Transcript
WEBVTT
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What up podcast peeps?
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I figured I would start today's show with a little confessional.
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Just to let you know, I've had a difficult time coming up with the opening line, the subject line, the little preview of what's to be, what's meant to be, on today's episode, episode 201 of Share the Struggle podcast Share the Struggle podcast.
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So because I can't come up with some creative, catchy little intro, I'm just going to let you know.
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Today we are going to ride the waves, we are going to climb the mountain of emotion, because today, on Share the Struggle podcast, we're going to tell you what we've been doing, what we're about to be doing, combined with something I wish I wasn't doing.
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We continue our quest to write version 2.0 of you and Me, and I share a few stories of one of the most important men to me.
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Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.
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The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.
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The choice is completely yours.
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Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.
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If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.
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Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?
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Uncomfortable conversations challenge you humble you and they build you.
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When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.
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Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities.
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You are right where you need to be.
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Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
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What it do what it do Hot diggity, damn.
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Would you look at that, mm.
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Ooh, ooh, what it do what it do Hot diggity, damn.
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Would you look at that?
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Another beautiful week between me and you.
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How do you do, boo?
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I missed you and I thank you for tuning in every damn week for a consecutive streak of 201 weeks.
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Get your ones up, all my day ones, all my original ones, the ones that have been listening since day one, or those of you that have gone back and started to listen from said beginning.
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I appreciate you, I love you.
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Those of you that are just tuning in, you're just getting started.
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I know we have a few listeners out there that are just beginning to ride the train, this motivational love train that we're on.
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I want to say thank you for pitching in, for listening.
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I hope you all continue to share this show, to help it grow, to help it blossom.
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I appreciate you, I appreciate you, I thank you.
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Don't forget to hit subscribe.
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Grow the tribe.
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You know, spread a little love.
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You know what I mean.
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Leave a review, say, how do you do?
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Share the show with someone?
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You know?
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Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
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All right, y'all.
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Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
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All right, y'all.
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So last week, when we were chatting and reminiscing and celebrating our accomplishments of 200 episodes and we were on our way to version 2.0 of you and me, I hope to continue some of that.
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Today, I'm going to try to get to version 2.0 and address a little thing called healing, because I think it's going to connect a lot of the messages that we've been spreading over the past few weeks and some of the lessons that I've been learning.
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So I furthered my research a little bit and did a little digging on some healing.
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Yeah, I don't know why I keep making that noise today.
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So in regards to version 2.0, I'm going to try to wrap some of that into this week's show no promises, y'all because I got a few things that I'm going to need to get off my chest Before we get there.
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Just to give you guys a little recap.
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Last week when we were chatting, I said, hey, this is going to be my last week home for quite some time.
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So over the weekend I was trying to get some things done.
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I didn't really plan on dedicating a full Saturday to working on the horse field, but just had to be done, just kind of showing up a few things before you hit the road, to kind of add a little peace of mind, right?
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So, uh, over the weekend I spent some time working on the horse field.
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I actually, uh, installed a solar paneled electric fence charging unit.
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Um, so I have two systems, okay.
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So one of them was an electric system that I have on an actual uh metal wire as kind of like a fallback option and uh, and I enclosed that one, weatherproofed it and reconnected everything make sure that was good, shut up the fence quite a bit.
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And last year the wife purchased a solar powered unit.
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We didn't really have all the pieces so I had to manufacture something.
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So I made a stand and a post and a pole and did all the connections and did a bunch of fancy stuff.
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So I'm feeling really good, feeling comfortable that we've secured the horse fence and you know you can just kind of take that off your plate when you're on your road, so you're not really stressing and worrying about something going wrong and you know having to try to talk, you know, like the wife or my mother, through trying to fix those things and putting them in, that you know that difficult position.
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So I feel good getting those things done and then again really spending some time addressing the schedule, sending out some feelers still trying to add a few things to shirt up a few things for the business, and then focusing on the school bus quite a bit and I'm definitely behind schedule on the bus with everything happening.
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I just haven't really got into it and I haven't really had the cash flow to get started on it.
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What I should have done is really focused on a few things that didn't cost very much to get started, which I'm gonna blame it on the weather.
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Okay, I'm just gonna say with all the rain I couldn't have done it anyway.
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So let's just, let's just leave it at that, all right.
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But uh, yeah, I spent some time working on the bus.
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I had to patch a few holes in the body, I had to uh clean up a cab corner and uh, do some things which I don't want to.
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Don't, let's not get it twisted.
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Okay, I'm not some some body guy.
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Okay, I'm not.
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You know, john, to see body guy over here.
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No, I'm not Just enough to get by, just enough to fill holes so that I can get inspections.
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Nothing to look fancy, so don't get it twisted, but a lot of cleaning on the bus and doing some patchwork on the bus, stripping decals and all that stuff off of it, just trying to progress in the right direction.
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It's feeling like it's a bigger challenge than I had hoped for, but we're taking a stab at it because the first few events of the year they're going to be small enough that I can kind of handle out of the back of a pickup truck, but pretty soon I'm going to need the old tour bus and that old tour bus needs some love and some help.
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So yeah, we're working on that.
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With that said, the old 2024 road show for loud, proud american is about to really pick up the pace.
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This weekend, as I mentioned last weekend, is going to be the ledgeway farm open house.
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So if you're a maniac, you're a main.
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You happen to be in the area, you can get out to Pittston, maine, I believe.
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It's 10 am to 3 pm on Saturday.
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Matt and Sarah opening up the farm to all of us, welcoming in some vendors, a food truck, some live entertainment, barn tours, goat snuggling.
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You get the behind the scenes.
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Look at all the products and how they get made.
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I've already told y'all Liberty, family, exclusive on the ledgeway, farm products that's how we rock and roll all of our soaps to clean your soul.
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Okay, I could have said something different there that rhymes with soul, but I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.
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Y'all point I'm making here is a great family, great cause, great reason to come on out.
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Hope to see you there on Saturday and then on Sunday we're going to be doing our first ever Bon Eagle car show for us.
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So Saturday, actually, we're going to get up to Matt and Sarah set up, have that event and then I have to rush from there to the field for the car show to get my vendor spot, to put my tent up, to start building that, so I can come back first thing in the morning to fill it and get through the car show.
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And as I opened up the show, I had to let you know that I wanted to inform everybody about what we've been doing, which you know gave you a little taste of what we've been up to, what we're about to do with the schedule and the things that are going to happen, and then something that I don't want to do, and that something that I don't want to do is going to be Sunday after the Bonnie Eagle Car Show, and that's really what I'm going to talk about and focus on today, because on Friday I received a call that changed it all when it comes to my plans and what I was prepared for.
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We're going to get into that on today's episode of Share the Struggle Podcast.
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Gotcha loud, proud.
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American is a lifestyle brand dedicated and determined to represent the american spirit, with an unrelenting commitment to provide made in the usa products.
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If you would like to join the two percent of americans that buy american and support american, head on over to wwwlalproudamericanshop.
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Together, we can bring back American manufacturing.
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All right, all right, all right.
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Hey y'all, any of you own dogs?
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Do you have dogs out there?
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Well, I got to let you know that I've got two dogs, if you don't already know.
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I got a French Bulldog and an English Bulldog, and the Frenchie is on the couch upside down looking at me with her cheeks basically touching the cushions of the couch, while upside down, and the English is over here next to my feet sleeping on a cow hide and he just cut a toot.
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That warmed my lungs.
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You ever been there?
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Y'all ever had one of your animals fart so bad that the actual temperature in the room goes up?
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I wish I would have got a look at the thermostat before Folsom cut it too, because I'm confident that it bumped up two degrees the humidity way up.
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But when one of your pets just cuts cheese so deliberately that it robs all your senses Like it's so bad that your core temp goes up, okay, your lungs fill with moisture and humidity.
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Your nostrils burning, intense burning.
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You ever have that when, like the toot is so hot, it burns your throat.
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God, what an absolute asshole he is.
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Both y'all, both y'all are dicks man.
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You might hear him snoring in the background and today you might actually hear one of them shit themselves in the background.
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I digress, I uh, you know awkward opening to segment two of the show.
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Here In segment two of the show, I want to talk about somebody.
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I want to talk about Big Al Spencer, my godfather, alan Spencer, and normally you wouldn't start off a conversation about somebody that's so close to you and important to you by talking about farts.
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Somebody that's, uh, so close to you and important to you by talking about farts.
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But I know big alan he actually absolutely would love that we started his conversation talking about my dog shitting himself because he thinks farts are hilarious.
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And if you don't think farts are hilarious then I mean maybe we shouldn't be friends.
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All right, I agree to disagree here.
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So what I want to kind of talk to you guys about is um number one.
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I want to talk about the man that we're about to chat about, uh, alan Spencer, big Al and, um, some of the connection he has to my life and the connection between him and my father and my mother and the impact that has really come from all of them.
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So Big Al is one of my dad's best friends.
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They've been best friends since long before I was born, and Alan's wife, dawn, and my mother were best friends long before I was born, obviously, and actually long before my mother and father actually met.
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So my mom was previously married to somebody in a motorcycle club who, for lack of a better term, was a real piece of shit, who, for lack of a better term, was a real piece of shit and didn't treat my mother well.
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And she had a child, my brother Charlie, who is in prison, who my mother has not been able to see for many years.
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Unfortunately, my wife's never met my brother because she's been in prison the entire time.
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But that's a whole other subject for a whole other time.
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So my mom, during this relationship she forms a friendship with Alan and Dawn Spencer, and my dad and Alan are like best friends and they're always out hauling junk cars and doing demolition stuff.
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Right, they're always finding scrap metal and hauling cars and dropping metal buildings and doing all kinds of crazy, dangerous things together.
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And that's just how they were right.
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So my dad at this time you know divorced, started a family separated, you know moves to Maine, spending all this time with Alan working and, uh, I can tell you this story because this story comes from Big Al and he's told me this story so many times.
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He actually told me this story last week again, even though the last six times I've talked to him, either on the phone or in person, he's told me the same story.
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But I understand the reason why he's telling me the same story because he misses his best friend and so do I.
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Before I tell the story, I want to apologize for my emotion.
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This conversation is going to be a little bit tough for me to get through Because, number one, it talks about Alan and what he means to me, but it also draws connections and parallels to my father and brings a lot of things up.
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So Big Al, every time he gets the chance he has to tell me hey, did I ever tell you about the first time I saw your mother and father together?
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Did I ever tell you this story?
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And I just let him tell it because he's just that excited about it.
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So I'm like no man, just let it rip, man, let it rip.
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And uh, he says you know, I saw your father with your mother and I couldn't believe it.
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Now, behind you.
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I've known both of them for years before they knew each other.
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I just never in a million years knew them to know each other or saw them together.
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So I bumped into your father and your mother together and I lost my mind and I went home to dawn.
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I raced home and I said you ain't gonna fucking believe it.
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You ain't gonna believe it.
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And Don says what?
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What am I not gonna believe?
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You ain't gonna fucking believe it.
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And Don says what am I?
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What are you talking about?
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Yeah, boy, I wait till I tell you who the fuck I saw together.
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And Todd's like well, just tell me, you won't believe who I saw together, you're going to fucking shit, you're not going to believe it Again.
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I apologize for all the profanity in this conversation, but when I'm talking about Big Al and my dad, this is how they talk.
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So if I'm going to recreate one of their stories, lord, I apologize.
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Okay, so forewarned here, I should have given this to Kramer previous to the first 17 F-bombs.
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I apologize, I do apologize.
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So Alan says to Don, you're not going to believe this shit.
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And she just says well, tell me, are you going to tell not gonna believe this shit?
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And she just says well, tell me, are you gonna tell me already who it is?
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And he said I saw art, liberty.
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And don says great, you see art every damn day.
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No, you're not gonna believe who I saw him with.
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Just tell me, betty, I saw art with betty.
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She says Betty, betty, who Sanborn?
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You're fucking kidding me.
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Alan says to me from that moment I don't think your father ever left your mother's side again.
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And we knew if there was one, if there was one man that was going to get your mother out of the situation that she was in.
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It was, it was him, it was your father, and we were just so tickled because they were our best friends and then to have our best friends together, it just meant so much to them.
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So he shares that story and he'll often tell me right after that.
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He'll say did you know that I was your father's best man at the wedding?
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Did you know that?
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I said, well, al, yeah, actually, you told me, but you know Well.
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Here's how it goes.
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I'm home one night having a couple beers and your father calls me and says what are you doing?
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And I said not much.
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And he says all right, come on over, I think I'm getting married, I need you to be my best man.
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And that's how it went.
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He said, all right, let me finish my beer and I'll be right there.
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And he says you know what?
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Go on over to the house and I'm the best man, and your mother and your father are getting married.
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And he said and that's just kind of how things went.
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He'd tell me so many stories about my old man, so many stories, even when my dad was here and would sit down together all of us at you know campfires or something, or up at Alan's camp, at Camp Cocotosi he would.
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He would always tell these stories and they would just reminisce about all these these things.
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And then, uh, when my dad passed and I was talking to Alan on the phone, he shared so many of these stories.
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He was in Florida and he couldn't make it home for the service and, uh, it was really tearing him apart that he couldn't.
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So we shared a lot of conversations, a lot of stories and, uh, man, one of the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make Was calling Alan Spencer when my dad died.
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There's a few men in this world that were really close to my dad, that were second fathers to me, and Alan was one of them.
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So when I called Alan to tell him that my father passed, it killed me, I could.
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I could feel it through the phone.
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I could feel the heartbreak and the pain through the phone and I knew how I was feeling.
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He was feeling the same way and he kept saying, son, I love you.
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I love you, son, and your daddy's always going to be with you.
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I love you, son, your dad is always going to be with you.
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I'm always going to be here for you too.
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He would just keep telling me I can't wait to come home and sit with you and tell you more stories about your dad.
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And I remember just sitting in the car and listening to stories about my dad and it started off with us crying and it ended up with us having a lot of laughs and then some more crying.
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He told me all the battle stories and so many of them I heard before and so many I've heard from my dad's point of view and Big Al's point of view, and the time that Alan was hanging some dude by his feet over the side of the Socko Bridge looking to drop him in and my dad's telling him would you quit fucking around with him and either drop him or bring him back on this side of the bridge so we can get back to work.
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I heard all these stories when I was sitting in the car.
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It was just comforting to hear these stories and to be connected to my dad.
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I felt like when I was talking to Al.
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It was like I was hearing stories from my dad.
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I was reminiscing and I felt like that little kid again, you know, wide-eyed around the campfire, listening to these stories about my hero, about my heroes, these two larger-than-life men in my life, and so I just felt like a little kid again, just laughing and listening to stories.
00:22:21.605 --> 00:22:41.469
And Alan was telling me about this time that, uh, my dad was in Massachusetts and one of his sisters was dating this guy, that that beat her up pretty bad and my dad went on a mission to find him and uh, I've heard this story from my dad so many times about the actual fight when he found him.
00:22:41.469 --> 00:22:55.892
And he said that he says to me I beat that boy so bad, his eyeball was hanging out of his head and uh, I thought for sure that I might have killed him, so I knew I had to get out of town.
00:22:55.892 --> 00:22:59.585
No shit, that's, that's my dad.
00:22:59.585 --> 00:23:03.770
Statue of limitations has, uh, has passed, and so has my dad.
00:23:03.770 --> 00:23:11.031
So you really can't come for me if my dad, you know, killed one of your family members or something in Massachusetts.
00:23:12.721 --> 00:23:51.068
But he tells me the story about how he was beating this guy so bad and his eyeball was hanging out of his head and he left the state and came to Maine and he came home to my mom and they were in their trailer and he was trying to explain himself and to unwind and to calm down and my aunt and some other family members were calling him and threatening him or telling him that, hey, this guy, he's hurt real bad, he's in the hospital, but his friends, they're coming for you.
00:23:51.068 --> 00:23:54.289
There's a whole posse of them coming for you.
00:23:54.289 --> 00:23:58.611
They've got guns and knives and everything.
00:23:58.611 --> 00:24:00.125
They're coming for you.
00:24:00.125 --> 00:24:06.799
And so people would either tell him what was coming or to threaten him with what was coming.
00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:10.026
And uh, I believe it was my.
00:24:10.026 --> 00:24:17.481
My mom had called Alan and said uh, hey, uh, you think you could come on over?
00:24:17.481 --> 00:24:28.511
Uh, there's a bunch of people headed this way Art beat somebody up real bad in Massachusetts and apparently there's a, there's a bunch of them that are, uh, that are, that are on their way.
00:24:28.511 --> 00:24:33.971
And uh, alan says, all right, yeah, let me just finish this beer and then I'll be right on over.
00:24:33.971 --> 00:24:37.787
So he tells me I finished my beer I had.
00:24:37.846 --> 00:24:47.900
Over there, your dad's just kind of hanging out, everybody's freaking out, and it's just me and your old man, you know, and all the women are freaking out about what's going to happen.
00:24:47.900 --> 00:24:55.965
And all these people are coming in and uh, your dad's calm, cool and collective, cause he knows that the two of us can, can figure this out.
00:24:55.965 --> 00:25:01.526
He's like and I come rolling in, you know, about a half hour later and and, uh, asking, asking, you know what the hell's going on?
00:25:01.526 --> 00:25:02.607
And everybody's freaking out.
00:25:02.607 --> 00:25:10.545
Everybody's freaking out, saying there's 15 of them, there's 20 of them, they're on their way.
00:25:10.545 --> 00:25:14.972
And my dad told him yep, well, just meet me at the end of the driveway.
00:25:14.972 --> 00:25:18.095
And everybody's freaking out about it.
00:25:18.095 --> 00:25:32.345
And how calm and collective that my dad and Big Al are and these people are going to come down here and just, it's a lynch mob coming to get him right, right, and everybody's freaking out oh, they're all coming from Massachusetts, they'll be here any time.
00:25:32.345 --> 00:25:39.070
Alan says I'm finishing one of my beers, I put it down on the counter and I said, well, that'd be a damn shame.
00:25:39.070 --> 00:25:43.650
And they look at him and says it'd be a damn shame to drive all that way just for an ass-whooping.
00:25:43.650 --> 00:25:51.569
It'd be a damn shame to drive all that way just to get your ass whooped.
00:25:51.569 --> 00:25:55.883
That's Big Alan, my dad.
00:25:56.625 --> 00:26:08.222
Two dudes willing to take on a freaking lynch mob, Two dudes willing to take on the world, two dudes that were willing to take on anything for their family, for their friends.
00:26:08.222 --> 00:26:18.044
It's all that mattered to them and they both worked their ass off to provide for their family and their friends.
00:26:18.044 --> 00:26:28.567
And when I was growing up, alan and Dawn's kids became my family and Chris was born before I was.
00:26:28.567 --> 00:26:39.909
Chris was born before my mom and dad got married, but Travis and I were born around the same time and we grew up together and Kyle was quickly behind me.
00:26:39.909 --> 00:26:58.309
So Travis, kyle and Chris have become brothers to me and years ago I lost my brother to cancer, and years ago ago I lost my brother to cancer, and years ago Travis and Kyle lost their brother Chris, and we've kind of shared that battle together, that struggle together.
00:26:58.369 --> 00:27:02.269
And throughout the years if you guys have been listening, you've heard my family.
00:27:02.269 --> 00:27:15.526
That's disowned me that I see a supposed blood brother every single day that refuses to wave at me or to look at me and we both have just made the decision that neither one exists and that's fine too.
00:27:15.526 --> 00:27:24.587
But during all this time I've realized that Kyle and Travis, those are my brothers, that we've been through the fire together.
00:27:24.587 --> 00:27:28.508
That's my family and I've always looked at them as brothers.
00:27:28.508 --> 00:27:57.311
And every time I've seen Alan, he's always called me son and you know he's told everybody that he is my godfather, but he's always told me that you know, I'm your dad, I'm your second dad, and Travis and I are both big boys and Travis is somebody that actually makes me look and feel small, so it's kind of hard to be next to him because I'm not comfortable with being the smaller of males in the room.
00:27:57.311 --> 00:28:14.803
So because of the size of uh of Alan's boys, my dad used to always say I'm pretty sure this one might be yours too, and I always had this running joke about um, alan being my dad, right, because they were always, always together, and um, we're all big boys now, right.
00:28:16.385 --> 00:28:20.594
When my dad passed, um, alan and Don were in Florida, so was Kyle.
