --> 00:07:48.831
So we arrived a half an hour early.

00:07:48.831 --> 00:07:49.040
She's out, I'm not moving.

00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:49.764
Then my mom proceeds to be a half an hour late getting out of work.

00:07:49.764 --> 00:07:53.545
So we put some quality time in in the parking lot, but threats were made today.

00:07:53.545 --> 00:07:55.528
Video footage was recorded.

00:07:55.548 --> 00:08:04.432
Today, the best part about this is my mom gets in the car and she's all happy for me, ma right, and we're driving along and my mom says what's up with you?

00:08:04.432 --> 00:08:05.514
You okay Rough day.

00:08:05.514 --> 00:08:11.901
And I said, yeah, real rough day.

00:08:11.901 --> 00:08:16.295
And then I begin to tell her what my day is like and when this happens, all little Paisley's just staring at me like you're going to do this right now.

00:08:16.295 --> 00:08:17.120
You're going to do this in front of me.

00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:23.911
You're going to tell my me, ma, right now, like you're not going to give me the benefit of starting off on a fresh note with my meemaw.

00:08:23.911 --> 00:08:24.732
No, you're not gonna do this.

00:08:26.254 --> 00:08:44.513
I take the phone out and I play for my mother what I just played for you, and that baby looks at me and shoots daggers through my soul like you, asshole, you're gonna, you're going to sail me up the river to my Meemaw.

00:08:44.513 --> 00:08:52.844
She was devastated and she just looked at her Meemaw like he made that up.

00:08:52.844 --> 00:08:53.405
None of this happened.

00:08:53.405 --> 00:08:57.256
And then she pouted the entire way home Like literally my mom's, like is she okay?

00:08:57.256 --> 00:08:57.860
What's wrong with her?

00:08:57.860 --> 00:09:00.701
And I said, oh no, she knows that mistakes were made.

00:09:00.701 --> 00:09:03.283
She knows mistakes were made.

00:09:03.283 --> 00:09:05.005
She knows Mistakes were made, oh my God.

00:09:05.025 --> 00:09:13.256
So I'm trying to regain my composure and I'm trying to Pull up my big daddy pants.

00:09:13.256 --> 00:09:15.361
Okay, big daddy pants, is that a thing?

00:09:15.361 --> 00:09:19.480
I'm going to buckle up Buttercup, because I'm getting ready for a positive episode.

00:09:19.480 --> 00:09:34.336
But for me to reach the decibels and the octaves that it requires to properly transform my energy, to transfer this enthusiasm to you through your headphones, through your radios, I've got to get vocal.

00:09:34.336 --> 00:09:36.198
It hurts my head.

00:09:36.198 --> 00:09:37.128
It hurts my head.

00:09:37.128 --> 00:09:38.294
It hurts my head.

00:09:39.890 --> 00:09:41.918
Oh, I think I earned my daddy badge today.

00:09:41.918 --> 00:09:47.918
I know I got a whole road ahead of me, but I'm like what's the first degree of a karate belt?

00:09:47.918 --> 00:09:48.360
What is it?

00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:50.243
Brown Pink?

00:09:50.243 --> 00:09:51.664
I don't know.

00:09:51.664 --> 00:09:53.956
I earned my brown belt today.

00:09:53.956 --> 00:09:56.043
I got my daddy badge In the world of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts.

00:09:56.043 --> 00:09:56.361
Don't know, I earned my brown belt today.

00:09:56.361 --> 00:09:58.950
I got my daddy badge In the world of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, don't?

00:09:58.950 --> 00:10:06.636
You earn badges for things Merit badges, not to be confused with a participation trophy but you earn something.

00:10:06.850 --> 00:10:14.038
Well, today I earned a daddy badge because I had my ass handed to me by a five-month-old, but I stood my ground.

00:10:14.038 --> 00:10:19.974
Might almost cry a few times, but I-month-old but I stood my ground, might almost cry a few times, but I made it through it and I'm here to talk about it.

00:10:19.974 --> 00:10:20.798
We lived.

00:10:20.798 --> 00:10:23.374
Nobody was harmed in the making of today's episode.

00:10:23.374 --> 00:10:24.539
You understand, we made it.

00:10:24.539 --> 00:10:49.000
Brown belt Earned Gotcha.

00:10:50.802 --> 00:10:52.462
All right, all right, all right.

00:10:52.462 --> 00:10:54.364
You know what, guys?

00:10:54.364 --> 00:10:55.424
Thank you, thank you.

00:10:55.424 --> 00:11:01.888
Thank you for letting me vent, thank you for letting me express myself.

00:11:01.888 --> 00:11:05.659
Okay, we had ourselves a full frontal confessional.

00:11:05.659 --> 00:11:14.321
I feel great, I feel relieved, I feel like we've exercised the demons.

00:11:14.321 --> 00:11:17.495
Whew, honestly, it feels good.

00:11:17.495 --> 00:11:18.749
It feels good to share.

00:11:18.749 --> 00:11:23.422
It feels good to know that it's okay to share.

00:11:23.422 --> 00:11:25.857
It feels good to know that this is the giving tree.

00:11:25.857 --> 00:11:36.298
We've got the circle of vulnerability here, that we've established this little positive vibe, this little positive tribe that we've got going on here.

00:11:36.298 --> 00:11:46.474
Don't forget, if you are a member of this positive tribe and you want to share this positive vibe, because Lord knows, this world needs it.

00:11:46.474 --> 00:11:51.692
Please share the show with someone you know, help it blossom, help it grow.

00:11:51.692 --> 00:12:01.894
Find all things podcast related over to wwwsharetheshrugglepodcastcom, also available on all major platforms.

00:12:02.153 --> 00:12:06.844
I do believe, all right guys you let me share a few things.

00:12:06.844 --> 00:12:08.770
I was vulnerable.

00:12:08.770 --> 00:12:17.518
I was willing to say, hey, I don't know what I'm doing and I'm going to share to you me not knowing what the hell I'm doing.

00:12:17.518 --> 00:12:21.360
An effort to, number one, get it off my chest.

00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:26.304
Number two, I'm sure that I'm going to get some feedback over this and we're going to learn and we're going to grow.

00:12:26.304 --> 00:12:39.083
And that's going to kind of blend into where we're going on today's show Because, as we've already said to open the show, we almost have completed the first month of 2025.

00:12:39.083 --> 00:12:42.801
Now I know we all come into a new year with a new outlook.

00:12:42.801 --> 00:12:44.255
At least, I hope that we do right.

00:12:44.809 --> 00:12:56.504
You come into a new year hoping for new things, new possibilities, and we start dreaming about what can be, what could be and what should be, as long as we are willing to apply and try to attain those goals.

00:12:56.504 --> 00:12:58.974
So some of us will do the.

00:12:58.974 --> 00:13:06.169
I guess you would call it like prototypical or, you know, stereotypical New Year's resolutions.

00:13:06.169 --> 00:13:10.341
I think they've lost steam and people have given up on doing a lot of those.

00:13:10.341 --> 00:13:11.716
But some people still do those.

00:13:11.716 --> 00:13:16.160
And if you don't do a New Year's resolution, maybe you're like me.

00:13:16.160 --> 00:13:32.660
But you set some goals and you use that pre-prescribed flipping of the calendar to set those goals, to cause and effect the new year, to sit back and reflect on the previous year, look at where you've been and where you want to go, and you start to forecast those things right.

00:13:32.660 --> 00:13:41.818
So, whether you have a New Year's resolution, or you put something down in your dream book, or you put something down in your calendar that you're shooting for, or you just set that goal in your mind.

00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:56.361
We talked about finding our guiding words and living our year off of those guiding words, and I talked about courage and sacrifice and how I'm making decisions based off of courage and sacrifice.

00:13:56.361 --> 00:13:58.232
Well, here's the truth, guys.

00:13:58.232 --> 00:14:16.230
At this point in the year, most people, most of the population I forgot the number, it's like over 80% of the population have already given up on those positive commitments they've made, whether they've committed to making a new habit or breaking an old habit, positive steps of action for that promotion.

00:14:16.230 --> 00:14:25.804
They want to apply for a new job, they want to look for a new career, start a new business, become the entrepreneur, lose the weight, get the date, whatever the hell it is.

00:14:25.804 --> 00:14:36.650
Y'all have probably set some goals and I feel, like the majority of the American population, you have given up on those goals, and I don't believe you to be some of those people.

00:14:37.292 --> 00:14:50.211
Or, if we're already losing sight of those goals, let today's episode of the podcast be that cautionary tale that helps you reel those goals back in, to realize the level of priority that we should put on those goals.

00:14:50.211 --> 00:14:52.416
This is our day, you see.

00:14:52.416 --> 00:14:56.023
This is our day to recapture those goals.

00:14:56.023 --> 00:15:00.158
Because here's the thing I've done a lot of things in my life, cold.

00:15:00.158 --> 00:15:01.876
I've done a lot of things blind.

00:15:01.876 --> 00:15:04.118
Just jump in and try to swim.

00:15:04.118 --> 00:15:06.177
Spoiler alert, I can't swim.

00:15:06.177 --> 00:15:17.331
So if you see me jumping into some water that's over my head when I can't stand up and save myself, be very cautious and please be willing to jump in and save it.

00:15:17.331 --> 00:15:19.496
But that's besides the point.

00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:37.291
What I'm trying to say here, folks, is that as we start chasing these dreams or these goals, these habits no matter how big or how small if it's breaking a habit, making a habit, or if it's taking the leap of faith to start the business, to quit the job to chase the dream.

00:15:37.291 --> 00:15:46.816
You understand, whatever that varying degree is, there's some concepts that go hand in hand, no matter how great the challenge might be.

00:15:46.816 --> 00:16:02.644
Now, for me, there's one philosophy that was taught to me that I'm confident was taught to everybody listening today, and that is fake it till you make it, and I think we've all implemented that strategy from time to time.

00:16:02.644 --> 00:16:32.256
Now, if you're a day one listener and you've been listening to share the struggle podcast from day one all the way back in July 2020, you've heard some confessionals from me about leaving a career to chase a dream, leaving something that I felt I was one of the absolute best at, and then diving into a pool literally not knowing how to swim, because I had no ever-loving clue how to design apparel, how to retail apparel, how to design anything.

00:16:32.256 --> 00:16:38.634
I couldn't draw you a stick figure on a napkin, never mind design a shirt that I need to sell and support my family.

00:16:39.150 --> 00:16:46.837
So I took the cold plunge and I jumped into this business because I had a dream of providing an all American made product.

00:16:46.837 --> 00:16:55.238
I wanted to design a brand that captured the American spirit, that represented the American spirit, by only offering American manufactured products.

00:16:55.238 --> 00:17:06.377
That was my goal, but I had no clue how to do it, so I just took a risk and what I did was I took my savings and everything I had and I threw it at some equipment and I tried.

00:17:06.377 --> 00:17:10.557
And that might not have been the best decision, but it was an investment in my education.

00:17:10.557 --> 00:17:12.334
It was, in my opinion.

00:17:12.334 --> 00:17:15.094
As I now sprinkle time and distance on it, it was my education.

00:17:15.094 --> 00:17:16.488
As I now sprinkle time and distance on it, it was my education.

00:17:16.488 --> 00:17:18.113
It was my college degree, you see.

00:17:18.113 --> 00:17:22.301
So speaking college degrees, I mean clearly I don't have one.

00:17:22.301 --> 00:17:28.871
I had to go to night school to learn how to do different designs and learn how to use Adobe, because I didn't have a clue.

00:17:28.871 --> 00:17:30.294
But I had to get out there and fail.

00:17:30.294 --> 00:17:36.971
I had to fail forward, fail my way into having an ever-loving clue about what it is that I'm trying to do.

00:17:37.612 --> 00:17:44.530
Now, one of the key ingredients in this whole method of the madness for me was fake it till you make it.

00:17:44.530 --> 00:17:50.557
Just get out there and do it and I felt wholeheartedly.

00:17:50.557 --> 00:17:53.279
I felt like an absolute fraud.

00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:59.731
I felt like a complete freaking fraud, like I had no clue what I was doing.

00:17:59.731 --> 00:18:08.421
When I came from a business and a profession and a career where I felt like I knew almost everything and I could get into any situation and work my way out of it.

00:18:08.421 --> 00:18:13.894
I now jumped into a situation where I know nothing and I can't work my way into anything but failures.

00:18:13.894 --> 00:18:15.575
I know nothing and I can't work my way into anything but failures.

00:18:15.575 --> 00:18:19.637
In my previous career I could fish out the new me, you understand.

00:18:19.637 --> 00:18:24.162
I could find the noob, I could smell the dude that had no clue what he was doing.

00:18:24.162 --> 00:18:39.454
So as I jumped into this new career and this new profession, I was out there trying to fake my way through it and I could not help but deal with the feeling that everybody around me knew I was a fake ass, mofo.

00:18:39.454 --> 00:18:40.215
That's how I felt.

00:18:40.958 --> 00:18:51.265
And if you've been listening along and you've heard some of these episodes, you've heard me stumble into a little thing called imposter syndrome, where you just start telling yourself you're not authentic, you're not the truth.

00:18:51.265 --> 00:18:57.522
You just start beating yourself up and making yourself convinced that you're the knockoff collection.

00:18:57.522 --> 00:19:01.520
You are a designer, imposter bag and you just don't belong.

00:19:01.520 --> 00:19:05.537
You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Vidal Sasan.

00:19:05.537 --> 00:19:08.818
I don't know, that was a bad one.

00:19:08.818 --> 00:19:13.238
You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon.

00:19:13.238 --> 00:19:13.779
That's better.

00:19:13.779 --> 00:19:15.634
You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon.

00:19:15.634 --> 00:19:15.938
That's better.

00:19:15.938 --> 00:19:16.989
You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon.

00:19:16.989 --> 00:19:21.461
Okay, y'all went to school at one point in your life instead of the Nikes, you had the Mikeys.

00:19:21.461 --> 00:19:24.394
All right, I felt like the Mikeys.

00:19:24.394 --> 00:19:29.844
I felt like the Louis Vachons, that I was the knockoff.

00:19:30.029 --> 00:19:44.693
So when I put myself into a situation where I had to represent myself and my brand and to be confident in who I was and what I was doing, I couldn't do it, because the truth for me is to sell me or to sell what I'm doing, I need to believe in it.

00:19:44.693 --> 00:19:48.061
I didn't believe in my product, I didn't believe in my abilities.

00:19:48.061 --> 00:19:52.538
So the whole notion of fake it till you make it was crushing me.

00:19:52.538 --> 00:19:54.080
I couldn't get over it.

00:19:54.080 --> 00:19:59.334
I spent every day trying to get over the self-doubt that I created.

00:19:59.334 --> 00:20:00.377
From the previous day.

00:20:00.377 --> 00:20:09.896
All the failures were starting to stack up and they were starting to just push me down and I could not get over the fact that I was designer.

00:20:09.896 --> 00:20:13.355
Imposter bag right, I was the fake handbag.

00:20:13.355 --> 00:20:14.474
I was the fake shoes.

00:20:14.474 --> 00:20:16.989
The imposter syndrome right, I was the fake handbag, I was the fake shoes.

00:20:16.989 --> 00:20:17.597
The imposter syndrome was taking over.

00:20:17.597 --> 00:20:21.022
Self-doubt was the only thing filling my mind.

00:20:21.022 --> 00:20:24.750
So I wasn't confident in who I was, where I was, what I was doing.

00:20:25.472 --> 00:20:30.623
So by doing that and feeling that way, by trying to fake it till I make it, did I make it?

00:20:30.623 --> 00:20:32.073
Did I get through that?

00:20:32.073 --> 00:20:45.765
Yes, but it was an absolute struggle fest and my feelings and my emotions and my struggle, I unfortunately threw all that on the plates of my family.

00:20:45.765 --> 00:20:58.362
I threw all that on the plates of my loved ones Because when they would just ask that question about how things are going, it was like you could just pull the cord behind my back, that little pull cord that gets the toys running across the floor.

00:20:58.362 --> 00:21:04.843
You would pull that and I would just regurgitate and throw up all over your face all the self-doubt and ridiculous that was going on in my brain.

00:21:04.843 --> 00:21:09.040
That is how fake it till you make it was affecting me.

00:21:09.040 --> 00:21:10.854
Now, did I get through it?

00:21:10.854 --> 00:21:12.660
Yes, can you do it?

00:21:12.660 --> 00:21:13.230
Yes.

00:21:13.652 --> 00:21:16.740
Is there a more effective way to get through life and to try new things?

00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:26.153
Lord, I do believe there is, and we might have stumbled onto something today that I'm excited to share with each and every one of you, and I'm hoping, by sharing this.

00:21:26.153 --> 00:21:30.816
It can help you to pull through whatever it is you are striving for.

00:21:30.816 --> 00:21:40.825
Is there some hopes and dreams and goals and aspirations that are on your plate, that are in your mind, that's in your heart, that you are beginning to lose sight of or to let go?

00:21:40.825 --> 00:21:45.121
There's some things that, like the rest of society, we're starting to lose sight of.

00:21:45.871 --> 00:22:06.314
I want to change those ways and for those of you that are jumping in and trying big, major things you're giving up on the career to chase the dream and you've been faking it until you make it I want to sprinkle some new stuff on you to help reframe and kind of change the way that you look at things.

00:22:06.314 --> 00:22:12.612
Because, as we've always said, perception is reality and whatever you perceive to be shall be.

00:22:12.612 --> 00:22:13.833
So that goes hand in hand with me faking it till I make it.

00:22:13.833 --> 00:22:14.733
Then whatever you perceive to be, shall be.

00:22:14.733 --> 00:22:16.214
So that goes hand in hand with me faking it till I make it.

00:22:16.214 --> 00:22:19.198
I was trying to put out the perception that I was successful.

00:22:19.198 --> 00:22:27.567
I was putting out the perception that I was making it and that if I could just get along enough, if I could just stack enough days up, eventually I'd be making it.

00:22:27.567 --> 00:22:36.576
But if the perception that I had of myself was that I was a freaking fraud, that I was a fake, then that was my reality.

00:22:37.309 --> 00:22:53.599
So, in doing some research and trying to think about ways to overcome some of these things and just stumbling upon motivation, I listened to a TED Talk today that spiraled this whole conversation A nice 15 or 20 minute TED Talk from a dude named Chris Kelso.

00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:55.284
No clue who the guy is.

00:22:55.284 --> 00:22:59.538
I probably should have done some more research to look into who he is and what he's done in life.

00:22:59.538 --> 00:23:00.500
But guess what?

00:23:00.500 --> 00:23:03.616
My baby chewed my ass up today.

00:23:03.616 --> 00:23:06.204
So I might not be as prepared as we should be.

00:23:06.204 --> 00:23:09.913
But that's besides the point, chris Kelso.

00:23:09.913 --> 00:23:21.758
He has a TED talk out there that says three steps to finding confidence, and this is going to go hand in hand in the face of fake it till you make it.

00:23:21.758 --> 00:23:31.634
So we're going to battle fake it till you make it with a new concept and a new quality that we should all try to possess, and that is humble confidence.

00:23:32.435 --> 00:23:37.612
Now, humble confidence seems a little ironic because they almost seem like two total different things.

00:23:37.612 --> 00:23:42.282
When you hear them, your first impression on them is humble and confident.

00:23:42.282 --> 00:23:44.394
That doesn't really make a lot of sense.

00:23:44.394 --> 00:23:48.920
So, to make a little bit of sense of this, we're going to flip on over to the old dictionary.

00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:51.189
Yes, we're going to the dictionary.

00:23:51.189 --> 00:23:53.432
We're going to look up a definition here, folks Humble.

00:23:54.114 --> 00:24:07.821
The definition of humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance, having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance.

00:24:07.821 --> 00:24:15.780
Now, for me, when I think about humble, I don't think about selling myself short or having a low belief in myself.

00:24:15.780 --> 00:24:31.674
I think of humble of, you know, not going out there and just being like I'm the best son of a bitch, like when you see some of these, you know celebrities, like you know let's go to music because they're not as annoying as actors.

00:24:31.674 --> 00:24:36.756
So maybe they are, I don't know, maybe they're all, maybe all celebrities are annoying, but the ones that I like come off as humble.

00:24:36.756 --> 00:24:46.019
The ones that I like are the ones that when they give a thank you speech, they start off with I want to thank God and my family, and they just kind of have that modest, humble tone to them, right?

00:24:46.019 --> 00:24:52.516
But by definition, humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance.

00:24:52.516 --> 00:25:04.680
So you're putting out the image that you're not really overvaluing the gifts that you possess right and confidence.

00:25:04.740 --> 00:25:06.443
There's a few definitions we're going to dig into.

00:25:06.443 --> 00:25:15.400
And digging into the first one is confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something.

00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:21.145
So the feeling or belief that you can rely on yourself or someone else or something.

00:25:21.145 --> 00:25:24.560
I have confidence in that person or myself.

00:25:24.560 --> 00:25:30.542
The next definition given is the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

00:25:30.542 --> 00:25:31.652
I'm confident.

00:25:31.652 --> 00:25:33.519
I'm confident in that statement.

00:25:33.519 --> 00:25:35.980
I perceive that to be true.

00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:40.719
I am feeling 100% certain that what that statement is truth.

00:25:40.719 --> 00:25:41.641
That's confidence.

00:25:42.384 --> 00:25:50.561
The last definition I have is a feeling of self-assurance from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

00:25:50.561 --> 00:25:55.057
You can have self-confidence because you are confident in your own abilities.

00:25:55.057 --> 00:25:57.042
I am confident in who I am.

00:25:57.042 --> 00:25:58.476
I appreciate who I am.

00:25:58.476 --> 00:26:00.675
I'm confident of what I can get done.

00:26:00.675 --> 00:26:03.650
I know the abilities, I know my own personal qualities.

00:26:03.650 --> 00:26:07.621
I can begin to develop a great deal of confidence in knowing those things.

00:26:07.621 --> 00:26:13.297
Hey, this is who I am, this is what I do, this is how I do it and I feel great about all three of those.

00:26:15.890 --> 00:26:17.815
Now, as I break down those definitions, you might be sitting back going.

00:26:17.815 --> 00:26:21.262
You're right, that doesn't make sense Humble and confident.

00:26:21.262 --> 00:26:23.054
I don't think those two go together.

00:26:23.054 --> 00:26:25.761
Well, I would beg of you to slow down, cinderella.

00:26:25.761 --> 00:26:27.012
We're going somewhere.

00:26:27.012 --> 00:26:39.064
Getting back to the TED Talk, they referenced an author, rick Warren, who said humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

00:26:39.064 --> 00:26:41.596
Now we're getting somewhere.

00:26:41.596 --> 00:26:42.480
I'm starting to love this.

00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:49.318
Let's spell it out one more time Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

00:26:50.060 --> 00:26:52.771
It does not mean you have a low opinion of yourself.

00:26:52.771 --> 00:26:58.932
It just means you quit worrying about what everyone else thinks of you.

00:26:58.932 --> 00:27:00.957
It's not one of the biggest keys to life?

00:27:00.957 --> 00:27:06.637
Honestly, if we could just get over everybody else's opinion of us, we can live a hell of a lot better.

00:27:06.637 --> 00:27:16.109
And I'm telling you, we all have some people in our life that possess a greater level of ability in doing so, but I'm willing to guarantee not everybody's perfect at this.

00:27:16.109 --> 00:27:25.619
If we all were going to have that full frontal confessional, we could all be better at worrying less and caring less about other people's opinions.

00:27:26.121 --> 00:27:32.337
So, getting back to the definition, humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

00:27:32.337 --> 00:27:33.980
I'm not beating myself up.

00:27:33.980 --> 00:27:35.863
I'm not thinking that.

00:27:35.863 --> 00:27:42.540
You know, I'm some overweight slouch who's out here pretending to own an apparel brand.

00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:48.498
I'm not putting those thoughts into my head, I'm just thinking of myself less right.

00:27:48.498 --> 00:27:51.971
I'm not allowing the self-doubt to take over.

00:27:51.971 --> 00:27:56.750
I'm not letting those controlling conversations in my mind disrupt my day.

00:27:56.750 --> 00:28:02.125
So it does not mean you have a low opinion of yourself Ever.

00:28:02.125 --> 00:28:04.853
Love and know you don't have to think negative about yourself.

00:28:04.853 --> 00:28:10.571
It just means that you quit worrying about what everybody else thinks of you.

00:28:11.034 --> 00:28:30.538
If we kind of peel back the onion and we go back a few minutes ago to me talking about starting this brand and knowing that I was the new but I had no clue what I was doing, those first few events that I did when I was lined up next to other big brands and businesses and I felt like an imposter, I put that in my mind, right.

00:28:30.538 --> 00:28:39.883
I put in my mind that, hey, I don't belong here and I perceived that the person next to me was believing that to be true.

00:28:39.883 --> 00:28:44.862
I worried more about their opinion, thinking they're over there seeing right through me.

00:28:44.862 --> 00:28:48.999
This guy has no clue what he's doing, he doesn't belong here, he shouldn't be here.

00:28:48.999 --> 00:28:59.634
The moment that I start worrying less about what those other people think, I start moving in a much more positive direction, and I mean that's kind of an obvious statement, right.

00:29:00.356 --> 00:29:07.416
But there are behaviors that we can tap into to develop this humble confidence.

00:29:07.416 --> 00:29:24.257
Having the humility to not think less of yourself but not think about yourself so much, and focusing on not talking negative to yourself and worrying a hell of a lot less about what other people say about you that is a humble confidence.

00:29:24.257 --> 00:29:25.575
You're confident in yourself.

00:29:25.575 --> 00:29:31.609
I'm not going to spend a bunch of time talking about myself, but I'm also not going to let you downplay myself.

00:29:31.609 --> 00:29:33.196
That is a humble confidence.

00:29:33.196 --> 00:29:43.343
So, my fellow loud, proud Americans, shall I ask you this Are you interested in growing and developing your humble confidence?

00:29:43.343 --> 00:29:47.942
Are you interested in worrying a hell of a lot less about what other people think?

00:29:47.942 --> 00:29:54.002
Are you interested in feeling confident about yourself, not talking down to yourself?

00:29:54.002 --> 00:29:56.376
Are you interested in that humble confidence?

00:29:56.376 --> 00:30:05.920
Hmm, well, I expect this moment in time everybody is answering a resounding yes, because if not, you're completely a full of caca.

00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:08.413
That's French for shit.

00:30:08.413 --> 00:30:11.882
I think Made that up.

00:30:12.281 --> 00:30:22.109
Good news there are three behaviors that we can talk about, actionable steps we can take to develop some humble confidence.

00:30:22.109 --> 00:30:27.894
Now, the first one is getting comfortable with.

00:30:27.894 --> 00:30:39.930
I don't know, but when you let that stew a little bit, you can raise the old goose pimples, the old goose bumpskies on your arms right.

00:30:39.930 --> 00:30:44.326
Get comfortable with I don't know.

00:30:44.326 --> 00:30:50.799
I don't know, I didn't mean to use it right there.

00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:56.923
Wow, okay, we found ourselves in a tricky situation here.

00:30:56.923 --> 00:31:02.734
I don't know of something that can make me feel more uncomfortable than legitimately not knowing right.

00:31:02.734 --> 00:31:03.696
That's the truth.

00:31:04.317 --> 00:31:13.661
We pride ourselves as freaking humans on knowing anything and everything and the fact that we have Google in the palm of our hands.

00:31:13.661 --> 00:31:18.809
Every 11 of you is an expert on any freaking thing in the world.

00:31:18.809 --> 00:31:23.721
We all pride ourselves in having an answer, whether that answer is right, wrong or indifferent.

00:31:23.721 --> 00:31:28.505
I've got an answer and by giving you that answer, I can prove to you that I know what the hell I'm talking about.

00:31:28.505 --> 00:31:30.701
Well, truth is, you don't.

00:31:30.701 --> 00:31:36.057
How many times have you backed yourself in a corner because you thought you had to give an answer?

00:31:36.057 --> 00:32:00.163
Like, have you put yourself in the position of like being a professional in a certain area and then said novice, the new guy, the rookie, comes up and asks you a question that stumps you, but you put so much pressure on yourself and being the professional in this area of expertise that you feel like you need to give an answer.

00:32:00.163 --> 00:32:11.638
So, instead of knowing the answer, you just kind of talk your way around, hoping that at some point, some way, somehow, the right message is going to be delivered here and this person is going to get something from this and they're going to walk off going.

00:32:11.638 --> 00:32:14.325
See, he did know what he was talking about.

00:32:14.806 --> 00:32:17.842
I've done that as a new manager in my life.

00:32:17.842 --> 00:32:34.384
I've been in those situations where I felt that when a new employee came to me with a question or a struggle or a situation, I felt like I needed to provide an answer to validate who I am and my position as an authority figure.

00:32:34.384 --> 00:32:35.607
I got to answer this question.

00:32:35.607 --> 00:32:46.564
The truth is, there's a lot more strength in being vulnerable and straight up leveling in that situation and saying I don't frigging know.

00:32:46.564 --> 00:32:48.718
Now, first things first.

00:32:48.718 --> 00:32:51.185
It's hard as shit to admit it right.

00:32:51.185 --> 00:32:54.126
It's almost impossible to admit that we don't know something because we always want to sound it right.

00:32:54.126 --> 00:32:57.380
It's almost impossible to admit that we don't know something because we always want to sound smart right.

00:32:57.380 --> 00:33:13.241
But there's a few things that instantly come from being vulnerable enough to say I don't know, and one of those is it invites people to help, and when you invite people to help, you show a layer of vulnerability.

00:33:13.241 --> 00:33:17.349
People begin to feel that they're valued.

00:33:17.836 --> 00:33:23.391
I learned later in my career, as I became what I felt was a strong manager.

00:33:23.391 --> 00:33:37.134
I got comfortable in saying things like I don't know, but and what I'm saying here is this is a leading sentence right, we're going to go off on a run here I don't know, but we can find the answer.

00:33:37.134 --> 00:33:39.844
I don't know, but I'm confident you can find the answer.

00:33:39.844 --> 00:33:43.385
I don't know, but I'm sure somebody you know, this person knows.

00:33:43.385 --> 00:33:45.603
Let's invite them into the conversation.

00:33:45.603 --> 00:33:51.488
Now, by doing this, this becomes a team building scenario.

00:33:51.488 --> 00:33:55.046
Right, that person begins to feel valued in that situation.

00:33:55.046 --> 00:34:00.567
Wow, they're being vulnerable enough to say that they don't know, but together we're going to find this answer.

00:34:00.567 --> 00:34:17.967
Now I'm allowed to throw my two cents in, to have my input, and if, all of a sudden, you have your people's input, your team, the people that you care about, the ones that you work with each and every day, the ones that you value, you're allowing them to throw in their two cents and you're throwing in yours.

00:34:17.967 --> 00:34:23.342
You are genuinely, truly, coming up with a great answer and a great solution.

00:34:23.342 --> 00:34:30.500
So, as a manager, I had to get comfortable with saying I don't know, but we can find out.

00:34:30.500 --> 00:34:47.809
I don't know, but let's work it out, because me showing vulnerability gave them the opportunity to also educate me and it gave us the real opportunity to get in the trenches and to figure something out and it also really validates my answer.

00:34:48.190 --> 00:34:55.588
When someone comes to me with a question and I 100% know the answer right, you're building value and trust in yourself as a manager.

00:34:55.588 --> 00:35:24.806
When, if there was two questions over the course of three months that came up and you had to go with I don't know, but well, when there's this big, severe issue that comes up and they come to you saying this is what the problem is, I don't know the answer, and you just pop them right in the blinkers with an answer, they're going to take your word for it, they're going to develop confidence in you and that answer because they know that if you didn't know the true answer, if that wasn't the absolute end-all, be-all answer, the two of you would work through it.

00:35:24.806 --> 00:35:28.402
So get comfortable with saying I don't know.

00:35:28.402 --> 00:35:37.775
I know I spun that off into kind of a you know a management situation, but this answer it works in all areas of life.

00:35:37.775 --> 00:35:45.659
I've gotten extremely comfortable over the past five months having to throw my arms up and say I don't really know.

00:35:45.659 --> 00:35:48.865
When it comes to being a parent, I'm a first time dad.

00:35:48.865 --> 00:35:56.677
When I face these certain things, when I'm having these freak out moments, you have to be willing to say I don't know.

00:35:56.677 --> 00:35:58.905
You don't want to say I don't know and give up.

00:35:58.905 --> 00:36:00.572
But you want to put it out there.

00:36:00.572 --> 00:36:05.693
So I don't know, but I don't know what to do in a situation, but I'm sure I'm going to work through it.

00:36:05.693 --> 00:36:09.500
I don't know what to do in a situation but I'm going to call somebody and ask for help.

00:36:09.500 --> 00:36:15.809
Get comfortable with the words I don't know.

00:36:18.356 --> 00:36:27.030
The next actionable item, the next behavior we want to focus on, is reorganizing the source of our confidence.

00:36:27.030 --> 00:36:43.976
Now, what I mean by this is when we jump into a situation, when we're starting that business, when we're taking that leap of faith and we're forced, with that moment of well, I guess, when, all things considered, I just got to fake it till I make it.

00:36:43.976 --> 00:37:01.643
I just got to jump in and see what happens here, instead of creating the opportunity for that designer handbag mentality right, that imposter syndrome, to kick in, all that self-sabotaging, self-doubt nonsense because you're just trying to fake your way through something.

00:37:01.643 --> 00:37:19.641
Refocus, reorganize and rethink about how you find your confidence and, instead of trying to fake something, think about all the times you had to jump in headfirst onto something and it was new and you were afraid, and you figured it out.

00:37:19.641 --> 00:37:21.565
You understand what I'm saying.

00:37:21.565 --> 00:37:27.447
Don't focus on the fact that right now, I don't have a damn clue what I'm doing.

00:37:27.447 --> 00:37:35.349
Right now, I got to just fake this until I figure this out, instead of taking that objective and moving in that direction.

00:37:35.349 --> 00:37:36.976
Stop for a moment.

00:37:37.177 --> 00:37:53.764
As you're faced in this area of fear, this big ocean of fear, knowing I'm going to jump in and I can't swim, right then I want you to think about how many times in your life have you found yourself in a situation just like this and you jumped in and you figured it out?

00:37:53.764 --> 00:38:09.626
We're going to dig our confidence from the fact of knowing that if we just get involved and start moving and researching and learning and admitting when we don't know, there's a track record there, we have a reputation there.

00:38:09.626 --> 00:38:12.398
I've done so much before.

00:38:12.398 --> 00:38:20.445
Find the confidence in knowing all that you've done before, the confidence to know I can and I will.

00:38:20.445 --> 00:38:21.960
That's the difference, right?

00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:26.726
We're not going to jump into this deep, dark unknown without self-confidence.

00:38:26.726 --> 00:38:30.545
We can't draw on the fact, hey, I know what I'm doing in this situation.

00:38:30.545 --> 00:38:41.304
But what we can draw into for confidence is hey, I've done shit like this in my life many, many times, and all the times that I've done this is how it's ended.

00:38:41.304 --> 00:38:44.876
I know that I can and I will.

00:38:44.876 --> 00:38:50.186
I can do this and I will do this because I've done it before.

00:38:50.186 --> 00:38:52.617
You're finding a new source of confidence.

00:38:52.617 --> 00:39:03.606
You are wholeheartedly jumping in, knowing I don't have the answers, but knowing I have the ability to find those answers.

00:39:03.606 --> 00:39:05.309
That's a key ingredient.

00:39:05.795 --> 00:39:20.737
And the last one, step three be open to sharing your mistakes and failures, but reframing them as lessons learned, because if you hide the failure, you lose the lesson.

00:39:20.737 --> 00:39:36.516
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, for 238 consecutive weeks, we've been gathering here on a little ditty called Share the Struggle Podcast, because we have been saying since day one there is strength in each and everybody's struggle.

00:39:36.516 --> 00:39:48.465
There is growth that comes from being vulnerable enough to share our struggles, to be true, heartfelt, honest and transparent enough to share our failures.

00:39:48.465 --> 00:39:52.523
Because when we do so, when we share the things that we've gone through.

00:39:52.523 --> 00:39:55.619
We don't just go through them, we grow through them.

00:39:56.574 --> 00:40:01.927
I want to steal this line from today's research for a long time because I absolutely love it.

00:40:01.927 --> 00:40:05.204
If you hide the failure, you lose the lesson.

00:40:05.204 --> 00:40:08.644
And like there's not failures, there are lessons.

00:40:08.644 --> 00:40:10.902
We have to learn the lesson.

00:40:10.902 --> 00:40:23.547
I think we're all pre-programmed to try to create the image of how successful we are and that you know we don't deal with bad things, we don't make mistakes, we're perfect.

00:40:23.547 --> 00:40:30.596
Right, we create that social media filter-fueled image of the picket white fence and the perfect family.

00:40:30.596 --> 00:40:46.923
But the truth is, behind those filters, there's a bunch of mistakes and there's failures and there's mess ups and there's dirty coverups right, but the truth is, if we hide from those things, if we hide those failures, then we lose those lessons.

00:40:46.923 --> 00:40:57.985
I'm not saying we need to go out there and publicize all the mistakes we've made, but if we're willing to share some of those things with people we care about, then they too can learn and you can both truly learn through it.

00:40:57.985 --> 00:41:07.099
Right, because I feel like there's a great deal of perspective that comes from other people when you are vulnerable enough to share your lessons, your failures.

00:41:07.659 --> 00:41:12.175
I come on here week after week and I'm honest enough to say to you I suck at this.

00:41:12.175 --> 00:41:14.101
This is why I screwed this up.

00:41:14.101 --> 00:41:16.597
This is when I lost my best opportunity.

00:41:16.597 --> 00:41:21.208
This is how I ended up at the bottom of the barrel by sharing those things.

00:41:21.208 --> 00:41:32.617
I know that there's other people listening that have been there, and if they maybe feel like I'm a few steps ahead of them, then maybe I give them the strength and courage to pull themselves up, to get through.

00:41:32.617 --> 00:41:39.521
Or maybe I reach out to somebody through my stories and they contact me and say you know what, keep your head up.

00:41:39.521 --> 00:41:40.918
I was there, I did this.

00:41:40.918 --> 00:41:42.384
This is where I am at now.

00:41:42.384 --> 00:41:48.822
Right, because that lesson learned and lesson shared is a lesson multiplied.

00:41:48.822 --> 00:42:00.724
So if you're willing to bear your souls and your failures and your mix-ups and mess-ups, everybody else, there's a lesson to be learned, and when a lesson is shared, a lesson is multiplied.

00:42:00.724 --> 00:42:04.925
We shall all benefit from sharing our failures.

00:42:04.925 --> 00:42:07.161
Hide the failure, lose the lesson.

00:42:07.695 --> 00:42:13.684
So, to recap those three actionable steps, those behaviors that we want to create the first one is getting comfortable with I don't know.

00:42:13.684 --> 00:42:16.074
One is getting comfortable with I don't know.

00:42:16.074 --> 00:42:26.224
Get comfortable with using the words I don't know, being vulnerable enough to admit I just don't know, and then reorganize that source of confidence.

00:42:26.224 --> 00:42:44.251
Hey, as I face this big, fearful challenge in my life when I don't have the answers but I do have the ability to find the answers, I've done so much before in my life that I have the confidence that I know I can and I will.

00:42:44.251 --> 00:42:50.344
Draw on those previous experiences when you did and you exceeded and you succeeded.

00:42:50.344 --> 00:42:53.538
Draw on those things, find your confidence from them.

00:42:53.538 --> 00:42:57.166
Don't look for the wide, vast unknown.

00:42:57.166 --> 00:42:58.577
Think about what is known.

00:42:58.577 --> 00:43:04.096
I can and I will, and I might not know the answers, but I damn sure can find the answers.

00:43:05.257 --> 00:43:12.081
And you must be open to sharing your mistakes and failures, remembering that if you hide the failure you lose the lesson.

00:43:12.081 --> 00:43:26.567
I would hate to suffer through something and learn something tremendous from that suffer, but just shut that all out, lose that entire lesson, that whole history book and education that I learned from that massive failure.

00:43:26.567 --> 00:43:30.739
I'd hate to lose all that because I just wanted to pack it up and hide it deep down inside.

00:43:30.739 --> 00:43:37.114
I wanted to deepen our discussion today on this humble confidence.

00:43:37.114 --> 00:43:44.219
I did a little additional research outside of the TED Talk and some of the things I found out was a definition itself on humble confidence.

00:43:44.219 --> 00:43:53.684
That is, a combination of confidence and humility that allows people to be secure in their abilities while also being open to learning and improving.

00:43:53.684 --> 00:44:02.246
So you're confident in who you are, you're confident in those abilities, but you're also open to learning and improving those things.

00:44:02.246 --> 00:44:06.382
Now they also have a few things to kind of help define what it looks like.

00:44:06.775 --> 00:44:08.041
A few more actionable things.

00:44:08.041 --> 00:44:15.570
Number one being self-aware, knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being able to admit when you don't know.

00:44:15.570 --> 00:44:17.076
Something sounds pretty familiar.

00:44:17.076 --> 00:44:29.248
Right, getting comfortable with I don't know and being willing to say I don't know, being open to learning, asking questions, listening to others and being receptive to feedback.

00:44:29.248 --> 00:44:40.724
When we talked about that sentence I don't know, but you are now opening yourself up to learning, you're opening yourself up to feedback and you need to be receptive to those things.

00:44:40.724 --> 00:44:46.965
Right, admitting you don't know whether someone's coming to you or you're a new dad throwing your hands up.

00:44:46.965 --> 00:44:53.067
If I say I don't know, I can't just go shoot you down after when you come to me with some information.

00:44:53.067 --> 00:45:02.358
If I say, hey, I don't know what to do here and my wife wants to tell me what she would do, I can't just dismiss her because I asked for the help, be receptive to it.

00:45:02.358 --> 00:45:12.208
The next one that I love this is, in all aspects of life, right being accountable, taking responsibility for your mistakes and being willing to learn from them.

00:45:12.208 --> 00:45:19.742
And the last one, being confident in your potential, believing in your ability to improve and make good decisions.

00:45:19.742 --> 00:45:30.985
I think that really confirms and furthers a train of thought on this humble confidence and the fact that I think all of us could benefit from strengthening and growing our humble confidence.

00:45:30.985 --> 00:45:35.918
Step one for all of us should be number one learning what it is, acknowledging it and then going to get it.

00:45:35.918 --> 00:45:44.286
We laid out some actionable steps today, some habits we can create to help strengthen our ability for humble confidence.

00:45:44.286 --> 00:45:50.407
I think it's an amazing trait and it's one that I hope each and every one of us strives for in 2025.

00:45:50.827 --> 00:45:58.460
Before we go today, I want to share a quick little story with you that came from this TED Talk and basically this gentleman that was up there speaking, chris.

00:45:58.460 --> 00:46:03.284
He mentioned a kind of like an old wise tale, ibm story.

00:46:03.284 --> 00:46:12.880
Right, this story that's been told from many IBM employees through all the hands of time right Like sands to the hourglass.

00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:14.565
These are the days of our lives.

00:46:14.565 --> 00:46:17.657
Time right Like sands to the hourglass.

00:46:17.657 --> 00:46:18.358
These are the days of our lives.

00:46:18.358 --> 00:46:24.978
So he shared this story from Tom Watson of IBM all the way back in the early stages of IBM, and this story has been shared from all these employees.

00:46:24.978 --> 00:46:27.804
So I guess this has kind of lived on forever.

00:46:27.804 --> 00:46:29.655
So he shares this story.

00:46:29.655 --> 00:46:32.164
You might've already heard it before, but this was the first time that I heard it.

00:46:32.695 --> 00:46:59.019
So these fellow employees are telling the story of Tom Watson and that he had this sales consultant on his team, this sales professional right One of their head sales folks, and supposedly he was kind of new on the job but they trusted him with this big potential deal and he was out there negotiating this deal and it was a million dollar deal and this is the early phases of IBM, so that's massive money now right.

00:46:59.019 --> 00:47:08.547
So I don't know what that would compare to, how many billions of dollars it would be in today's day and age, but you can imagine a million dollars in the early days of IBM.

00:47:08.547 --> 00:47:10.998
This person's out there negotiating that deal.

00:47:10.998 --> 00:47:12.842
Imagine yourself out there.

00:47:12.842 --> 00:47:26.842
You know you just took on a new job and you're trying to close a multi-million dollar deal and it fails and it blows up, maybe because of something that you did, something that you said, but the deal just fails.

00:47:26.842 --> 00:47:35.644
So put yourself into the shoes of this IBM salesperson that lost a million dollar deal.

00:47:36.365 --> 00:47:41.380
Tom Watson asked that person to come in and have a meeting with him to recap this deal.

00:47:41.380 --> 00:47:45.889
That salesperson writes his letter of resignation.

00:47:45.889 --> 00:47:46.956
You know what?

00:47:46.956 --> 00:47:48.219
I failed.

00:47:48.219 --> 00:47:50.224
I cost the company a million dollars.

00:47:50.224 --> 00:47:51.668
That could put us out of business.

00:47:51.668 --> 00:47:53.519
I understand where this is going.

00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:55.836
I'm going to humble up and I'm going to eat it.

00:47:55.836 --> 00:47:58.382
And he writes a resignation letter.

00:47:58.382 --> 00:48:01.188
I'm sorry, clearly I'm not the right fit.

00:48:01.188 --> 00:48:02.458
We're done here.

00:48:03.201 --> 00:48:06.030
He walks into the meeting before the meeting gets started.

00:48:06.030 --> 00:48:10.623
He takes his resignation letter and he slides it across the table to Tom Watson.

00:48:10.623 --> 00:48:14.440
And Tom looks at that, at that letter, and he reads it and he puts it down.

00:48:14.440 --> 00:48:22.157
And he puts it down and he says why would I let you leave?

00:48:22.157 --> 00:48:26.123
Why would I fire you and why would I let you go when we just invested $1 million into your education?

00:48:26.123 --> 00:48:29.068
Think about that.

00:48:29.068 --> 00:48:30.795
Let that set in for a minute.

00:48:30.795 --> 00:48:32.298
Why would I let you go?

00:48:32.298 --> 00:48:38.577
We just invested $1 million in your education and that's the truth.

00:48:38.577 --> 00:48:39.882
That's the truth.

00:48:39.882 --> 00:48:44.556
And his thought process is you learned a tremendous lesson.

00:48:44.556 --> 00:48:49.835
Why do I want you to go to work for my competition when you know the million dollar lesson?

00:48:49.835 --> 00:48:52.043
Right, I'm not going to let you work for somebody else to beat me, to defeat me.

00:48:52.043 --> 00:48:52.706
You already cost me enough.

00:48:52.706 --> 00:48:54.492
I'm not going to let you cost for somebody else to beat me to defeat me.

00:48:54.492 --> 00:48:55.416
You already cost me enough.

00:48:55.416 --> 00:48:57.300
I'm gonna let you cost me anymore.

00:48:57.300 --> 00:48:59.085
Think about the wisdom in that.

00:48:59.085 --> 00:49:00.376
We're not going to let you go.

00:49:00.376 --> 00:49:03.903
We already invested a million dollars into your education.

00:49:03.903 --> 00:49:20.664
When you start to reframe in your mind what these mistakes are, when you start to take a whole different perspective on our failures that we have, that we've been hiding inside, they become lessons and they become investments.

00:49:21.686 --> 00:49:32.181
I was talking to you about this business, just to make a personal example, and I said when I started it, I put all this money, all the money I had, into equipment and into technology and all these things.

00:49:32.181 --> 00:49:35.509
And it wasn't a million dollars, folks, it wasn't a lot.

00:49:35.509 --> 00:49:40.327
It was, you know, 20, let's say, $25,000.

00:49:40.327 --> 00:49:41.760
But it's all I really had.

00:49:41.760 --> 00:49:52.342
I invested into equipment and the technology that I might use three or four times a year, because it wasn't right.

00:49:52.342 --> 00:49:55.963
It's not durable enough, it's not fast enough.

00:49:55.963 --> 00:49:59.597
It's not at all what I needed to run my business.

00:50:02.242 --> 00:50:06.347
I had to get over that poor decision that I made.

00:50:06.347 --> 00:50:10.922
I jumped the gun, wanted to start a business and I said, let me just buy this equipment.

00:50:10.922 --> 00:50:22.644
And I talked to a business advisor that had told me listen, starting a business just because you have the money isn't the reason to start a business.

00:50:22.644 --> 00:50:27.586
And I left that meeting pretty pissed off about the way it went for many reasons.

00:50:27.586 --> 00:50:48.739
But that line that was delivered to me always stuck with me and when I bought that piece of equipment and I learned and I tried and I failed over and over and over and I spent a whole summer just failing, not understanding what I was doing wrong, continually investing more money into the machine and the product and failing and failing and failing some more.

00:50:49.643 --> 00:50:59.556
I had the hardest time getting over that thought, getting over the message that was delivered to me by that person that said hey, man, just because you have the money to do this doesn't mean it's right, doesn't mean it's smart.

00:50:59.556 --> 00:51:04.987
I let that eat me up and I let that sit and just take up space.

00:51:04.987 --> 00:51:08.998
I let it take up space in my mind and in my life.

00:51:08.998 --> 00:51:12.643
Just wasted space sitting there being like dude, wasted space sitting there being like dude.

00:51:12.643 --> 00:51:24.702
You took all you had for your family, a life savings, the money you made from leaving a career, everything that you have.

00:51:24.702 --> 00:51:27.876
You bet it on this because you didn't do enough research, you didn't have enough ability, you didn't have enough confidence.

00:51:27.876 --> 00:51:30.420
You tried to fake it and you ended up with this.

00:51:30.420 --> 00:51:44.797
It chewed me up and it was eating me up each and every day that I made a bad decision, until I was watching a video on this type of you know, this line of work, the business that I'm in on YouTube.

00:51:45.239 --> 00:51:49.954
I was into these different, as you know, ted Talks and motivation things.

00:51:49.954 --> 00:52:09.396
I wound up on this video talking about this business that I'm in, this apparel decorating brand business, and they mentioned your first year, those mistakes, those investments, those things that you do, the equipment that you have stacked up but you don't use, the software that you no longer need.

00:52:09.396 --> 00:52:12.862
That was your college education.

00:52:12.862 --> 00:52:14.644
For me.

00:52:14.644 --> 00:52:17.210
I realized, as a man that never went to college.

00:52:17.210 --> 00:52:31.005
That was my college education, because if I didn't spend an entire year failing and failing and failing, that I wouldn't have been learning and learning and learning.

00:52:31.005 --> 00:52:35.465
So, instead of spending $25,000 on a piece of equipment and some apparel.

00:52:35.465 --> 00:52:42.186
I spent $25,000 on a college education for the career that I want to be in.

00:52:42.186 --> 00:52:54.322
When we reframe in our mind how we look at our failures, they become lessons, and when we are willing to share those lessons, everybody can learn from those lessons.

00:52:55.405 --> 00:52:58.918
I hope each and every one of you found something positive from today.

00:52:58.918 --> 00:53:05.442
If you did, please, please, please, hit, subscribe, roll the tribe, share the show with someone you know.

00:53:05.442 --> 00:53:06.844
It would mean the world to me.

00:53:06.844 --> 00:53:10.159
Until then, thank you for supporting my American dream.

00:53:10.159 --> 00:53:12.885
Now, don't wash your bucket hands.

00:53:12.885 --> 00:53:14.528
You filthy, savage.

00:53:14.528 --> 00:53:17.360
That's it and that's all.

00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:18.184
Biggie Smalls.

00:53:32.675 --> 00:53:40.260
If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook.

00:53:40.260 --> 00:53:44.684
At loud, proud American, put the face page as my mama calls it.

00:53:44.684 --> 00:53:51.887
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram, where all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok.

00:53:51.887 --> 00:53:54.498
You can find me on both of those.

00:53:54.498 --> 00:53:59.349
At loud, underscore, proud, underscore American.

00:53:59.349 --> 00:54:15.313
A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast.

00:54:15.313 --> 00:54:42.389
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the gut truckers on facebook, just search gut truckers.

00:54:42.389 --> 00:54:44.530
Give them motherfuckers a like too.

00:54:44.530 --> 00:54:47.393
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

00:54:47.393 --> 00:54:50.186
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.