April 23, 2025

Loving an Addict: A Daughter's Journey to Healing

Loving an Addict: A Daughter's Journey to Healing
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The grip of addiction tears through families like a silent hurricane, leaving behind shattered relationships and broken promises. In this raw, vulnerable episode, we dive deep into what it truly means to love someone battling addiction – and the impossible choices that love sometimes demands.

Through a daughter's heartbreaking journey growing up with addicted parents, we witness the devastating ripple effects that spread through generations. From enduring physical abuse as a child to protect her younger brother, to the repeated cycle of hope and disappointment as an adult trying to help her mother find sobriety, her story illuminates the complex reality faced by millions of families across America.

What makes this conversation so powerful is its unflinching honesty about the hardest truth many never acknowledge: sometimes walking away is the only path to survival. "I wanted her happiness more than she did," she shares – a realization that ultimately led to setting boundaries that saved her own life and helped her build the family she never had but always deserved.

This episode doesn't offer easy answers because there aren't any. Instead, it provides something more valuable – the permission to prioritize your own wellbeing, the understanding that you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved, and the hope that by sharing our darkest struggles, we might become the light that guides others toward healing.

Whether addiction has touched your life directly or you know someone fighting this battle, this conversation will forever change how you understand the disease that makes someone "too selfish to see the havoc they've created or care about the people whose lives they've shattered."

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00:01 - Addiction's Far-reaching Impact

13:19 - Childhood in an Addict's Home

34:57 - Escaping the Cycle of Abuse

01:00:44 - Living in the Aftermath

01:21:14 - Setting Boundaries with Addicted Parents

01:46:21 - The Final Heartbreak

02:01:06 - Finding Peace and Moving Forward

WEBVTT

00:00:01.743 --> 00:00:11.551
Addiction, the disease that makes you too selfish to see the havoc you've created or care about the people whose lives you have shattered.

00:00:11.551 --> 00:00:22.371
On today's episode of Share the Struggle podcast, we're going to dig in to addiction and what it means to love somebody who has an addiction.

00:00:23.361 --> 00:00:25.789
Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.

00:00:25.789 --> 00:00:31.307
The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

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The choice is completely yours.

00:00:33.707 --> 00:00:39.627
Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

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If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.

00:00:47.310 --> 00:00:54.253
Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?

00:00:54.253 --> 00:00:59.972
Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you.

00:00:59.972 --> 00:01:04.971
When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.

00:01:04.971 --> 00:01:10.131
Most disagreements they stem from our own insecurities.

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You are right where you need to be.

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The whole day gone, falling behind, to rest in peace.

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What it do, what it do.

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Good Lord, almighty, am I feeling thankful to be back with you Today's?

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A milestone episode for us Episode 250.

00:01:44.686 --> 00:01:46.871
Milestone episode for us episode 250.

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That's kind of a crazy moment in time for us to be at 250 consecutive episodes of the podcast and, ironically, I think that episode 250 has the potential to be one of the most difficult yet inspiring episodes of the podcast, one that we are going to put out today with true hopes and aspirations of helping someone with a real desire of causing and affecting change today.

00:02:19.481 --> 00:02:32.314
With that being said, I could not be any more proud to be joined tonight by my lovely, beautiful wife, miss Allie Liberty, over there.

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That's me, hey guys.

00:02:36.282 --> 00:02:37.185
Welcome to the show.

00:02:37.185 --> 00:02:39.923
My dear I'm not my dear.

00:02:39.923 --> 00:02:46.747
My dear, my dear, oh here, here, that's something mya would say right here.

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I was trying to think of a Madea line real quick, and I couldn't think of one, hit me with one alert alert.

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That's it, alert alert.

00:02:56.390 --> 00:02:59.330
Last week you joined me as well.

00:02:59.330 --> 00:03:07.099
You picked the topic for the show last week because you were some fired up about.

00:03:07.241 --> 00:03:07.888
Oh yeah, that's right.

00:03:07.888 --> 00:03:08.979
I was like did I join you last week?

00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:12.050
I know right, it feels like it's been longer than a week, doesn't it?

00:03:12.050 --> 00:03:12.229
Yeah.

00:03:12.229 --> 00:03:41.836
So last week you picked the topic and, as life would have it, this week you picked the topic again and here we are getting ready to discuss really something that everybody in the country deals with, something that I think every household at this point has dealt with has some kind of struggle with named share the struggle.

00:03:42.376 --> 00:03:59.264
I think it's important for us to discuss and dig into one of the greatest struggles in our country today and that's addiction yeah, in some way, shape or form, it has touched you, whether it be a family member, a close friend, a friend of a friend.

00:03:59.264 --> 00:04:03.931
It has touched everyone.

00:04:03.931 --> 00:04:13.221
And if, if you say it hasn't, you haven't dug deep enough because it has in some way shape or form, you just start peeling back the onion and you're going to find it.

00:04:13.281 --> 00:04:19.742
It's like whether it's one layer, two layers, four layers deep you're going to find somebody.

00:04:19.742 --> 00:04:35.651
I think addiction is a great equalizer because it does not care about your social status, it does not care about how big your bank account is, it does not care who you voted for, who you pray to.

00:04:35.651 --> 00:04:51.291
Addiction really has no boundaries and I am willing to bet in some way, shape or form, with varying degrees, every household in America has some form of struggle with addiction.

00:04:51.291 --> 00:04:51.713
Yep.

00:04:54.983 --> 00:04:59.930
So this is I think we should start this episode off with a trigger warning.

00:05:01.302 --> 00:05:01.964
A trigger warning.

00:05:02.266 --> 00:05:02.406
Yeah.

00:05:03.141 --> 00:05:06.920
Okay, talk to me trigger warning.

00:05:06.940 --> 00:05:07.502
Yeah, okay, talk to me.

00:05:07.502 --> 00:05:15.702
Trigger warning is basically when you're going to get into like a deep, uh, conversation that could trigger somebody, like it could be, emotional, it could be.

00:05:15.702 --> 00:05:29.463
I think we should use that from here on out, like if it's going to be, or even when you're in the middle of it and you know that you're about to get like deep and dark and it might like yeah hit you in the feels you know it's gonna trigger some kind of heavy thought or emotion.

00:05:29.822 --> 00:05:45.230
Yeah, I think it's important to let people know, um, that it goes with a heavy heart as to what we're about to talk about and if you are listening to the podcast, we're super thankful and we appreciate you taking the time.

00:05:45.230 --> 00:05:57.233
But we want to give you that heads up and that warning that if you're about to walk into work, we don't want this to be some sort of trigger for you that you have to gather yourself.

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You know what I mean.

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I think it's important.

00:05:58.776 --> 00:05:59.656
I think it's important.

00:05:59.959 --> 00:06:02.730
I think some of our episodes are uplifting.

00:06:02.730 --> 00:06:06.490
We always try to put a positive spin on an episode, which we shall do again today.

00:06:06.490 --> 00:06:07.151
We always do.

00:06:07.151 --> 00:06:15.490
But some of our episodes are a lot more lighthearted and fun, right, and others there's a lot of heavy lifting and emotion.

00:06:15.490 --> 00:06:16.331
That goes into it.

00:06:17.321 --> 00:06:18.966
And today is certainly going to be one of those.

00:06:18.966 --> 00:06:22.086
Yeah, real, raw and honest.

00:06:22.086 --> 00:06:26.961
Real, raw and honest and in true liberty fashion.

00:06:26.982 --> 00:06:53.451
yesterday, when all of this situation took place, I said to you let's record the podcast yeah, before we even really dive head over heels into this, I want to start off by saying to you that I'm proud of you for saying to you that I'm proud of you for opening up, sharing something so personal and the fact that that was your first thought right.

00:06:53.653 --> 00:07:01.677
Like not your first thought, but when you started to process things and some time had kind of set in, you said well, let's talk about this.

00:07:01.677 --> 00:07:05.161
And I think that shows a few things.

00:07:05.161 --> 00:07:17.372
Number one it shows the type of person you are, that you're transparent, you're willing to bare your soul and your heart with the hopes of making a difference for somebody else.

00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:28.047
Yeah, I hope that my story, my message that I put across can help somebody or give them the push that they need to make the change that they need.

00:07:28.047 --> 00:07:35.048
Because, I'll tell you, what we're about to dig into is not for the weak.

00:07:35.048 --> 00:07:35.911
Yeah.

00:07:38.483 --> 00:07:53.697
I commend you for sharing your story, your thought process in wanting to help somebody, and also I'm proud of you for having the strength to share your story, because too many people keep this stuff in.

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Too many people bottle this stuff up and then it turns into a cancer inside you that will eat away at you, so I'm so thankful for you that your thought process was I'm going to get this out, I want to share my thoughts and I'm going to do what's right and I'm going to hope that by being transparent and heartfelt, that I'm going to help somebody.

00:08:15.632 --> 00:08:16.132
That's my goal.

00:08:17.939 --> 00:08:18.961
Without any further ado.

00:08:18.961 --> 00:08:31.706
I think to kind of rip off the band-aid and start getting into the discussion this is a personal topic for you and to tackle addiction head on.

00:08:31.706 --> 00:08:55.186
We are going to start right off with a family dynamic and what your childhood was like and, um, if you could just express to some of the people that maybe this is the first time that they've joined the podcast or maybe they're long time loyal day ones, but they just it's been a long time since they heard any of this.

00:08:55.186 --> 00:09:13.201
But really, for those of the folks that are listening for the first time or they're new to us we've picked up a lot of new listeners as of late kind of set the scene for them a little bit about what your childhood was like and, you know, just kind of paint the picture to pave the road a little bit here about your upbringing.

00:09:14.202 --> 00:09:35.962
Yeah, so I am the oldest of two children, so myself and my brother and I can recall up until my brother and I were maybe like I think I was eight, so my brother was probably like four.

00:09:35.962 --> 00:09:38.785
Life was great.

00:09:38.785 --> 00:09:46.815
Mom, dad, I can remember those things, but I didn't know any better either.

00:09:46.815 --> 00:10:22.301
So what I recall is that we lived in this beautiful house, we had four wheelers, we were near a lake, we would do those things, but every night my parents would have people show up at the house all the time and they were always in their quote-unquote office and I remember so well that all I could smell was skunk all the time, all the time.

00:10:22.301 --> 00:10:24.527
And I didn't know any better.

00:10:24.527 --> 00:10:30.759
We lived in the woods and I was like, and my parents would always cover it up and just say like, oh, it's a skunk outside.

00:10:32.423 --> 00:10:42.927
Well, the more I grew older, you realize that they were just smoking weed, and this topic is not going to be about smoking weed, because everybody in there tom, dick, dick and Harry smokes weed.

00:10:42.927 --> 00:10:44.029
It's not about that.

00:10:44.029 --> 00:10:45.754
So I just want to put that out there.

00:10:45.754 --> 00:11:04.754
Day in and day out there would be people at the house, and the more that I grew older, the more this addiction became more intense.

00:11:04.754 --> 00:11:30.402
There was alcohol involved, there was pills involved, there was weed involved, and these sort of transactions and situations happened around us, so around, like I don't know.

00:11:30.402 --> 00:11:31.946
Maybe nine or ten is when I really started to realize like what?

00:11:32.086 --> 00:11:32.528
exactly was going on?

00:11:32.528 --> 00:11:39.128
Um, from the age eight to ten, there's constant flows in the evening, people coming by either during the day.

00:11:39.128 --> 00:11:45.769
In the evening we were meeting somewhere doing whatever they were taking you guys on meetups to drop things off.

00:11:45.769 --> 00:11:55.168
So after about a year or two years of this you kind of realized this isn't normal really and you start to really put together what's actually happening.

00:11:56.884 --> 00:12:02.470
At that time it started to become more clear because the aggression started.

00:12:02.470 --> 00:12:04.366
That's when it started to come up.

00:12:04.366 --> 00:12:20.221
So the alcohol and the drugs mixed together formed, um, an aggression, uh towards me, um, and so at that point, um, it became like a constant thing.

00:12:20.221 --> 00:12:37.447
Um, I was, I was beat down, I was abused, I was hurt, and I would stand up to my parents because I didn't want my brother to get hurt.

00:12:37.447 --> 00:12:40.572
So I took the brunt of it because he was so young.

00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:48.692
When you say you stood up to your parents and took the brunt of it to protect your brother are you referring to abuse.

00:12:48.812 --> 00:12:51.025
Yes, yes, physical abuse.

00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:54.208
Is this coming from both of your parents?

00:12:54.208 --> 00:12:54.831
One of your parents?

00:12:55.380 --> 00:13:00.620
Well, the physical was not from my mother, the verbal was from my mother.

00:13:00.921 --> 00:13:23.394
So you have your father being abusive, physically abusive, putting hands on you and then when you're thinking that your mother should be stepping in to protect you, she's, in turn, actually being mentally abusive or manipulative yeah, she would turn the other way.

00:13:23.533 --> 00:13:23.934
She wouldn't.

00:13:23.934 --> 00:13:39.860
Yeah, she would turn the other way.

00:13:39.860 --> 00:13:44.025
She would go downstairs in the basement or in the office and close the door and she would just lie about it.

00:13:44.025 --> 00:13:54.897
If I would say something about it house and tell her what happened, or if I had a mark on me and I would tell her, she would say she's lying and she just wants attention.

00:13:56.000 --> 00:14:01.393
I'm sure at this age going to school, you're 10 years old and you have marks on you.

00:14:01.393 --> 00:14:23.847
Other kids had to notice or bring things up or the marks were always in a hidden spot yeah, did you so at that time I started going to the guidance council I'm gonna say did you ever speak with somebody at school like this is what's, this is what's happening at home yep, um, and the first time that I did that um, a d DHS worker showed up at the house.

00:14:23.847 --> 00:14:26.991
That didn't go so well.

00:14:27.253 --> 00:14:34.684
No, no, that did not go over very well at all, and again it was just a lie.

00:14:34.684 --> 00:14:36.226
I was lying.

00:14:36.226 --> 00:14:37.969
I do this all the time.

00:14:37.969 --> 00:14:40.893
I am a manipulator.

00:14:40.893 --> 00:14:42.674
I am the problem.

00:14:42.674 --> 00:14:44.480
I have a problem.

00:14:44.500 --> 00:14:48.403
I've met many 10-year-olds that were the manipulative problem, you know.

00:14:51.027 --> 00:14:58.096
So at that point, when the abuse would happen, I began to run away.

00:14:58.096 --> 00:15:10.249
I would run away to my friend Catherine's house and they would, they would protect me, they would um, I can't tell you how many times, um, I ran away to her house and they knew I went there.

00:15:10.249 --> 00:15:25.011
And the police would go to their house and and Catherine's dad would say she's not here, I haven't seen her, and I would be upstairs on the top, on the top bunk with a blanket over my head and just begging him not to let them.

00:15:25.011 --> 00:15:26.033
Let them come in.

00:15:26.581 --> 00:15:39.254
This already triggers the fact that this many years ago, there's still so much wrong in this country with not stepping in and protecting children.

00:15:39.254 --> 00:15:43.203
Like DHS has to know better than just to show up at the house.

00:15:43.203 --> 00:15:44.767
This is going to, this is what's going to happen.

00:15:44.767 --> 00:15:46.068
Like DHS, has to know better than just to show up at the house.

00:15:46.068 --> 00:15:53.279
This is what's going to happen, like you're provoking this abusive father to beating the shit out of his kid, like questioning them is not the way.

00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:54.480
It's not the answer.

00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:56.447
Yeah, all they did was just come and do a welfare check.

00:15:56.607 --> 00:16:12.460
Yeah, that's, and I get it because a lot of times there could be situations where, like, you need to do some research, but do your damn research if the kid has marks and stuff or you know the the whole law enforcement thing going out and looking for you.

00:16:12.460 --> 00:16:17.149
Um, it's just crazy that that they couldn't see this.

00:16:17.149 --> 00:16:25.288
Like you can't interview somebody that's all messed up on pills and weed and drunk and believe them.

00:16:25.450 --> 00:16:25.951
You know what I mean.

00:16:25.951 --> 00:16:27.953
It's crazy, but that's the thing.

00:16:27.953 --> 00:16:29.993
It was masked.

00:16:29.993 --> 00:16:30.720
Yeah.

00:16:31.201 --> 00:16:43.908
So when DHS would show up, they were this perfect mom and dad, we have this beautiful house, we have this four-wheeler, we have all this stuff and she's just ungrateful.

00:16:43.908 --> 00:16:45.706
I remember them saying that all the time.

00:16:45.706 --> 00:16:46.229
And she's just ungrateful.

00:16:46.229 --> 00:16:47.214
I remember them saying that all the time.

00:16:47.214 --> 00:16:54.730
She's just ungrateful, she's a spoiled brat and she doesn't get what she wants, so she makes up lies and she runs away.

00:16:54.730 --> 00:16:59.932
Those are the things that I overheard them say to the DHS worker.

00:16:59.932 --> 00:17:11.781
She has a beautiful bedroom, she has this, she has that, she has this, but what you don't see?

00:17:11.821 --> 00:17:12.603
is what happens behind closed doors.

00:17:12.603 --> 00:17:12.983
That's the problem.

00:17:13.003 --> 00:17:41.559
One of the uh craziest stories that I've heard from you about how far they would go to portray themselves as not being abusive addicts was, um the family photo yeah yeah, they were on the wall, they were perfect, they were the perfect photo and that was the only photos that we ever had had done I remember you saying that they were like under investigation.

00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:44.573
Right, they were under investigation so it was a dhs open case, so to overcome that, they were like under investigation, right, mm-hmm?

00:17:44.573 --> 00:17:45.195
They were under investigation.

00:17:45.215 --> 00:17:46.000
Yeah, it was a DHS open case.

00:17:46.840 --> 00:17:50.829
So to overcome that, they wanted to paint the picture of this great, happy family.

00:17:50.829 --> 00:17:53.007
So they go, book the JCPenney.

00:17:53.127 --> 00:17:54.905
Macy's, whatever mall glamour shot photo.

00:17:54.905 --> 00:17:56.686
We had never done that, ever, ever.

00:17:56.686 --> 00:18:03.465
And then immediately we came home and they made sure to get like the biggest package and it was like, but I'm all up on the wall.

00:18:05.648 --> 00:18:08.814
That's completely an addict's justification in covering something too.

00:18:08.874 --> 00:18:09.335
You know what I mean.

00:18:09.335 --> 00:18:17.372
Yeah, yeah, because I was going through pictures and I found them and I just like those pictures.

00:18:17.392 --> 00:18:18.618
Like I look at them and they just make me cringe.

00:18:18.659 --> 00:18:19.882
Yeah, that's the hardest thing.

00:18:20.201 --> 00:18:23.708
That's the thing, like if we're starting to relate this to other people that are listening.

00:18:23.708 --> 00:18:26.953
That's the thing that, like you, can't believe in social media.

00:18:26.953 --> 00:18:34.521
You know, like this was pre-social media.

00:18:34.521 --> 00:18:41.208
But how many people do we have in our lives right now that they're putting these, you know, filter-fueled images on social media to protect the fact of what's going on behind closed doors?

00:18:41.208 --> 00:18:41.307
You?

00:18:41.307 --> 00:18:46.028
Know what I mean To paint that false image that we have this happy family when in actuality behind closed doors.

00:18:46.048 --> 00:18:49.855
You know what I mean to paint that false image that we have this happy family when in actuality behind closed doors like it's all hell.

00:18:50.056 --> 00:18:58.096
You know yeah, and it's as simple as like baseball games and all this kind of stuff like that we would go to to attend.

00:18:58.096 --> 00:19:11.163
I can recall my dad having a gatorade or fruit punch gatorade bottle with a Cape Cod in it on the bleachers of a kid's baseball game.

00:19:11.163 --> 00:19:17.402
I can recall these things and it's like who knows how many pills you took before you started drinking.

00:19:17.402 --> 00:19:20.609
And then here you are sitting on the bleachers dozing off.

00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:25.729
I can't tell you how many times you'd be sitting there having a conversation with him and he would just doze off.

00:19:25.729 --> 00:19:28.775
I can't tell you how many times you'd be sitting there having a conversation with him and he would just doze off, like you're not tired, like here.

00:19:28.775 --> 00:19:30.518
I am thinking that's, that's normal.

00:19:30.518 --> 00:19:32.243
You know, I don't know any different.

00:19:33.165 --> 00:19:34.269
People got to understand you're.

00:19:34.269 --> 00:19:37.403
We're talking about an eight year old, a 10 year old, where this shit's happening.

00:19:37.463 --> 00:19:54.615
I'm 10 years old, yeah, so um, after multiple times of of hiding from the police, every time I had to go home, and it never got easier when.

00:19:54.615 --> 00:19:55.700
I went home, yeah.

00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:56.623
It was always.

00:19:56.623 --> 00:19:58.429
You get what you want.

00:19:58.429 --> 00:20:06.347
The grass is always greener on the other side, like you're a spoiled brat, but really never.

00:20:06.347 --> 00:20:16.248
Yeah sure, we have this house and we're down the street from the lake and we have these four wheelers, but if you're being abused and neglected, none of that stuff means anything to me.

00:20:16.248 --> 00:20:17.150
I'm 10 years old.

00:20:17.150 --> 00:20:18.401
I don't want any.

00:20:18.401 --> 00:20:19.824
I don't want any of that.

00:20:19.824 --> 00:20:20.885
I want to get away.

00:20:20.885 --> 00:20:33.212
I want to get away from everything, from the hurt, from the pain, but I don't feel comfortable doing that with my little brother being there.

00:20:33.212 --> 00:20:33.894
Right.

00:20:35.060 --> 00:20:44.194
My goal as the I guess it's not even my goal my job as an older sibling is to protect him.

00:20:44.194 --> 00:20:46.332
That is your duty as an older sibling to protect him.

00:20:46.352 --> 00:20:55.461
That is your duty as an older sibling to protect your younger siblings the sad thing is is that's your fucking parents duty, but they just were not actual adults and parents.

00:20:55.461 --> 00:21:02.442
You know right, and I know, if you have an abusive parent, then you're trying to confide in the other one.

00:21:02.442 --> 00:21:05.646
You're running to the other one for protection and in turn, you're trying to confide in the other one.

00:21:05.646 --> 00:21:16.412
You're running to the other one for protection and in turn, you're actually getting accused of things and manipulated and to the point where, like you, have a mother that's jealous of a 10-year-old.

00:21:16.571 --> 00:21:19.269
Yeah, I couldn't go to the store with my dad.

00:21:19.269 --> 00:21:21.729
We couldn't go on, you know, on good.

00:21:21.729 --> 00:21:22.702
There was good days.

00:21:22.702 --> 00:21:29.094
You know, my dad and my brother and I we would go on four wheeler rides and um, during the day was great.

00:21:29.094 --> 00:21:40.040
It was at nighttime when he would like start to drink and do pills and he would get aggressive and um it.

00:21:40.040 --> 00:21:47.314
Anytime we did anything that Angel didn't want to be a part of.

00:21:47.314 --> 00:22:02.092
I would always return to the house and receive an attitude like, like I'm entitled, like I'm like just made me feel so little.

00:22:02.092 --> 00:22:03.334
I'm 10 years old.

00:22:03.334 --> 00:22:05.821
I just want to come home and be like oh my god, guess what we did?

00:22:05.821 --> 00:22:07.006
Like we did this, we did that.

00:22:07.006 --> 00:22:07.426
You know what I mean.

00:22:07.426 --> 00:22:12.970
Like you want to share with that other person, like what happened, and she's like cool must be nice.

00:22:12.970 --> 00:22:19.105
That is what I heard my entire life, my entire must be nice, must be nice.

00:22:21.127 --> 00:22:23.731
In that monotone you had mentioned too.

00:22:23.731 --> 00:22:24.593
She's always.

00:22:25.294 --> 00:22:43.768
She's not doing mom things either, like she's playing on the computer always playing like farmville and being on the computer just on social media, because anytime that she would get a job she would get hurt at it on purpose so she could collect unemployment and sit at home.

00:22:43.768 --> 00:22:46.614
She never wanted to keep a real job.

00:22:46.614 --> 00:22:49.585
To be honest with you, I can't even.

00:22:49.585 --> 00:23:04.763
The only job that I can recall that she actually kept was when she was a worker for my grandma, for one of her foster kids, and that, to be honest, thinking about it now, never should have happened.

00:23:04.763 --> 00:23:21.704
That should have been a conflict of interest at its finest, because here's angel working with my grandmother's foster kids as an employee yeah, that's not that's a conflict of interest across the board, but they allowed it to happen.

00:23:22.045 --> 00:23:34.184
so she would would come in, she would take care of um one of the children and that she would take them places and do things and do that, and that's the only job that I can actually recall that she ever kept.

00:23:34.184 --> 00:23:34.905
Yeah.

00:23:36.068 --> 00:23:43.382
So it's one of those situations where I'm going to get a job long enough to either get let go or to have an injury so I can collect unemployment.

00:23:43.663 --> 00:23:44.686
It was always an injury.

00:23:44.686 --> 00:24:08.029
Until I get to the point of trying to just collect disability and never have to work again, basically Mm-hmm, yep, yeah, I can recall like she fell down the stairs at work, she slipped on the ice and hurt her back and she got head-butted at work, and this, that and the third, like the list goes on and on and on.

00:24:08.029 --> 00:24:15.153
Like she had to have had like a red flag on her, you would think yeah, unemployment status.

00:24:15.153 --> 00:24:17.299
Unemployment status, disability status.

00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:19.902
This lady's had 15 injuries at work type of scenario.

00:24:19.981 --> 00:24:20.522
Once a year.

00:24:20.522 --> 00:24:24.987
Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, it was one of those things.

00:24:24.987 --> 00:24:35.797
And then, like, god forbid, if you missed the bus and had to, like, ask for a ride to school, forget about it.

00:24:35.797 --> 00:24:39.003
Forget about it, you might have.

00:24:39.003 --> 00:24:42.751
You might as well have just asked her to run a marathon.

00:24:42.751 --> 00:24:47.541
Yeah, have just asked her to run a marathon.

00:24:47.541 --> 00:24:50.267
She was not walking away from her computer to bring you to school.

00:24:50.267 --> 00:24:51.529
No, you better walk.

00:24:52.813 --> 00:25:00.352
I used to miss the bus on purpose because she would make my brother not at eight years old, this was like a little bit, he was a little bit older.

00:25:00.352 --> 00:25:03.730
He would miss the bus because that boy did not want to get up out of school like out of bed and he would have to walk to school and she would be sitting on the computer.

00:25:03.730 --> 00:25:08.407
I would miss the bus because that boy did not want to get up out of school like out of bed and he would have to walk to school and she would be sitting on the computer.

00:25:08.407 --> 00:25:15.353
I would miss the bus on purpose and walk with him because I would have to walk by to go to school how long was the walk?

00:25:17.142 --> 00:25:31.126
uh, you know where the um the gazebo is because, in biddeford oh, so I didn't know if you were still talking about no this is like in biddeford okay yeah to the elementary school in biddeford.

00:25:31.347 --> 00:25:34.913
Wow, he's like eight that's crazy.

00:25:34.913 --> 00:25:50.888
That's the shittiest part of town for some little kid to be walking yes in the first place I would purposely miss the bus so that I could walk with him what, um, what happened to the nice house and lost it because she didn't want to work lost everything.

00:25:51.631 --> 00:25:55.243
Dan couldn't afford it on his own lost everything.

00:25:55.243 --> 00:26:10.593
But in the meantime, before all that happened um, I mean they were after that situation we bounced from people's houses.

00:26:10.593 --> 00:26:21.588
We stayed in people's houses, sharing living quarters, because they lost everything, right, and we were staying in motels.

00:26:21.588 --> 00:26:38.284
We were staying in motels, we were staying in cottages, we were staying with my grandparents, we were staying with Meme, really anywhere, but we weren't anywhere for a long period of time.

00:26:38.284 --> 00:26:51.090
We jumped from place to place but we were allowed at my gram's house, but my dad wasn't.

00:26:51.090 --> 00:27:00.036
They didn't have a good relationship because my grandmother did not trust Dan.

00:27:00.036 --> 00:27:02.497
She could read right through him.

00:27:02.517 --> 00:27:06.961
She knew what was happening at home Because she believed me.

00:27:06.961 --> 00:27:10.029
Yeah, she was the only one, correct, correct?

00:27:10.029 --> 00:27:29.171
I know that there was a time when you were a little kid and you ran away from home and stole a pedal bike and this is yep, actually, you're correct, that was before we left the um water from waterborough tondel, which, for those that don't know, I don't even know the miles on that, but that's it takes us 30 minutes to drive.

00:27:29.171 --> 00:27:32.369
It takes us 30 minutes to drive there and you pedal biked it as a little kid.

00:27:32.539 --> 00:27:36.488
Yeah, so actually, um, my bad on that, uh yeah.

00:27:36.488 --> 00:27:41.866
So what had actually happened is I had gone to the guidance counselor for the last time.

00:27:41.866 --> 00:27:53.044
Um, I had had enough, um, and this time I was like you know what, I'm going to the guidance counselor and this time I'm not leaving, I'm not going home, unless someone's coming with me.

00:27:53.044 --> 00:27:53.545
Right.

00:27:53.705 --> 00:27:55.789
I'm, I'm done, I can't do this anymore.

00:27:55.789 --> 00:27:57.500
Um, I will run away.

00:27:57.500 --> 00:27:59.365
Um, I'm telling them everything.

00:27:59.365 --> 00:28:00.807
I'm telling them everything.

00:28:00.807 --> 00:28:11.172
And that day, um telling them everything, and that day, the guidance counselor was like I can't physically do anything.

00:28:11.172 --> 00:28:20.704
I remember them checking me for bruises and I remember them calling DHS while I was in the room.

00:28:20.704 --> 00:28:23.627
They said that someone would meet me there.

00:28:23.627 --> 00:28:31.031
I'm, at this point, middle school, I think.

00:28:31.031 --> 00:28:33.268
Middle school, age 12, I think.

00:28:34.101 --> 00:28:39.092
How can a guidance counselor in DHS negotiate with a 12-year-old?

00:28:39.092 --> 00:28:40.173
You know what I mean?

00:28:40.173 --> 00:28:42.888
Well, you get there and then we'll meet you there.

00:28:42.888 --> 00:28:47.464
That's not how this shit should work, man like you're not protecting anybody nope.

00:28:48.145 --> 00:28:56.090
So at that point, when I had got home, there was nobody there, there was no new vehicles in the driveway, there was no, nothing.

00:28:56.090 --> 00:29:03.791
So I had, uh, broken into the shed, um, and there was my brother's mongoose bike and I took it.

00:29:03.791 --> 00:29:09.509
I took it, I had actually drove.

00:29:09.509 --> 00:29:18.130
I took the bike and I went over to Catherine's house first and they weren't home, and that was my safety net.

00:29:18.130 --> 00:29:22.770
They weren't home and I said what other option do I have?

00:29:22.770 --> 00:29:25.768
I have to go somewhere.

00:29:25.768 --> 00:29:27.980
And I know they're going to go there anyway.

00:29:27.980 --> 00:29:30.119
And that was their first line of defense.

00:29:30.119 --> 00:29:38.226
They went right there because Catherine told me afterwards that they had gone there and it was.

00:29:39.692 --> 00:29:44.259
I don't know exactly who went there, but I know that it wasn't just the officers, that's what they said.

00:29:44.259 --> 00:29:49.854
There was multiple people that went to katherine's house, um and um.

00:29:49.854 --> 00:30:06.429
So instead, I, I just, I just drove my bike, I, I just my brother's bike, I rode and rode talking about a 50 55 mile an hour road, by the way, like it's not yeah it's a trucker route it's a trucker's route with a 12 year old on a pedal bike like not not safe at all.

00:30:06.660 --> 00:30:08.726
Not one person stopped to ask me if I was okay.

00:30:08.726 --> 00:30:16.224
Nope, nope, and these are back roads that I'm taking to, so there's no street lights.

00:30:16.224 --> 00:30:29.275
There's you know, it's after school, like I'm just driving, I'm just pedaling and I'm going to get there and every hill that I got to I'm like counting, I'm like, all right, I know I'm this far away, I know I'm this far away.

00:30:36.144 --> 00:30:37.744
At this point you're scared of them coming up behind you.

00:30:37.744 --> 00:30:38.425
I'm sure I'm pedaling.

00:30:38.425 --> 00:30:44.330
That's why I'm taking random side roads, because I know if I Trying to lose them Because they're not going to think that I'm going to a rundle.

00:30:45.031 --> 00:30:47.334
They're going in Waterboro.

00:30:47.334 --> 00:30:48.555
They're going to stay in that area.

00:30:48.555 --> 00:30:50.376
They know that's where all my friends are.

00:30:50.376 --> 00:30:50.836
Right.

00:30:50.836 --> 00:30:58.273
And so I get to my grandmother's house and no one's home.

00:30:58.273 --> 00:31:02.166
Mind you, the driveway is actually.

00:31:02.166 --> 00:31:05.133
My aunt and uncle live in the first house.

00:31:05.133 --> 00:31:10.526
My uncle and cousins live in the next house, like it's basically just like a family compound.

00:31:10.546 --> 00:31:12.210
Family dead end road yeah.

00:31:12.371 --> 00:31:12.632
Yeah.

00:31:12.632 --> 00:31:29.229
And so like I end up, like my grandma's actually on vacation, and I break into the house and I call her cell phone from the house and immediately she said what are you doing?

00:31:29.229 --> 00:31:33.067
Yeah, and I just said I can't, I can't do it and I can't go home.

00:31:33.067 --> 00:31:33.851
I can't go home.

00:31:33.851 --> 00:31:36.449
And she said lock the door and do not open the door for anyone.

00:31:36.449 --> 00:31:38.826
I'll be on the next plane home and I will.

00:31:38.826 --> 00:31:39.509
I will be there.

00:31:39.509 --> 00:31:47.025
Don't open the door, because she knew if I opened the door they would take me home.

00:31:47.025 --> 00:31:47.644
Yeah.

00:31:48.865 --> 00:31:58.834
And I got worried this time around that if I went home, how bad it would be.

00:31:59.534 --> 00:31:59.954
I'm sure.

00:32:00.914 --> 00:32:01.115
Like.

00:32:01.115 --> 00:32:04.377
So I didn't open the door.

00:32:04.377 --> 00:32:10.040
They did show up.

00:32:10.040 --> 00:32:15.508
I didn't open the door, um, and I heard them out there um, but I did what she said don't open the door.

00:32:15.508 --> 00:32:22.583
And then she was there and the next day she is a um foster parent.

00:32:22.583 --> 00:32:26.549
So she has to legally reach out to the.

00:32:26.549 --> 00:32:31.163
She has to reach out to DHS and say listen, this is the circumstances.

00:32:31.163 --> 00:32:32.507
I know you have an open case.

00:32:32.507 --> 00:32:40.240
I don't want to lose my license and I don't want to lose the kids that I have here, but this is the circumstances and she does not want to go home.

00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:45.730
You have open cases on her right now and I'm okay with her staying here.

00:32:47.573 --> 00:32:51.805
And they never I never became a.

00:32:51.805 --> 00:32:54.390
They allowed me to stay there.

00:32:54.390 --> 00:32:55.451
I moved in.

00:32:55.451 --> 00:33:28.332
I had the ability to go with a DHS caseworker back to the house in Waterboro to collect my belongings and I remember Angel saying I was sitting on the stairs going up to my bedroom and she said you don't know what you're doing to this family, you are breaking this family up and I remember that and I will remember that for the rest of my life, not the fact that I was protecting myself and you were seeing that.

00:33:28.660 --> 00:33:31.489
You were doing what she should have always done, which is protect you.

00:33:31.489 --> 00:33:35.048
Correct, you were the adult in the situation and you're 12 years old.

00:33:35.048 --> 00:33:36.811
Yeah.

00:33:38.101 --> 00:33:54.760
So at that point DHS allowed me to get all my belongings pack them up and it's my understanding now that I never became a ward of the state, so I never became like a foster kid or anything like that, like I.

00:33:54.760 --> 00:34:01.729
What it sounds like to me is that my parents allowed it to happen.

00:34:02.481 --> 00:34:03.184
Right, I got you.

00:34:03.184 --> 00:34:07.605
This is they basically wanted to avoid a court case and everything else, Correct correct.

00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:26.909
And so, with that being said, I was allowed to go see them and they were allowed to come see me, and I could go on weekend visits or any of that nature if I wanted to.

00:34:26.909 --> 00:34:31.971
And I didn't for a very, very long time.

00:34:31.971 --> 00:34:43.012
And then one time I went to go visit and I found myself on a plane headed to see my Uncle Bruce.

00:34:43.012 --> 00:34:43.994
I thought this was great.

00:34:43.994 --> 00:34:47.007
It was the 4th of July, it's perfect timing.

00:34:47.007 --> 00:34:50.467
I'm like this is great, I'm going to watch all the fireworks.

00:34:50.467 --> 00:34:54.422
I haven't seen my uncle in so long and they tried to keep me there.

00:34:57.871 --> 00:34:58.413
That's wild.

00:34:58.413 --> 00:35:05.965
You don't spend any time with them for months and then you go to spend a weekend with them and they try to abduct you and bring you to Atlanta.

00:35:08.009 --> 00:35:12.579
They didn't go with me, so they just threw you on a plane.

00:35:12.579 --> 00:35:19.112
They put me on a plane in Portland and my uncle was waiting in Atlanta for me because I had a direct flight.

00:35:20.081 --> 00:35:25.630
So your uncle On a buddy pass, I'm sure has no clue that their motive is to steal you away from your grandmother.

00:35:25.992 --> 00:35:27.094
No idea, wow.

00:35:27.094 --> 00:35:29.867
So it's summer break.

00:35:29.867 --> 00:35:33.690
I'm there visiting, having the time of my life.

00:35:33.690 --> 00:35:34.844
I'm going to Six Flags.

00:35:35.461 --> 00:35:37.168
Does your grandmother know where you are during this?

00:35:39.481 --> 00:35:43.552
I think so because when I called her she asked me.

00:35:43.552 --> 00:36:03.664
Think so because when I called her she asked me like I can't remember like exactly, but I do remember after calling, like I called to tell her like what was going on because, like, I talked to her not my parents and I remember having a conversation with her about everything that was going on and she asked me so when are you coming home?

00:36:03.664 --> 00:36:10.710
And my conversation with her is I don't know, I don't know.

00:36:10.710 --> 00:36:16.094
So I asked my uncle, bruce, like I want to go home, when can I go home?

00:36:16.094 --> 00:36:23.206
And he didn't have an answer for me.

00:36:23.849 --> 00:36:30.338
Jeez, bro, and to be honest with you, I don't really recall how long I was there.

00:36:30.338 --> 00:36:32.295
Yeah, I know it wasn't a weekend.

00:36:32.295 --> 00:36:33.731
I know it wasn't a like.

00:36:33.731 --> 00:36:35.894
I was on summer break, so I was having a good time.

00:36:35.894 --> 00:36:36.657
I'm 12 years old.

00:36:36.657 --> 00:36:45.778
Like I'm in in another state, I'm visiting cousins I haven't seen in a long time, so I don't recall how long I was actually there, but I was there for some time.

00:36:46.050 --> 00:36:51.302
There was another situation where they had you for a weekend and they dropped you off somewhere, right?

00:36:51.302 --> 00:36:51.842
What was that?

00:36:52.063 --> 00:37:01.123
Yeah, they had me for a weekend and this was like this actually happened before the trip to Georgia.

00:37:01.123 --> 00:37:14.998
So I was actually dropped off at the Halifax house, which is for children who are disobedient, which is for children who are disobedient.

00:37:14.998 --> 00:37:21.103
Out of line, just not sane.

00:37:21.663 --> 00:37:22.483
So here you are.

00:37:22.483 --> 00:37:23.324
You're a little kid.

00:37:23.324 --> 00:37:25.485
You're getting the shit kicked out of you by your dad.

00:37:25.485 --> 00:37:28.007
You're getting mentally abused by your mother.

00:37:32.809 --> 00:37:34.978
They're blaming you as the problem and they drop you off, basically at a halfway house for kids.

00:37:34.978 --> 00:37:36.083
Yeah, there was alarms on the door.

00:37:36.083 --> 00:37:37.106
There was bars on the windows.

00:37:37.106 --> 00:37:39.936
You couldn't come out of your bedroom without the alarm going off.

00:37:39.936 --> 00:37:42.222
Um, you had to attend meetings.

00:37:42.222 --> 00:37:44.349
There had like group meetings.

00:37:44.349 --> 00:37:46.793
You weren't allowed to go off the property.

00:37:46.793 --> 00:37:57.300
Um, when I got there, I gave them all my stuff, they went through all my stuff and then I was told I couldn't use the phone for like a week.

00:37:59.090 --> 00:38:05.623
They basically admitted their child to prison for being the mature one in the family.

00:38:08.251 --> 00:38:09.536
And I was there for a couple of weeks.

00:38:09.536 --> 00:38:15.898
And I called my gram every day and I said come get me.

00:38:15.898 --> 00:38:26.882
And she said I don't know where you are and I can't Because, again, they're still my parents.

00:38:26.882 --> 00:38:30.800
I never became a ward of the state or she could have stepped in.

00:38:31.771 --> 00:38:34.820
This is just a snippet of what your upbringing was like.

00:38:34.820 --> 00:38:44.764
They lose the house and everything that they thought was like their showpiece of life.

00:38:44.764 --> 00:38:47.577
Basically, right the thing, that could cover everything up.

00:38:47.577 --> 00:38:49.496
Angel doesn't want to work.

00:38:49.496 --> 00:38:56.760
They're deep in drugs, so they're bouncing from couch to couch, to motel, to hotel to whatever.

00:38:56.760 --> 00:38:57.483
Yep.

00:38:57.483 --> 00:39:06.902
Do you have an instance where, unfortunately for you, your whole world changes because your grandmother, who's raising you, passes?

00:39:06.922 --> 00:39:19.358
Yeah, and she passed away when I had been living with her from the age of I think it was like 11, and I turned 12 when I was with her.

00:39:19.518 --> 00:39:48.297
Yeah, because I remember I was in middle school and so I lived with her until, mind you, I lived with her on and off on her property, right, yeah, dealing with this chaos, yeah because we actually had a camper that was backed into like one bay of a three-bay garage and one of the bays was turned into like a living room so it was attached to the camper that was in the garage.

00:39:48.297 --> 00:39:52.958
So I would honestly sneak out in the middle of the night and run across the driveway and go into my grandparents' room and stay with them.

00:39:52.958 --> 00:39:57.918
So I would honestly sneak out in the middle of the night and run across the driveway and go into my grandparents room and and stay with them.

00:39:57.918 --> 00:40:04.137
This is when I'm like way young, before my brother's even born, um, but dan wasn't allowed there yeah like.

00:40:04.697 --> 00:40:22.097
So I lived with her most of my life, um, and so I had been living with her from the age of full term, lived with her every day from the age of 11 to 17, when she passed away.

00:40:22.878 --> 00:40:25.471
So you feel like you're starting to get your life straightened out.

00:40:25.471 --> 00:40:29.034
You're 17, you're about to graduate high school.

00:40:29.054 --> 00:40:31.356
Yep, yep, and she's about to set me up.

00:40:31.356 --> 00:40:40.804
Like you know, we're talking about like getting driver's ed and getting like a real job and doing all the things.

00:40:40.804 --> 00:40:51.878
Um, she's, uh, she's setting me, setting me straight, she's making me earn, uh, everything, working my tail off.

00:40:51.878 --> 00:40:58.626
You know, nothing I ever had was ever given to me.

00:40:59.471 --> 00:41:09.585
She's instilling core values in you and making up for the wrongs and teaching you the life lessons that you should have been taught, as opposed to the ones that you were taught.

00:41:09.585 --> 00:41:09.965
Correct.

00:41:09.965 --> 00:41:20.902
And you're starting to make something of yourself and trust me, I was an angry kid I was fighting everyone at school.

00:41:21.242 --> 00:41:24.673
Yeah, I had a bad attitude, but I had great reason to do that.

00:41:24.673 --> 00:41:28.963
I had a grown-ass man going toe-to-toe with me day in and day out.

00:41:28.963 --> 00:41:30.532
So of course I'm angry.

00:41:30.532 --> 00:41:43.255
Yeah, I have so much to be angry for and I remember like constantly being pulled into the principal's office because I didn't care if you were five foot or six foot two.

00:41:43.255 --> 00:41:49.755
You looked at me the wrong way and I'm going to swing on you because I have so much pent up anger.

00:41:49.755 --> 00:41:55.545
By the time I was 17 years old, I had 10 assault charges.

00:41:55.545 --> 00:42:03.724
Four of them, maybe even five, were on my own mother.

00:42:04.592 --> 00:42:05.757
Yeah, she called the cops on you.

00:42:06.369 --> 00:42:07.090
And pressed charges.

00:42:07.090 --> 00:42:08.052
Every single time, I defended myself.

00:42:08.052 --> 00:42:10.355
Every single time I defended myself.

00:42:11.476 --> 00:42:25.972
So think about the fact that you have this young girl growing up that is being physically abused by her father Bullied, Bullied, standing up for herself and then fighting back.

00:42:25.972 --> 00:42:30.240
And then you're rewarded by your mother calling the police and pressing assault charges on you.

00:42:30.240 --> 00:42:30.601
Yes.

00:42:31.262 --> 00:42:36.360
Yeah, Yep, so you're starting to overcome this stuff.

00:42:36.360 --> 00:42:47.201
You're you're learning right from wrong, Like your, your, your grandmother's really making you earn every single thing in life and you're really establishing these core values.

00:42:47.201 --> 00:42:57.681
And the worst thing that could have ever happened is you wake up and find that your uh, that your, your grandmother who really is your mother at this point has passed.

00:42:57.681 --> 00:42:59.012
Not only has she passed?

00:42:59.012 --> 00:43:01.699
But you have to be the one to find her.

00:43:01.699 --> 00:43:02.501
Yeah.

00:43:02.889 --> 00:43:06.574
And as if you hadn't already grown up way too fast.

00:43:06.574 --> 00:43:11.001
Now here we are again, and to not go down that whole road.

00:43:11.001 --> 00:43:24.603
What people need to understand is now, at this point, the rest of your family steps in and takes everything from you that your grandmother had either awarded you or made you work for.

00:43:24.603 --> 00:43:35.280
Family steps in, takes absolutely everything Correct, and now your safety net and the only person that you can trust that's taking care of you is gone and you have nothing.

00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:36.001
Nothing.

00:43:37.889 --> 00:43:44.775
You had to go out on your own and start a life for yourself by yourself at age 17.

00:43:45.737 --> 00:43:47.577
Yep.

00:43:47.577 --> 00:44:02.032
So, for whatever reason, angel showed up at the house the day that my gram had passed away and she said come on, let's go.

00:44:02.032 --> 00:44:04.318
I'm 17 years old, I just lost my everything.

00:44:04.318 --> 00:44:05.840
I don't know any better.

00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:06.963
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

00:44:06.963 --> 00:44:11.978
I don't know which way is up at this point.

00:44:11.978 --> 00:44:18.574
All I do know is that my life had just changed in that moment, that I had woken up and I didn't know what to do.

00:44:18.574 --> 00:44:34.724
So I ended up with Angel at their motel room in Kennebunk and we basically just sat there and talked and I was like what?

00:44:34.724 --> 00:44:43.159
I had my grandmother's dog, trixie, her little Datsun, with me, and Trixie is just like crying and crying.

00:44:43.159 --> 00:45:03.559
And I just remembered, like Angel, just I don't even know, I don't even recall her crying Like I don't even there was no mourning, there was no, and I mean, everybody grieves differently, but we were just in a hotel room, like just hanging out Like it was a normal casual day.

00:45:03.860 --> 00:45:17.907
Meanwhile, my life is being pulled out in a body bag and everybody is running through the house that I grew up in, taking anything and everything, running through my room, her room, in taking anything and everything, running through my room, her room, looking for anything and everything they could of value.

00:45:17.907 --> 00:45:19.938
Because again, here's the picture.

00:45:19.938 --> 00:45:21.898
We live on a compound.

00:45:21.898 --> 00:45:25.780
They watched the hearse pull in.

00:45:25.780 --> 00:45:28.237
They watched the hearse pull out.

00:45:28.237 --> 00:45:31.721
They knew the house was no one was there.

00:45:31.721 --> 00:45:33.351
They knew the house was no one was there.

00:45:33.351 --> 00:45:41.144
They ran through that house like it was no, like nothing even happened, like they were some sort of criminals breaking in.

00:45:47.150 --> 00:45:56.804
When I went back to that house to collect some of my belongings, to try and just not be in the house that I just found my grandmother in the house was in such disarray I threw up.

00:45:56.804 --> 00:46:10.516
Like the house looked like someone had burglarized it and this was only a few hours that I had been out of the house because I said I can't be here.

00:46:10.516 --> 00:46:12.563
Why am I here in this hotel room?

00:46:12.563 --> 00:46:14.570
Like here, I am 17 years old.

00:46:14.570 --> 00:46:15.956
Like get me the fuck out of here.

00:46:15.956 --> 00:46:17.802
I don't want to be here.

00:46:18.664 --> 00:46:19.266
That's crazy.

00:46:19.266 --> 00:46:29.614
You never know people's true character until times like that, and it's extremely hard to forgive people when they act that way.

00:46:29.614 --> 00:46:37.494
You know, I know there's family in your life that you've reconnected with, but when you think about those times, it's like I don't even know how you can.

00:46:37.494 --> 00:46:37.936
You know what?

00:46:37.956 --> 00:46:38.177
I mean.

00:46:38.197 --> 00:46:45.193
Sometimes it's like how do I forgive and forget people for their actions when they did stuff like this Every time.

00:46:45.936 --> 00:46:47.561
This goes for pretty much everybody.

00:46:47.561 --> 00:46:56.664
I feel like every time I lose somebody in my family I learn some of the worst characteristics about the rest of my family that's still living.

00:46:56.664 --> 00:47:02.862
You see people's true insights for who they are and it's disgusting.

00:47:02.862 --> 00:47:17.570
So you're trying to really sticking on addiction, because this does stem from addiction.

00:47:17.570 --> 00:47:28.286
At this point your parents chose pills and alcohol and weed or whatever over you and you're struggling with this.

00:47:28.286 --> 00:47:35.682
The repeat scenario here is that you always give them another chance.

00:47:35.682 --> 00:47:48.494
So after your grandmother passes, you're trying to make it on your own, but this starts the repeat effect of always giving them another chance, another opportunity.

00:47:48.775 --> 00:47:51.322
Yeah, as soon as she passed away, I didn't have anything.

00:47:51.322 --> 00:48:00.077
They wouldn't allow me, the family wouldn't allow me, to stay at the house, even though I was 17 years old and I had grown up in that house.

00:48:00.077 --> 00:48:06.864
What they didn't know was that I was about to come into some money, a big chunk of money.

00:48:06.864 --> 00:48:12.338
To be honest, I want to say it was $122,000.

00:48:12.338 --> 00:48:18.079
I was about to come into at 18 years old because I had gotten my arm caught in a hay baler at the age you almost lost your arm.

00:48:18.221 --> 00:48:25.121
Yes, this opens up a whole other can where, like your parents, manipulated the situation to take money.

00:48:26.793 --> 00:48:38.592
Oh yeah, they got their money for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure and um.

00:48:38.592 --> 00:48:49.570
So what the family didn't know is that I was about to come into some money and I would be okay to stay in that house, right, but they refused to let me stay in the house that I grew up in yeah they kicked me out and then let somebody else a family member move in and destroy the house.

00:48:49.891 --> 00:48:53.260
The ironic thing is is you could have paid rent and everything would have been fine.

00:48:53.902 --> 00:48:55.146
And there barely was a mortgage.

00:48:55.146 --> 00:48:57.532
I think there wasn't a mortgage, it was just taxes.

00:48:58.235 --> 00:49:03.590
And the thing is is like we talk about when you sprinkle time and distance on things.

00:49:03.590 --> 00:49:13.259
Eventually that house gets basically destroyed and it gets sold for less than you could have paid for it at age 17.

00:49:13.259 --> 00:49:29.349
So you could have rented there, stayed there until you were 18 and bought that house, and every single family member that was entitled to money would have made more money off of you buying that house than what they eventually did when they sold it because it was half destroyed.

00:49:30.413 --> 00:49:36.496
Yeah, they allowed a flood to happen purposely, I don't know, but yeah, and so they allowed a flood to happen purposely, I don't know, but yeah, and so they sold it for next to nothing.

00:49:37.311 --> 00:49:52.400
It's crazy how people's greed tends to come back and eat them alive you know, so I don't know the best place where you want to take this, but I know that it's a constant struggle for you with them.

00:49:52.400 --> 00:49:57.478
You end up going back with them because you have no other option.

00:49:57.498 --> 00:49:58.342
I have no other option.

00:49:58.342 --> 00:49:59.956
It was very short, short lived.

00:49:59.956 --> 00:50:07.956
I had actually stayed with them, I can't exactly.

00:50:07.956 --> 00:50:12.643
I had to stay with them for a short amount of time because I was still in high school, right?

00:50:12.663 --> 00:50:22.057
So I had to I had to stay with them for a short amount of time because I was still in high school, right, so I had to get my diploma and while doing that I was staying in the motel in Kennebunk with them.

00:50:22.057 --> 00:50:52.114
And then they had moved out of that motel into Biddeford and a family member whose angel's brother called, called the school Kenny bunk school and said Alison doesn't live in Kenny bunk anymore, that's why, senior year I had to transfer schools to Biddeford for a vocational school program which was early childhood development and a study hall.

00:50:54.177 --> 00:50:58.503
All because you know no one wanted hair across his ass and wanted to prove a point.

00:50:58.503 --> 00:50:59.184
Yeah, basically.

00:50:59.525 --> 00:51:10.012
Yep, that my mom, that I wasn't living living in Kennebunk anymore, so I didn't deserve to get a diploma from Kennebunk and I didn't deserve to go to that school anymore.

00:51:10.012 --> 00:51:19.646
Yeah, when the assistant principal was very close with my family and very close with this uncle of mine.

00:51:20.070 --> 00:51:30.221
Here's another scenario, and less on unforgiveness, because you have forgiven him and just yesterday you're counseling this man.

00:51:30.762 --> 00:51:31.744
Wrong uncle.

00:51:32.449 --> 00:51:33.976
Oh, this one's no longer here.

00:51:34.076 --> 00:51:34.436
Correct.

00:51:34.998 --> 00:51:35.340
I got you.

00:51:35.469 --> 00:51:43.811
This one has passed on, but I have a relationship, then if that's the case.

00:51:43.851 --> 00:51:46.096
He's also the one that almost cut your arm off.

00:51:46.096 --> 00:51:47.798
Correct, Correct.

00:51:47.798 --> 00:51:49.382
What an asshole Yep.

00:51:50.623 --> 00:51:50.824
Yep.

00:51:50.824 --> 00:51:53.217
So if anything, you owed me something.

00:51:53.217 --> 00:52:09.842
Of course you did and if you would have looked at the scenario and been like, okay, she's going to a vocational school in Biddeford and coming back for a study hall in Kennebunk who gives a fuck if she graduated, I need one credit, that's insane.

00:52:09.842 --> 00:52:14.612
So I have a diploma from Biddeford High School, but I didn't attend Biddeford High School.

00:52:14.612 --> 00:52:15.293
Yeah.

00:52:16.414 --> 00:52:19.677
I so much so that I ran the damn thing over.

00:52:19.677 --> 00:52:24.320
I ran it over Like so.

00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:33.768
During this entire process, angel and I saw more on hand of the addiction.

00:52:33.768 --> 00:52:37.594
I would see more and more Now you're basically an adult.

00:52:38.130 --> 00:52:46.561
I'm an adult, yeah, at that point, and I wouldn't stay there at the motel.

00:52:46.561 --> 00:52:49.978
90% of the time I was either at Katie's house or Lindsay's house.

00:52:49.978 --> 00:52:51.675
I didn't want to be there.

00:52:51.675 --> 00:52:53.835
But where am I supposed to go?

00:52:53.835 --> 00:52:54.719
What am I supposed to do?

00:52:54.719 --> 00:53:12.922
But these friends of mine knew what was going on and basically took me in Because, like they understand the circumstances, like they know, I don't want to be with my parents based on the addiction, based on the trauma, based on the abuse.

00:53:12.922 --> 00:53:14.610
So they're trying to help me.

00:53:14.610 --> 00:53:31.134
But I would see, day in and day out, like we would just be going to the store to get dinner and you know, we'd be in the parking lot and I'd look out the window and you see, like a hand to hand, like he's, he's doing a drug deal while we're trying to pick food up at Hannaford.

00:53:31.134 --> 00:53:34.077
Yeah, you know what I mean, like it's just a constant thing.

00:53:34.077 --> 00:53:44.867
And then you'd get back and Angel would be in front of the computer, just like dozing off, like just staring, like hello, hello, are you there?

00:53:53.867 --> 00:53:54.230
Like no, no, no.

00:53:54.230 --> 00:54:26.577
So this is hard, it's hard to process and and we could go on for hours about, yeah, separate experiences and things um, but I do know that there comes a time I can only speak to, when you and me start, start dating and I can see the addiction with both of them and you know the manipulation, all the lies, all the times they promised you that they would, you know, be here for something or we were going to do something.

00:54:26.577 --> 00:54:36.460
I see all of those things and all those letdowns and you know you go over and see the manipulation and the sense of, like Angel was always.

00:54:36.460 --> 00:54:39.177
What am I going to get out of this scenario?

00:54:39.619 --> 00:54:42.478
Always it was a one-sided relationship, for sure.

00:54:43.010 --> 00:54:48.217
And anytime we would be over there and you'd be talking about something, it would always be the must be nice.

00:54:48.217 --> 00:54:50.757
I heard that a multiple amount of times.

00:54:50.797 --> 00:54:51.641
I got a new job.

00:54:51.641 --> 00:54:52.534
I got a new vehicle.

00:54:52.594 --> 00:54:53.277
Right, exactly.

00:54:53.349 --> 00:54:58.556
We're going on vacation because we earned it, all that sort of thing.

00:54:59.530 --> 00:55:13.329
I had actually heard from people that are no longer friends of ours, that were at one point in time friends of both of our families separately, that came to me at my work and told me all the shit.

00:55:13.349 --> 00:55:34.228
She was talking about you and me, you know, um, so you just you hear those things, but but the drug use became obvious and it was tough for me to see you always get your hopes up that they would change and become the parents that you deserved.

00:55:34.228 --> 00:56:04.179
So what would happen was a repeated cycle of you removing yourself from a situation and then them, you know, taking this time, and they would run you through the mud like angel would really be the vocal one that would run your name through the shitter, that would talk shit to your brother to keep you away from from from us and, um, she would be the one stirring the pot and causing the arguments with you and eventually you would just cut all ties.

00:56:04.179 --> 00:56:17.097
And then some time would pass and you would forgive and forget and try to mend the relationship, there'd be a glimpse of hope you'd see some glimmer of hope that you could fix this and you would go running back in to fix it.

00:56:17.599 --> 00:56:21.380
Yeah, Because I learned those characteristics from my grandma.

00:56:21.380 --> 00:56:29.956
She taught me to wear her, that she wore her heart on her sleeve and she was always there to help people.

00:56:29.956 --> 00:56:39.036
And I learned that from her and I felt that, with that glimmer of hope that I could fix it.

00:56:39.751 --> 00:56:40.856
And that's what I hoped for.

00:56:40.856 --> 00:56:43.097
I can fix this, I can fix this.

00:56:43.097 --> 00:56:44.295
And I constantly said that.

00:56:44.295 --> 00:56:56.233
And then I remember you and I having a conversation and you're like you can do whatever you want, but I'm sick of picking up the pieces for you because you're getting hurt.

00:56:56.233 --> 00:57:13.726
And it was at that moment that I was like you're right, it's not fair to you, it's not fair to you and it's not fair to me to constantly be coming back, thinking and hoping and praying and then just get my heart crashed like crashed on again.

00:57:13.726 --> 00:57:31.679
And it was at that moment that I made the decision to I had to walk away for us, yeah, for our relationship, because I was worried it was going to put a wedge in between us and that what we have wasn't going to be what we had anymore.

00:57:31.679 --> 00:57:37.626
And so at that point I started to distance myself for longer times.

00:57:38.030 --> 00:57:42.413
I know how hard that was for you because we went through these cycles of like to your point.

00:57:42.413 --> 00:57:45.746
We would all of us would try to welcome them back.

00:57:45.746 --> 00:57:45.965
Yeah.

00:57:45.965 --> 00:57:46.889
My parents included, absolutely.

00:57:46.969 --> 00:57:48.556
We would have them over for holidays, absolutely.

00:57:49.030 --> 00:57:54.559
For dinners, and then it would turn into something you know, like Always We'd make theseners and then it would turn into something you know like.

00:57:54.579 --> 00:57:57.990
Always make these plans and then there would be nothing and then it would was always some sort of drama, like we were the problem.

00:57:58.050 --> 00:57:59.635
We did something, we said something.

00:57:59.735 --> 00:58:16.911
Yeah, we created something and the more this went on, we realized that it was she's a narcissist at its finest, of course, but we didn't until you had that conversation with me to open my eyes to this is what's happening and you need to see it.

00:58:16.911 --> 00:58:29.172
Yeah, like I didn't see it, and, and that's the hardest thing, is that I was constantly manipulated, constantly like this has been happening to you my whole room, to this your entire life, my whole life.

00:58:29.512 --> 00:58:41.538
so I didn't see it, but you were on the outside, so for you to see it and open my eyes and express to me listen, I'm going to support you 110% on what you do, but I'm going to tell you this is what's happening and this is what I see.

00:58:41.538 --> 00:58:43.411
It was not an easy conversation.

00:58:44.094 --> 00:58:44.494
It hurt.

00:58:44.494 --> 00:58:50.193
Very difficult conversation because, like to your point it was also you can do whatever you want to do and I'm going to support you.

00:58:50.193 --> 00:59:07.385
But I'm getting tired of picking up the pieces every time you come home and you are destroyed and then it's a month or two months to try to get your confidence back to get you back to being who you are supposed to be to the person that I know you are.

00:59:07.784 --> 00:59:09.275
Right, you fall in this depression.

00:59:09.409 --> 00:59:14.922
It was just a vicious cycle all the time and at the time there was a great portion of this where we were living with my parents.

00:59:14.922 --> 00:59:17.277
The whole household was living through the depression.

00:59:17.277 --> 00:59:18.079
You know what I mean.

00:59:18.670 --> 00:59:26.764
I read a thing the other day that said that loving an addict is like grieving a loss.

00:59:26.764 --> 00:59:29.432
You go through this like roller coaster.

00:59:29.432 --> 00:59:32.076
So you're like I'm good, I'm not good, I'm good, I'm not good.

00:59:32.076 --> 00:59:43.411
And when I read that I thought back to our conversation and I thought back to, wow, he was right.

00:59:43.411 --> 00:59:46.695
Wow, that's that's exactly what I was going through, but I didn't know anything different.

00:59:46.695 --> 00:59:47.197
That was comfort to me.

00:59:47.217 --> 00:59:50.242
The constant uh, fight like, fight for fight.

00:59:50.242 --> 00:59:53.213
For me is what I is what I grew up on on.

00:59:53.213 --> 01:00:02.117
There was constant like fighting and bickering in my household, but it was like always fighting for someone's attention and you're getting an attitude from this person because you were giving this one attention.

01:00:02.117 --> 01:00:03.842
I was used to that.

01:00:03.842 --> 01:00:05.172
That was the.

01:00:05.172 --> 01:00:25.713
That was the life that I lived and, to put it into perspective, I started to dig in a little bit deeper about what a narcissist is and I'm like that's it.

01:00:25.713 --> 01:00:27.523
It's a narcissistic behavior and she would know right where to hit me.

01:00:27.523 --> 01:00:28.969
That it would be she knew what would hurt.

01:00:28.969 --> 01:00:29.972
Yes, she knew what would hurt.

01:00:29.992 --> 01:00:40.503
She knew what would hurt, she knew what to say, and the thing that always killed me was that you always wanted their happiness more than they did.

01:00:40.503 --> 01:00:44.458
Every time I wanted you pushed harder for them to be happy.

01:00:44.458 --> 01:00:46.431
You pushed harder for them to be healthy.

01:00:46.431 --> 01:00:51.717
You pushed harder for them to make the right choices than they did and they began to resent you for it.

01:00:52.221 --> 01:00:55.516
They began to resent you for the fact that you were becoming happy.

01:00:55.516 --> 01:01:03.163
They resented you for the fact that you were building a life for yourself, that you got out of the scenario, that you were bettering yourself.

01:01:03.163 --> 01:01:05.152
They resented you for it.

01:01:05.152 --> 01:01:07.777
She completely hated you for it.

01:01:07.777 --> 01:01:20.882
But talk about how you've ruined the family and you chose me over the family and all these things, and you wanted her happiness more than she ever did.

01:01:21.550 --> 01:01:24.376
Yeah, I wanted her to be healthy, happy and sober.

01:01:24.376 --> 01:01:26.282
Yeah, More than they did.

01:01:27.072 --> 01:01:29.936
Because it was always— you wanted the mother that you should have always had.

01:01:30.297 --> 01:01:30.639
Correct.

01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:40.096
That little girl inside of me begged and pleaded for a relationship and I tried, and I tried and I tried day in and day out.

01:01:40.096 --> 01:01:58.641
Let's go to counseling, let's work on this, and it was always you're the problem, you're it, you cause all of this and I don't have a problem.

01:01:58.641 --> 01:02:01.318
That's what I would be greeted with.

01:02:01.318 --> 01:02:05.378
I don't have an addiction, I'm not the problem.

01:02:05.378 --> 01:02:12.056
You're just right back to being spoiled, rotten, and it has nothing to do with that.

01:02:12.056 --> 01:02:24.103
I just see through the addiction and the thing of it is is loving someone who is an addict is so hard.

01:02:24.103 --> 01:02:45.934
It's so hard because, like you're saying, you want it more than they do, and I can't tell you how many times I have left their driveway crying because I just wanted them to do better and I had hopes and I prayed that they could do it, that they could get sober and they could change.

01:02:48.579 --> 01:02:53.065
We got to the point where you had to cut all ties.

01:02:53.431 --> 01:02:55.557
All ties from both of them.

01:02:56.010 --> 01:03:06.481
We talk a lot on this podcast about having to make the difficult decision to walk away from negativity at all costs, no matter how close that person is to you.

01:03:06.782 --> 01:03:08.577
Yeah, letting go of things that are not serving you.

01:03:09.150 --> 01:03:18.376
The greatest challenge you could have ever had is walking away from your parents because they were taking you down.

01:03:18.376 --> 01:03:23.704
They were toxic and by doing so, your life changed.

01:03:23.704 --> 01:03:24.951
Drastically.

01:03:24.951 --> 01:03:30.277
You've built an amazing life for yourself and so many positive things have happened.

01:03:31.778 --> 01:03:34.543
I've prayed for this life and here I am living it.

01:03:35.784 --> 01:03:44.773
We To try to connect some of the dots here, just so people can kind of understand your parents.

01:03:44.773 --> 01:03:46.278
They separate.

01:03:46.278 --> 01:03:50.695
Your dad goes through some struggles but he's come out of this.

01:03:51.210 --> 01:03:53.798
He was having a real hard time with the addiction.

01:03:53.798 --> 01:03:54.199
Yep.

01:03:55.371 --> 01:03:59.967
And we had a time where we helped him get through the addiction and everything was great.

01:03:59.967 --> 01:04:03.523
And then he relapsed, and then he would relapse and fall right out of the graces.

01:04:03.523 --> 01:04:08.538
Just stop talking to her and then we said, okay, that's it, we can't help here anymore, I'm done.

01:04:08.538 --> 01:04:10.492
But he's doing great now.

01:04:10.572 --> 01:04:11.255
He is doing wonderful.

01:04:11.255 --> 01:04:14.762
He's in a healthy relationship A great career.

01:04:14.842 --> 01:04:15.403
He's happy.

01:04:15.403 --> 01:04:17.630
He's held down a great career for years.

01:04:17.710 --> 01:04:23.402
And we've invited him with all of the work that he's put in and that he's put the effort forward.

01:04:23.402 --> 01:04:28.697
We've allowed him and welcomed him back into our life, but there was a good amount of time that.

01:04:29.130 --> 01:04:33.882
The most important thing you can say in this is that he's in his granddaughter's life.

01:04:34.210 --> 01:04:38.038
He is now and it didn't start out that way.

01:04:38.157 --> 01:04:54.974
That's great for both of them you know, and, and I'm still at an arm's length with this whole scenario and uh, but I'm proud of him for the differences and I can see that he has that he has changed, and I'm me too and I'm happy for him.

01:04:54.974 --> 01:05:08.755
And this is all we ever wanted for angel was for her to see the light, take the actionable steps herself to change herself so that she too could have the same thing because they both got the same treatment from you.

01:05:08.815 --> 01:05:09.717
They did, they did.

01:05:09.717 --> 01:05:11.501
They both got cut off.

01:05:11.501 --> 01:05:13.762
Uh, 100 completely.

01:05:13.762 --> 01:05:16.072
Uh, no communication, I'm done.

01:05:16.072 --> 01:05:17.956
They would reach out and I wouldn't respond.

01:05:17.956 --> 01:05:20.911
Um, I would see them in public and I wouldn't respond.

01:05:20.911 --> 01:05:26.110
I would walk in the other direction, um, because they weren't ready and I knew they weren't ready.

01:05:26.110 --> 01:05:44.023
Based on the conversation and the messages that I would receive, like, um, I could tell that they had not had enough time to think about the reasoning why I was away, other than the fact that, again, I'm the problem.

01:05:45.070 --> 01:05:50.353
I think that Dan got to a point where he realized these are my mistakes that I have to own and I caused.

01:05:50.353 --> 01:05:58.077
This angel never got to a point of believing or accepting responsibility or accountability for any of her actions.

01:05:58.177 --> 01:05:59.460
Yeah, dan getting sober.

01:06:00.481 --> 01:06:00.663
Right.

01:06:01.170 --> 01:06:05.362
Is what really allowed all of those feelings to kind of surface.

01:06:06.351 --> 01:06:09.077
You remove yourself.

01:06:09.077 --> 01:06:10.081
Your life changes.

01:06:10.081 --> 01:06:12.056
Your brother removes himself Yep.

01:06:12.250 --> 01:06:12.773
His life changes.

01:06:12.773 --> 01:06:13.260
Yep he, your brother, removes himself.

01:06:13.260 --> 01:06:13.867
Yep His life changes.

01:06:13.739 --> 01:06:14.621
Yep, he's a dad now.

01:06:14.621 --> 01:06:18.402
Yep, your dad's rebounded and making it a second life for himself.

01:06:18.402 --> 01:06:18.521
Mm-hmm.

01:06:18.521 --> 01:06:23.440
And Angel spirals down Hard.

01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:30.349
Yes, to the point where we really weren't keeping tabs on anything, mm-hmm.

01:06:30.349 --> 01:06:34.278
And we were informed that she was on the news.

01:06:35.581 --> 01:06:37.893
Yeah, we were.

01:06:37.893 --> 01:06:45.110
I would get updates here and there from people, but just dismissed it because I just didn't want it to be reality.

01:06:45.170 --> 01:06:46.755
You're trying to remove yourself too, right yeah?

01:06:47.789 --> 01:06:53.313
Because we live in a small town, everybody knows everybody, everybody knows her, and that she's my mother.

01:06:53.313 --> 01:07:03.385
So I would constantly get these reminders, but I wouldn't feed into them and I wouldn't reach out and I wouldn't do anything about them, because I didn't want them.

01:07:03.385 --> 01:07:04.831
Number one didn't want them to be true.

01:07:05.612 --> 01:07:09.336
Number one, number two, I didn't want to associate myself with it.

01:07:09.336 --> 01:07:15.070
I didn't want to let her life and her situation live rent-free in my head.

01:07:15.070 --> 01:07:35.483
I was doing good, things were great, I was on the up and up, and the moment that I spent even a glimpse of time thinking about it, I immediately felt that depression kicking in and I immediately felt my heart sink, preparing for the hurt.

01:07:35.483 --> 01:07:38.306
Yeah, every time, every time.

01:07:38.306 --> 01:07:50.224
So, yeah, we got informed that she was on the news and basically came, I guess.

01:07:50.224 --> 01:08:09.458
We got the information that she was homeless, yeah, and she was living in the encampments downtown Biddeford and she had made some suggestions that if she hadn't had the people that were there, she probably would have jumped in the river.

01:08:09.458 --> 01:08:19.515
Right Making indications that she would commit suicide.

01:08:19.555 --> 01:08:34.479
She was so when dan dan had removed himself and got healthy, and then he made the mistake of going back to help her again to help her correct, and then the he's spent 20 something years together so he moves out again for the final time.

01:08:34.479 --> 01:08:39.649
Her apartment turns into a drug house essentially it's a party drug house.

01:08:39.649 --> 01:08:41.476
It's a party frat house yeah.

01:08:41.729 --> 01:08:45.240
There's a few dudes sleeping on the couch, whatever.

01:08:45.240 --> 01:08:47.409
There are pop-up rooms, makeshift rooms, everywhere.

01:08:47.409 --> 01:08:51.140
I remember going in there to move a TV for your dad and it was just people sleeping.

01:08:51.140 --> 01:08:52.612
It was a drug house.

01:08:52.612 --> 01:08:55.556
I remember going in there to move a TV for your dad and it was just people sleeping.

01:08:55.556 --> 01:08:56.319
It was a drug house.

01:08:56.319 --> 01:09:00.667
The neighbors had told you there was people in and out because you ended up having to work with one of our neighbors.

01:09:00.686 --> 01:09:19.596
Yeah and they just said all hours of the night there was constant traffic in and out, which was her selling drugs and doing drugs, and I hadn't seen her in a very long time until we had seen her on the news.

01:09:19.596 --> 01:09:40.862
Someone had sent us the article and I and her name had come up and I looked at it and I was like that's not her no way like, uh, she's let me see 52 years old and looking at her on there, she looked like she was 70 two years old and looking at her on there she looked like she was 70 it's crazy, she's 10 years older than I am right, um, yeah, if you look, she loses that place.

01:09:40.881 --> 01:10:03.822
She's now like on the news and a newspaper article as well, giving an interview that she's living in a tent yeah, and a homeless, you know, encampment downtown biddeford, and now making the statement that if it wasn't for the fellow people in tent city, I would have basically killed myself right and she was making these um statements of suicide your entire life yeah, essentially right.

01:10:04.103 --> 01:10:10.024
Yep, if Dan ever leaves me, I'm going to commit suicide and I just want to be with my dad, who died in 2004.

01:10:10.426 --> 01:10:16.975
I've had multiple conversations with your dad when I was trying to help him out of his scenario and him saying if I leave, she's going to kill herself.

01:10:16.975 --> 01:10:23.059
I don't want that on me, and often people will say that to hold people in place you know, and she did.

01:10:23.890 --> 01:10:27.121
So it's to the point where she's unrecognizable.

01:10:27.121 --> 01:10:49.953
These camps get closed down and then I know we're kind of fast forwarding around here, but but now she's living in the parking lot of our local walmart and a rundown camper basically for yeah, that looks like a meth lab, exactly yeah, and I ended up mounted up all outside of it, propane tanks all outside of it like it's it's.

01:10:50.635 --> 01:10:58.761
I don't know how the city lets these things happen, but there's a few of them over there and it's basically just a drug addict paradise trailer park over there.

01:10:59.273 --> 01:11:08.814
I had run into her in Walmart and the only reason why I recognized that it was her was because of the rings on her hand.

01:11:08.814 --> 01:11:10.158
Wow.

01:11:10.489 --> 01:11:27.756
Because the rings on her hand have been on her hand forever and um, and they were like, there was like a mother's ring, there was a ring from my grandmother there I knew those rings, yeah.

01:11:27.756 --> 01:11:46.537
And she was holding onto the cart in the clearance rack and I looked over I didn't recognize her at all, but I recognized the rings and I made a comment along something along the lines of don't you just love this section?

01:11:46.537 --> 01:11:53.439
Or something of that nature, like it was just like trying to make conversation, because at this point I hadn't talked to her in over a year.

01:11:53.439 --> 01:11:54.180
Yeah.

01:11:54.702 --> 01:12:15.591
Hadn't talked to her and I never should have said anything, because the next form of communication was she found me on Facebook and she said I ran through the store the entire time looking for you because I didn't recognize it was you.

01:12:15.591 --> 01:12:22.346
You're a manipulator, you're a narcissist, you are a liar.

01:12:22.346 --> 01:12:24.490
I haven't changed one bit.

01:12:24.490 --> 01:12:28.500
The only person that has changed in this situation is you.

01:12:28.500 --> 01:12:30.304
You knew it was me.

01:12:30.304 --> 01:12:36.152
The look on your face that I actually said something to you looked like you had seen a ghost.

01:12:36.152 --> 01:12:37.954
You knew it was me.

01:12:37.954 --> 01:12:45.770
You lied to my messenger saying that you looked for me in the store.

01:12:45.770 --> 01:12:51.059
You snubbed me when I said don't you just like this section?

01:12:51.059 --> 01:12:54.243
You didn't even say anything to me.

01:12:54.243 --> 01:13:01.911
You looked at me like you saw a ghost and looked back to the section that you were looking at and didn't say boo.

01:13:01.911 --> 01:13:09.704
And I took that and I said, okay, you've done enough, and I walked away.

01:13:10.551 --> 01:13:15.131
There was another altercation that happened at Walmart sometime after that.

01:13:15.171 --> 01:13:38.898
Where she was, was she yelling and freaking out at you and um yeah, she was living in an RV and I was at the Walmart to go and I didn't even know that she was living like I had heard that she was living in an rv, but here I'm not looking for an rv, like, not an rv, excuse me, a u-haul.

01:13:39.500 --> 01:13:42.632
I'm not a u-haul I'm not looking for a u-haul truck, folks.

01:13:42.632 --> 01:13:43.333
Yes she's.

01:13:43.574 --> 01:13:48.631
She rented the u-haul because she got kicked out of the oh, this was right after the apartment.

01:13:48.631 --> 01:14:05.837
This because I ran into her when she was in the apartment and then she had gotten all of her stuff out of the apartment and moved into this rv and like, basically stole it yeah like stole the u-haul and like it was like called in stolen, like.

01:14:06.259 --> 01:14:28.462
But in this amount of time, I'm picking up my walmart to go order and she parks directly in front of my car, gets out and just starts losing it on me, like, first of all didn't recognize her again, because this is like a little bit of time in between, probably like a couple of months still don't recognize you.

01:14:28.462 --> 01:14:33.378
And all of a sudden she's just like like I'm like sitting on my phone waiting for my order, you know what I mean.

01:14:33.378 --> 01:14:35.333
And all of a sudden's just like like I'm like sitting on my phone waiting for my order, you know what I mean.

01:14:35.333 --> 01:14:41.496
And all of a sudden there's someone at my window like bang, bang, bang, you fucking piece of shit.

01:14:41.496 --> 01:14:52.222
Like just I don't even remember what the conversation like, I can't even like recall, but she was so mad at me yeah and all I said was I didn't said was I didn't put you here.

01:14:53.024 --> 01:14:53.664
I didn't put you.

01:14:53.664 --> 01:14:56.814
You know I lost everything and that's my fault.

01:14:57.095 --> 01:14:57.717
Right, of course.

01:14:58.490 --> 01:14:59.896
I didn't put the drugs in your arm.

01:14:59.896 --> 01:15:03.377
I didn't tell you to take the drugs.

01:15:03.377 --> 01:15:05.143
Right, You're an addict.

01:15:05.143 --> 01:15:06.996
Check yourself in.

01:15:06.996 --> 01:15:09.797
And she said why?

01:15:09.797 --> 01:15:13.131
Because that would make you feel better.

01:15:13.131 --> 01:15:16.917
I said, no, because you need the help.

01:15:16.917 --> 01:15:20.501
You're mentally not okay.

01:15:20.501 --> 01:15:25.126
She says well, I don't even have any money to drive this U-Haul anywhere.

01:15:25.126 --> 01:15:38.216
Great, so use that last little bit of gas and park that U-Haul in the hospital parking lot, Walk in the emergency room and check yourself in.

01:15:38.216 --> 01:15:38.858
Is what I said to her.

01:15:38.858 --> 01:15:39.819
And she said I'm not doing that.

01:15:39.819 --> 01:15:41.344
That's all you guys want.

01:15:41.344 --> 01:15:45.073
Yeah, we want you to get help.

01:15:45.073 --> 01:15:45.814
Right.

01:15:46.997 --> 01:15:47.797
That's what we want.

01:15:47.797 --> 01:16:02.761
She stormed off, and then I didn't, and then that's when we had saw the news article on the yeah so after the the news thing there's, you know again, you try to make some distance there.

01:16:03.770 --> 01:16:23.564
But then not too long ago another situation arises where she's living in this rundown rv camper scenario and the walmart parking lot yeah and uh, you decide to try to do something nice yeah, I had seen try to try to like.

01:16:23.564 --> 01:16:38.197
You've distanced yourself and you're doing what's right, but you're trying to extend the olive branch to try to help because you realize she needs something, like she's in an abusive relationship now with a piece of shit

01:16:38.578 --> 01:16:43.192
addict you know, and he's abusing her and you know this.

01:16:43.192 --> 01:16:58.921
There's times where she goes missing, like there's all this crazy stuff so you know baby, kind of speak to that for everybody as to like this is like the last big attempt at trying to help.

01:16:59.181 --> 01:16:59.363
Yeah.

01:16:59.363 --> 01:17:09.640
So I had seen that she made a post out on social media that she was looking for warm clothes and she was looking for blankets and that sort of thing.

01:17:09.640 --> 01:17:19.462
So I'm like in conversation with her like just, and the conversations they're light but they're not anything like we've ever had before.

01:17:19.462 --> 01:17:31.180
So it's weird to me like she's being nice and, of course, like here I am like naive, holding on to the glimmer of hope.

01:17:32.043 --> 01:17:32.426
This could be it.

01:17:32.426 --> 01:17:32.967
This could be it.

01:17:33.007 --> 01:17:33.489
This could be it.

01:17:33.489 --> 01:17:35.515
I don't know what she's doing.

01:17:35.515 --> 01:17:40.899
I haven't talked to her, but she's talking to me in ways she's never talked to me before in my life.

01:17:41.273 --> 01:17:49.679
For anybody out there listening that doesn't also know at this point, she's a grandmother Of two, Two grandkids.

01:17:49.679 --> 01:17:57.003
She's seen Zach's baby, right, but she's never seen our little girl I don't believe right.

01:17:57.003 --> 01:17:59.077
No, or I don't know if she hasn't met her.

01:17:59.077 --> 01:18:05.916
So there's a glimmer of hope there and Dan's involved and then maybe she sees that, maybe she sees the light Correct.

01:18:05.916 --> 01:18:07.954
Dan's straightened himself out.

01:18:07.954 --> 01:18:08.738
He's involved.

01:18:08.738 --> 01:18:10.536
Maybe this is my opportunity.

01:18:10.536 --> 01:18:10.817
I can meet.

01:18:10.817 --> 01:18:11.479
I, he's involved.

01:18:11.479 --> 01:18:12.945
Maybe this is my opportunity, I can meet.

01:18:12.966 --> 01:18:13.328
I'm a grandmother.

01:18:13.328 --> 01:18:13.850
I'm a grandmother.

01:18:14.371 --> 01:18:16.972
Maybe that's the glimmer of hope and you're hoping that.

01:18:16.972 --> 01:18:19.707
Maybe this is what we need to see her take a step.

01:18:19.988 --> 01:18:24.881
Yeah, so I'm having conversations, light conversations, with her.

01:18:24.881 --> 01:18:30.554
I'm not getting into her details, I'm not getting into where you're living, I'm not so much so also.

01:18:30.935 --> 01:18:31.958
I don't know anything about this.

01:18:31.958 --> 01:18:34.231
Yeah, what you're?

01:18:34.231 --> 01:18:36.340
I'm not so much so also I don't know anything about this.

01:18:36.340 --> 01:18:40.292
Yeah, because you don't want to let me know like it's more or less, because I didn't want to get anybody's hopes up about yeah correct.

01:18:40.594 --> 01:18:53.082
So here I am just erring on the side of caution, having these like two arms length conversations away, like she's, you know, trying to be manipulative in some of the conversations, but not like you're the problem, this, that.

01:18:53.082 --> 01:18:56.274
And manipulative in some of the conversations, but not like you're the problem this, that.

01:18:56.274 --> 01:19:02.740
And the third Like some of the conversations are just light and I'm like, okay, well, have a great day, like good luck, see you later, what have you?

01:19:02.740 --> 01:19:02.981
Like?

01:19:02.981 --> 01:19:08.582
I'm not asking you where you are, what you're up to, I don't want to know.

01:19:08.582 --> 01:19:09.444
I don't want to know.

01:19:09.444 --> 01:19:15.752
And so this goes on for a little while.

01:19:15.752 --> 01:19:18.243
And then all of a sudden, and this is the dead of winter, right, let's just put that.

01:19:18.243 --> 01:19:26.220
This is like this last winter we just had and I see her make a post on social media that she's cold.

01:19:26.220 --> 01:19:28.005
I know she's homeless.

01:19:28.005 --> 01:19:29.394
I've seen the news article.

01:19:29.394 --> 01:19:36.317
I don't know where you're living, I don't know what you're doing, but you make a post that you're cold and you're looking for warm clothes and blankets.

01:19:38.190 --> 01:19:47.619
I make a post on a community page that I'm a part of and I'm like I'm looking for warm clothes and blankets for a family in need.

01:19:47.619 --> 01:19:48.703
It's all I put.

01:19:48.703 --> 01:19:50.337
I don't put anything, nobody's name.

01:19:50.337 --> 01:19:53.791
I even post my thing anonymous so nobody knows that it's me.

01:19:53.791 --> 01:20:03.717
And I have like four or five beautiful women reach out to me that are like I have blankets, I have coats, I have mittens, I have hats.

01:20:03.717 --> 01:20:09.115
I go and collect all these things and I message her when are you?

01:20:09.115 --> 01:20:14.225
I have some blankets and I have jackets and all kinds of things.

01:20:14.225 --> 01:20:24.523
She tells me I'm staying in the camper in Walmart and I'm not there.

01:20:24.523 --> 01:20:35.916
Right now I'm at Seeds of Hope getting a warm meal, which there's a local warming station in Biddeford and you can go there and they feed you three meals a day for complete free.

01:20:35.916 --> 01:20:37.916
And so she said she's there.

01:20:37.916 --> 01:20:42.122
She said just open the door and set my stuff in there.

01:20:42.122 --> 01:20:43.576
This is just before Christmas.

01:20:45.371 --> 01:20:50.661
Well, christmas comes and goes and I've been having everyday conversations with her, light conversations.

01:20:50.661 --> 01:20:53.912
Christmas goes by no message, no message, no message.

01:20:53.912 --> 01:20:56.582
A week goes by nothing, no message.

01:20:56.582 --> 01:20:57.927
Hey, did you get the blankets?

01:20:57.927 --> 01:20:59.091
Hey, did you get the jackets?

01:20:59.091 --> 01:21:00.293
Nothing, no response.

01:21:00.293 --> 01:21:01.476
No, red, no, nothing.

01:21:01.476 --> 01:21:04.850
And I'm like okay, so then I bring it up to you.

01:21:04.850 --> 01:21:08.600
So listen, hey, this is what's happening, this is what's going on.

01:21:08.600 --> 01:21:10.131
I have been talking to her.

01:21:10.131 --> 01:21:14.079
I'm concerned that she might be dead somewhere.

01:21:14.079 --> 01:21:16.551
That's the conversation that I have with you.

01:21:16.551 --> 01:21:17.434
I'm really worried.

01:21:17.434 --> 01:21:26.756
I know, based on the conversation that she's had with me, that she's not in a very good relationship.

01:21:26.756 --> 01:21:31.925
She has been seen with a few shiners.

01:21:32.350 --> 01:21:33.515
Family members have reported you.

01:21:33.515 --> 01:21:35.778
They've seen her on the bus with a black eye or whatever.

01:21:36.610 --> 01:21:38.117
I haven't seen any of it yet.

01:21:38.117 --> 01:21:42.121
But at this point I'm like, I'm concerned.

01:21:42.121 --> 01:21:48.538
So I start looking around, I start calling the jail, I start calling the hospital, I start calling people around, I don't know.

01:21:48.538 --> 01:21:56.557
I know that there is this gentleman that works at the local bus station, that gives them bus tickets so that they can go back and forth to seeds of hope.

01:21:56.557 --> 01:22:15.595
I reach out to him and he this is like a week or so after christmas, and so at this point it's two weeks after I've dropped everything off and I haven't heard anything and this gentleman tells me she is alive after he looks for her correct because the first time you call him and he's like I haven't seen him, haven't seen him, yeah yeah.

01:22:15.615 --> 01:22:22.117
So he calls me back a couple of days later and was like I found them, they are, she's alive.

01:22:22.117 --> 01:22:24.400
And I said is she okay?

01:22:24.400 --> 01:22:27.970
And he responded with she has a black eye.

01:22:27.970 --> 01:22:37.390
Yeah, um, and then a few days later he sees them, tells them hey, listen, your, your daughter's trying to reach you.

01:22:37.390 --> 01:22:39.274
You gotta reach out to her.

01:22:39.274 --> 01:22:42.520
Um and uh.

01:22:42.760 --> 01:22:44.483
So I get another facebook message.

01:22:44.483 --> 01:22:51.042
I don't know how, I don't know how, but what she says to me is that my phone was stolen.

01:22:51.042 --> 01:22:55.511
My phone was stolen and that's why I haven't been able to talk to you.

01:22:55.511 --> 01:23:02.195
But once I start getting into the conversation with her, she doesn't remember her lies because she's high.

01:23:02.195 --> 01:23:07.912
Then she tells me that her phone was broken and the truth starts coming out.

01:23:07.912 --> 01:23:18.076
I tell her I know you have a shiner, I know you have a shiner, someone's told me and they've seen you.

01:23:18.076 --> 01:23:25.698
And she tells me that she tripped over a shoe getting out of the bed and hit her eye on the corner.

01:23:25.698 --> 01:23:27.797
Like, I know these lies.

01:23:27.797 --> 01:23:29.976
You did this when I was younger.

01:23:29.976 --> 01:23:33.456
You fell down the stairs, you bumped your head.

01:23:33.456 --> 01:23:34.289
I was younger, you fell down the stairs, you bumped your head.

01:23:34.289 --> 01:23:35.676
I know these.

01:23:35.676 --> 01:23:47.184
It's unfortunate, because here's just another round of you being manipulated as you've manipulated us.

01:23:47.184 --> 01:24:08.993
So right around the time that she finally starts to message me back, she sends me a message.

01:24:08.993 --> 01:24:12.578
A couple of days had gone by and then, january 6th, she sent me a message and said I'm done, I can't do this anymore.

01:24:12.578 --> 01:24:16.324
I love you, go, be happy.

01:24:21.778 --> 01:24:25.662
So these conversations happen all the time.

01:24:25.662 --> 01:24:42.868
She's dramatic and talks like this and I literally just said to her not very nice, because I reread the message enough with the drama what are you talking about?

01:24:42.868 --> 01:24:58.576
Because if you're just telling me that you're cutting me out of your life again, okay, but the way that I'm reading into this message, you're making it sound like you're about to just end your life.

01:24:58.576 --> 01:25:05.509
Not only did I receive that message, but three other people received that message.

01:25:05.509 --> 01:25:09.304
My Aunt Janine received that same message.

01:25:09.685 --> 01:25:12.976
She calls me immediately and says have you heard from Angel?

01:25:12.976 --> 01:25:14.780
Do you know what's going on?

01:25:14.780 --> 01:25:17.927
She just sent me a message and this is what she said.

01:25:17.927 --> 01:25:19.618
And I said she sent me the same message.

01:25:19.618 --> 01:25:21.182
I can't make sense of it.

01:25:21.604 --> 01:25:22.987
She said do you know where she is?

01:25:22.987 --> 01:25:24.475
I said I do know where she is.

01:25:24.475 --> 01:25:28.801
I'm getting off of work here in about 20 minutes and I'll head over there.

01:25:28.801 --> 01:25:31.663
She says well, I'm sure the police will meet you there.

01:25:31.663 --> 01:25:34.346
And I said what are you talking about?

01:25:34.346 --> 01:25:39.131
And she said I called the police because I'm worried and I want her to do a welfare check.

01:25:39.131 --> 01:25:43.545
And the last known place that I knew she was was Walmart parking lot.

01:25:43.545 --> 01:25:48.215
Last known place that I knew she was was Walmart parking lot and that's where I sent them.

01:25:48.215 --> 01:25:52.137
And I said well, that's where she is.

01:25:52.137 --> 01:25:53.925
And so what I had done was I had left work and drove right over to the Walmart.

01:25:53.925 --> 01:26:01.801
When I got there there was two officers there and she had barricaded herself in the camper and was refusing to come out.

01:26:01.801 --> 01:26:08.390
But the only one that was out there was her deadbeat boyfriend, who was fucked up.

01:26:08.390 --> 01:26:22.863
I I can tell you that his drug of choice was cocaine and and meth, and I can put money on the fact that he had her addicted to the same thing yeah.

01:26:23.845 --> 01:26:29.865
So he's stumbling all over himself, he's yelling and swearing at the officer.

01:26:29.865 --> 01:26:36.182
He's so belligerent that he doesn't even realize that I have pulled up directly next to them.

01:26:36.182 --> 01:26:45.265
I blow my door open and I said Dustin, this shit isn't about you.

01:26:45.265 --> 01:26:53.167
He turned his head around so quick and I tell you what, if the officer wasn't there, I would have dropped him like a bad fucking habit.

01:26:53.167 --> 01:27:03.023
The amount of anger that I had based on the stupidity, the amount of anger that I had in general.

01:27:03.023 --> 01:27:07.359
And he got in my face and said who the fuck are you?

01:27:07.359 --> 01:27:10.319
And I looked at him and I said this isn't about you.

01:27:10.319 --> 01:27:17.765
This is about her in that camper who's about to commit suicide and you're not going to stand in the way.

01:27:17.765 --> 01:27:20.963
Who the fuck do you think you are?

01:27:20.963 --> 01:27:29.882
Well, I said to him I'm about the one, I'm about the only one that's about to lay you on your fucking ass if you don't get out of my face.

01:27:29.882 --> 01:27:32.216
And the officer was like whoa, whoa.

01:27:32.216 --> 01:27:33.980
And I was like this isn't about you.

01:27:33.980 --> 01:27:43.765
And he one of the officers took me aside and he's talking to Dustin and he says so, who, trying to get to know like, who am I?

01:27:43.765 --> 01:27:44.527
Why am I there?

01:27:44.527 --> 01:27:45.628
And I'm explaining to him.

01:27:45.628 --> 01:27:50.935
This is the message that I got.

01:27:50.935 --> 01:27:51.917
And he said perfect, this is the message.

01:27:51.917 --> 01:27:52.439
This is why we're here.

01:27:52.439 --> 01:27:54.202
And I said so what now?

01:27:54.202 --> 01:27:56.685
I know she has an active warrant.

01:27:56.685 --> 01:27:59.559
She's not supposed to be here in this parking lot.

01:27:59.559 --> 01:28:08.698
Are you going to arrest her, or are we going to do the right thing and bring her to the hospital to be admitted for a psych evaluation Because she wants to commit suicide?

01:28:08.698 --> 01:28:11.484
She's high, clearly he is.

01:28:11.484 --> 01:28:11.945
Look at him.

01:28:11.945 --> 01:28:12.828
He's all over the place.

01:28:13.595 --> 01:28:17.987
And the officer looked at me and said at this moment in time, I can't do anything.

01:28:17.987 --> 01:28:20.042
I said what do you mean you can't do anything?

01:28:20.042 --> 01:28:21.902
I said what do you mean you can't do anything?

01:28:21.902 --> 01:28:30.921
I have the messages on my phone and he says well, let me read the message.

01:28:30.921 --> 01:28:32.265
He reads the message and he says you and I know what that means.

01:28:32.286 --> 01:28:33.569
She didn't come out and say that she's going to commit suicide.

01:28:33.569 --> 01:28:36.398
That could mean that could that could be scripted.

01:28:36.398 --> 01:28:41.618
It could be like I just want you out of my life and I said so.

01:28:41.618 --> 01:28:42.099
Now what?

01:28:42.099 --> 01:28:44.867
You guys are just going to walk away and leave her in there and let, and I said so.

01:28:44.867 --> 01:28:45.047
Now what?

01:28:45.047 --> 01:28:46.452
You guys are just going to walk away and leave her in there and let.

01:28:46.452 --> 01:28:47.555
He says I don't know if she's in there.

01:28:47.555 --> 01:28:51.006
And I said, oh, she's in there, she's in there, I know she's in there.

01:28:51.006 --> 01:28:53.323
And he was like, if I can get permission, that she's in there.

01:28:53.323 --> 01:28:58.686
Meanwhile I'm having a conversation with the officers.

01:28:58.686 --> 01:29:03.646
Dustin goes back in the camper trying to talk her off the ledge to come outside.

01:29:03.646 --> 01:29:08.640
Goes back in the camper trying to talk her off the ledge to come outside.

01:29:08.640 --> 01:29:10.604
This motherfucker walks outside, closes the door and says she's not coming out.

01:29:10.604 --> 01:29:12.409
I looked at the officer and I go there, you go.

01:29:12.409 --> 01:29:16.023
That dumb ass just gave it away seriously I was like you can go in.

01:29:16.063 --> 01:29:21.421
Now he's like, yeah, you're right, I can, but I'm not going to.

01:29:21.421 --> 01:29:25.028
What do you mean you're not going to?

01:29:25.028 --> 01:29:27.242
What are we waiting on?

01:29:27.242 --> 01:29:29.954
Are we waiting for her to just blow her brains out?

01:29:29.954 --> 01:29:35.242
And we hear it outside, like what are you doing here, I am boiling.

01:29:35.242 --> 01:29:37.662
You just got confirmation, she's in there.

01:29:37.662 --> 01:29:41.201
You just got confirmation that she wants to commit suicide and you're just standing here.

01:29:41.201 --> 01:29:42.498
You have an active warrant.

01:29:42.498 --> 01:29:43.623
You know she's in there.

01:29:43.623 --> 01:29:45.057
You have every right to go in there.

01:29:45.359 --> 01:29:46.041
She's trespassing.

01:29:46.041 --> 01:29:47.465
She was arrested at walmart.

01:29:47.465 --> 01:29:49.657
She's not supposed to be at walmart, correct?

01:29:50.778 --> 01:29:56.868
so finally, dustin goes inside and gets her to come out.

01:29:56.868 --> 01:30:07.630
The officer says to her I'm not arresting you, I don't care about your, your petty warrant, because I know that if you get arrested, cuffed and stuffed today, they're going to release you tomorrow.

01:30:07.630 --> 01:30:10.523
So I don't really care about that.

01:30:10.523 --> 01:30:14.382
What I care about is you getting help and going to the hospital.

01:30:14.382 --> 01:30:16.427
That's what I want.

01:30:16.427 --> 01:30:19.125
I want you to get to the hospital and get evaluated.

01:30:19.125 --> 01:30:24.386
So she comes blowing out the door and she sees I'm there.

01:30:24.386 --> 01:30:27.280
All hell broke loose.

01:30:27.280 --> 01:30:31.384
Fuck, you, get out of here, you piece of shit.

01:30:31.384 --> 01:30:33.001
You did this to me.

01:30:33.001 --> 01:30:34.520
You abandoned me.

01:30:34.520 --> 01:30:36.261
You cut ties.

01:30:36.261 --> 01:30:38.563
You won't let me see my grandkids.

01:30:38.563 --> 01:30:42.684
Me, me, me, me, me, me.

01:30:42.684 --> 01:30:47.533
You're the victim, you're the victim, you're the victim.

01:30:48.555 --> 01:30:53.087
Narcissistic behavior every fucking time.

01:30:53.087 --> 01:30:54.539
And here it is.

01:30:54.539 --> 01:30:56.261
I had a glimmer of hope.

01:30:56.261 --> 01:30:58.722
I thought you were doing the right thing.

01:30:58.722 --> 01:31:01.243
You were having great conversations with me.

01:31:01.243 --> 01:31:09.847
I thought you, based on the conversations we had, I thought there might've been a chance that you might've actually listened to me to go to rehab.

01:31:09.847 --> 01:31:23.487
I thought there might've been a chance and nope, you pushed me away and told me how you really felt.

01:31:23.487 --> 01:31:25.248
This is my fault.

01:31:25.248 --> 01:31:37.698
This is my fault that you are an addict because my brother and I disowned you, because we pushed you away to keep our hearts and family safe.

01:31:37.698 --> 01:31:50.576
It's our fault that you're in this camper in the Walmart parking lot doing meth and cocaine and drinking every day.

01:31:50.576 --> 01:31:52.198
That's my fault.

01:31:54.182 --> 01:32:09.626
That's mind-blowing that the city, that law enforcement can't do anything about this, because this is one of many when it comes to these stories, these, these encampments, these, you know, transients living in campers and stuff and parking lots.

01:32:09.626 --> 01:32:14.143
This stuff is happening all over the country and they could put a stop to some of that shit, but they just don't.

01:32:14.323 --> 01:32:23.525
They just don't yeah so, um, I said to the officer I'm I'm not trying to make the situation worse.

01:32:23.525 --> 01:32:26.871
I only stopped by here to make sure that she got the help that she needed.

01:32:26.871 --> 01:32:28.341
I'm genuinely concerned.

01:32:28.341 --> 01:32:30.462
I didn't even call you.

01:32:30.462 --> 01:32:32.822
I'm not the one that called you.

01:32:32.822 --> 01:32:44.708
I just want to know that she's going to get the help that she needs, and I don't think that me being here is going to make anything better.

01:32:44.708 --> 01:32:45.940
It's only going to provoke her.

01:32:46.494 --> 01:32:48.923
And so I got in my car and I left.

01:32:48.923 --> 01:32:53.567
The detective took my information and said I'll circle back with you and let you know what's going on.

01:32:53.567 --> 01:33:02.106
And so I drove around the parking lot and I drove far enough away that I could still see what was going on.

01:33:02.106 --> 01:33:03.069
But I couldn't.

01:33:03.069 --> 01:33:13.463
She couldn't see me and I watched her throw a fit piss and moan cuss.

01:33:13.463 --> 01:33:14.145
What have you?

01:33:14.646 --> 01:33:22.543
The officer said before I drove away Angel, I'm not arresting you, I'm going to just be your taxi service to the hospital.

01:33:22.543 --> 01:33:30.100
We're going to walk in, you're going to go in, be admitted, get help you need and you can leave.

01:33:30.100 --> 01:33:35.278
You can leave, but I'm not going to arrest you on some petty warrant.

01:33:35.278 --> 01:33:37.381
I'm not going to do it.

01:33:37.381 --> 01:33:39.025
And I thanked him for that.

01:33:39.025 --> 01:33:56.824
I said because as much as I would love for her to get away from Dustin, maybe withdraw a little bit in a jail cell, maybe that was going to be enough to snap her out of it.

01:33:56.824 --> 01:34:05.028
I knew that what she really needed was help, and throwing her in a jail cell may not have helped her, but maybe it would have.

01:34:05.028 --> 01:34:06.235
I don't really know.

01:34:08.158 --> 01:34:23.341
So I get a phone call later on that day from the crisis worker at the hospital and he's explaining to me what is happening.

01:34:23.341 --> 01:34:25.806
And I'm going to tell you what.

01:34:25.806 --> 01:34:30.159
I was not nice to this man Because the shit that he is telling me.

01:34:30.159 --> 01:34:39.006
I'm baffled, baffled by what this crisis worker is telling me.

01:34:39.006 --> 01:34:44.028
He's telling me that she's going to get out because she's a manipulator.

01:34:44.028 --> 01:34:50.304
She's going to tell me anything and everything I want to hear and she doesn't need a psych evaluation.

01:34:51.346 --> 01:35:00.155
I said as a crisis worker, you should be able to see through her bullshit and realize that she needs help.

01:35:00.155 --> 01:35:03.403
She just threatened to commit suicide.

01:35:03.403 --> 01:35:05.728
I was like I want her blue papered.

01:35:05.728 --> 01:35:17.615
And if you don't know what blue papered is, blue papered means that law enforcement or family members can call the hospital that they're in or law enforcement can put the blue papered on.

01:35:17.615 --> 01:35:21.210
I don't know if it's anywhere else called blue papered, here it is.

01:35:21.210 --> 01:35:29.009
And basically what that means is that the person needs a psych evaluation, needs to be further evaluated and then go before a judge.

01:35:29.009 --> 01:35:49.595
The judge then makes the decision on whether or not that person is sane enough to return to society right or needs further evaluation, needs further treatment, needs to be admitted to a psych ward, needs a rehab, needs something.

01:35:49.595 --> 01:35:55.969
And he basically just laughed it off, basically did not take me seriously.

01:35:55.969 --> 01:36:04.284
And I said to him she's an addict, she is homeless and she's trying to commit suicide.

01:36:04.284 --> 01:36:11.826
I'm begging you to please blue paper her for her own, for her own good.

01:36:12.309 --> 01:36:15.385
Yeah, this could be her last opportunity.

01:36:16.355 --> 01:36:17.381
This is her last chance.

01:36:19.578 --> 01:36:22.764
And he said I'll see what I can do and I'll call you back.

01:36:22.764 --> 01:36:26.480
Just like that he didn't call me back.

01:36:26.480 --> 01:36:36.345
So instead I called the hospital myself, because I work for this hospital, I know the process, I know what it takes and I know what to do.

01:36:36.345 --> 01:36:42.488
I called the emergency department and I said listen, I don't want you to talk to me about the situation.

01:36:42.488 --> 01:36:44.086
I'm not on her record.

01:36:44.086 --> 01:36:44.470
I'm her daughter.

01:36:44.470 --> 01:36:45.135
I'm her daughter.

01:36:45.135 --> 01:36:46.881
I'm genuinely concerned.

01:36:46.881 --> 01:36:48.320
This is why she's here.

01:36:48.435 --> 01:36:55.725
She was brought to you by the police because she made comments about wanting to commit suicide and I want her blue papered.

01:36:55.725 --> 01:37:01.627
Please, for the love of God, I'm begging you to please blue paper her.

01:37:01.627 --> 01:37:09.359
The nurse took me seriously and she said okay, I hear you.

01:37:09.359 --> 01:37:12.726
I don't understand why that wasn't done yesterday.

01:37:12.726 --> 01:37:22.538
And I told her that I talked to the crisis team and he laughed at me like I was some sort of joke, that I didn't know what I was talking about.

01:37:22.538 --> 01:37:29.122
But the moment that I told him that I worked for the company, he changed his tune and said let me see what I can do.

01:37:29.122 --> 01:37:50.511
So at that moment that nurse took me seriously and she was taken from a standard room in the emergency room to a cell behind closed, locked closed doors in the emergency room.

01:37:50.511 --> 01:37:59.930
Where she is in there with paper, johnny, that she cannot hurt herself.

01:37:59.930 --> 01:38:04.203
She can't talk to anybody on the phone, can't do anything.

01:38:04.203 --> 01:38:06.207
She is in a cell by herself.

01:38:08.523 --> 01:38:10.368
And I called the lady back and I asked her.

01:38:10.368 --> 01:38:11.814
I said can you tell me what this was?

01:38:11.814 --> 01:38:13.820
The next day, I said can you tell me what's going on?

01:38:13.820 --> 01:38:15.185
And she said she's blue papered.

01:38:15.185 --> 01:38:27.090
The sigh of relief that I got at that moment it it's like okay, this might be it.

01:38:27.090 --> 01:38:36.404
I know that blue papering means that she's going to be in there for three to four days and then she'll go before a judge.

01:38:36.404 --> 01:38:46.118
Even if she has the ability to manipulate the staff, she's not going to be able to manipulate a judge.

01:38:46.118 --> 01:38:52.385
Right, the judge is going to see through her bullshit and they're going to say no, this lady needs help.

01:38:52.385 --> 01:39:13.600
And I, that night, I I prayed and I prayed and I said please, please, let her get the help that she needs, because I want her to get clean and sober.

01:39:13.600 --> 01:39:21.488
And I knew that this might just be the glimpse of hope that I've been holding on to, that.

01:39:21.488 --> 01:39:23.640
This might be it that I've been holding on to, that.

01:39:23.640 --> 01:39:24.563
This might be it.

01:39:28.417 --> 01:39:29.460
A couple days went by.

01:39:29.460 --> 01:39:39.881
I called back, talked to the same lady and she said to me I'm sorry.

01:39:39.881 --> 01:39:41.858
I said what do you mean?

01:39:41.858 --> 01:39:42.360
You're sorry?

01:39:42.360 --> 01:39:43.860
Wait a minute, hold on.

01:39:43.860 --> 01:39:44.557
What do you mean?

01:39:44.557 --> 01:39:45.502
Mean you're sorry?

01:39:45.502 --> 01:39:47.289
Wait a minute, hold on.

01:39:47.289 --> 01:39:47.912
What do you mean?

01:39:47.912 --> 01:39:48.454
Not you're sorry?

01:39:48.454 --> 01:40:12.006
She said they discharged her, she manipulated the system, she pissed and moaned and explained to them that she was fine and this was all Mine and my brother's fault and that she was fine.

01:40:12.006 --> 01:40:15.671
She just needed to distance herself from us.

01:40:15.671 --> 01:40:26.225
Once again she puts it on us that we're the problem.

01:40:26.225 --> 01:40:32.195
And I said to the lady I said what do you mean?

01:40:32.195 --> 01:40:38.775
She just came to you because she was going to commit suicide and you just let her out.

01:40:38.775 --> 01:40:41.060
She's blue paper.

01:40:41.060 --> 01:40:42.082
I know what that means.

01:40:42.082 --> 01:40:43.345
I work for the hospital.

01:40:43.345 --> 01:40:45.389
Did she go before a judge?

01:40:45.389 --> 01:40:47.800
She said no.

01:40:47.800 --> 01:40:52.164
She said I held strong on it.

01:40:52.164 --> 01:41:06.586
I heard what you had to say and I took that to the psych provider and let them know that you guys are genuinely concerned.

01:41:09.497 --> 01:41:25.399
And she manipulated the system and they let her out and then from that moment on, probably till recently, I didn't know where she was.

01:41:25.399 --> 01:41:31.458
She had blocked us on all social media because she said this was our fault.

01:41:31.458 --> 01:41:58.984
She knew that my aunt janine had called the police because my aunt janine tried to call her, and at the hospital and they told her that my Aunt Janine was on the phone and she said some very hurtful things Not on the phone, but my aunt could hear every single thing that she was saying and she knew that I was there when the police got there.

01:41:58.984 --> 01:42:00.948
So again, she thinks this was me.

01:42:00.948 --> 01:42:06.087
She thinks I did this all by myself and that's fine, I have broad shoulders.

01:42:06.087 --> 01:42:14.581
But I knew that I was doing what was right and I was trying to get her the help that she needed and the help that she deserved.

01:42:17.688 --> 01:42:40.546
So just a couple of weeks ago I had run into her again and I was coming home from work and she was walking across the street, looking like hell.

01:42:40.546 --> 01:43:06.809
Looking across the street, looking like hell Bleach, blonde hair, like she had just dyed it in the sink with a bottle of bleach, straight skin and bones, like a true addict.

01:43:06.809 --> 01:43:43.323
I drove past her but something inside of me told me to turn around, and I did, and I pulled up beside her.

01:43:43.323 --> 01:43:48.890
And I did, and I pulled up beside her and I didn't know if she was dead or alive.

01:43:48.890 --> 01:44:05.268
And she said to me we're hiding, we don't need you, we don't want you to know where we're at.

01:44:05.268 --> 01:44:14.006
The only thing that I'm worried about right now is my fiance laying up in a hospital bed on life support.

01:44:14.006 --> 01:44:20.782
And I said that's the only thing you're worried about.

01:44:20.782 --> 01:44:26.564
And she says yes, you guys want to keep my grandkids from me.

01:44:26.564 --> 01:44:31.118
That's fine, I don't need you.

01:44:33.262 --> 01:45:06.532
Once again, this whole situation right back on me, right, and here I am, turning around because something in my heart said turning around, because something in my heart said don't drive by, don't drive by, turn around.

01:45:06.532 --> 01:45:13.105
And all I remember is her just saying you want to keep my grandkids from me.

01:45:13.105 --> 01:45:15.681
Fuck you, fuck you.

01:45:15.681 --> 01:45:31.248
I said you will never, ever see my daughter or be a part of her life Ever.

01:45:31.248 --> 01:45:43.019
If you're going to be high, if you're going to choose addiction over us, I will never let you be a part of her life.

01:45:43.019 --> 01:45:47.668
I will never let you hurt her like you hurt me.

01:45:47.668 --> 01:45:54.947
And she walked away and said Fuck you, allison, fuck you.

01:45:54.947 --> 01:45:58.201
And I drove away.

01:45:58.201 --> 01:46:03.921
It's been months.

01:46:06.537 --> 01:46:08.644
I didn't know whether she was alive or not.

01:46:08.644 --> 01:46:18.582
I happened to run into her because I was coming home, coming home from work, and she was crossing right in front of me.

01:46:18.582 --> 01:46:23.144
Would I have stayed at work a couple minutes longer?

01:46:23.144 --> 01:46:23.966
Would I have seen her?

01:46:23.966 --> 01:46:24.028
No.

01:46:24.028 --> 01:46:25.393
Would I have put myself work a couple minutes longer?

01:46:25.393 --> 01:46:25.854
Would I have seen her?

01:46:25.854 --> 01:46:25.914
No.

01:46:25.914 --> 01:46:28.421
Would I have put myself in this situation?

01:46:28.421 --> 01:46:29.284
No.

01:46:29.284 --> 01:46:33.457
But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

01:46:33.457 --> 01:46:54.902
Addiction's hard, and it's hard on the family more than it's on the person doing the drugs, because they don't feel it.

01:46:54.902 --> 01:47:00.185
Everything they're doing is masked.

01:47:00.185 --> 01:47:09.203
They don't feel no pain, everything is perfect in their world.

01:47:13.355 --> 01:47:17.002
Everything revolves around the next fix.

01:47:17.002 --> 01:47:19.743
That's all that matters.

01:47:20.034 --> 01:47:21.059
When am I going to get high?

01:47:21.059 --> 01:47:22.143
Where am I going to get it?

01:47:24.055 --> 01:47:34.180
I think that fate puts you on that road so that when am I going to get high?

01:47:34.180 --> 01:47:39.184
Where am I going to get it?

01:47:39.184 --> 01:48:20.327
And I think that, as much as it hurts, that conversation I think should just heal things for you, knowing that you did all you could do, she made every decision she wanted to make and when it comes right down to it, you should be very proud of the fact that you stood up for your daughter and you protected her, because you know what you've been through and what she would have to go through yeah it's been a fear for us as to what life would be like for her.

01:48:20.747 --> 01:48:27.256
If you know, she was involved in her life, like knowing that she was living in the parking lot at walmart.

01:48:27.256 --> 01:48:30.947
I always questioned when I would go to the store, like what am I supposed to do?

01:48:30.947 --> 01:48:40.059
How am I supposed to act on your behalf if she tries to come over to right, you know, to talk to the baby, and stuff like that.

01:48:40.059 --> 01:48:43.488
I think that that you as much it sucks.

01:48:43.488 --> 01:48:56.639
You needed to have that conversation to realize that nothing's changed, nothing's going to change, the priorities are still the same, and realize that you've done everything you possibly could do.

01:48:56.639 --> 01:48:59.041
Yeah.

01:49:03.265 --> 01:49:11.332
I know that for quite some time you have been preparing for what you feel was inevitable.

01:49:27.283 --> 01:49:54.511
Yeah, I've constantly found myself preparing to receive a phone call that she's overdosed, knowing how deep she is in her addiction and how bad her fiancé that came up just days ago, how that, how bad his addiction was, that fed to her Right.

01:49:54.511 --> 01:50:05.345
Um, because, to be completely honest with you, I don't think it would have been as bad if she wouldn't have gotten tied up with him.

01:50:05.787 --> 01:50:06.167
I'm sure.

01:50:07.048 --> 01:50:11.765
Sure, she had her own demons and she I think he escalated what the level of drugs were.

01:50:11.765 --> 01:50:13.064
That she could get access to.

01:50:13.064 --> 01:50:18.528
Yeah, because his level of drugs were higher than what she was ever doing.

01:50:19.037 --> 01:50:22.354
As far as we know, he's on life support in a hospital today.

01:50:22.614 --> 01:50:42.454
He has been on life support for the last month due to drugs, alcohol and seizures, and I know that to be certain, and so I had to have a conversation with my brother about this situation.

01:50:42.836 --> 01:50:50.720
You had multiple family members Come to you and tell you this is the situation, because they find Angel on a bus, correct, run into her at the store.

01:50:52.479 --> 01:50:58.403
And that's the reason why I had run into her Leaving my work, because I work near the hospital.

01:50:58.814 --> 01:51:03.346
So it's confirmed by everybody around, correct, this is a scenario.

01:51:03.707 --> 01:51:04.470
Absolutely yeah.

01:51:04.470 --> 01:51:07.956
So it is confirmed that he is still on life support.

01:51:07.956 --> 01:51:13.106
And so I had a conversation with my brother just this past weekend.

01:51:13.106 --> 01:51:17.805
He reached out to me and said hey, have you heard from Angel?

01:51:17.805 --> 01:51:20.270
Do you know what's going on?

01:51:20.270 --> 01:51:23.118
And I said I don't have much information.

01:51:23.118 --> 01:51:24.484
I don't know where she is.

01:51:24.484 --> 01:51:35.336
I know she was staying somewhere in Old Orchard Beach, but I don't know where and her boyfriend, fiance, is on life support.

01:51:35.336 --> 01:51:36.518
That's all I know.

01:51:36.518 --> 01:51:42.623
And he said, okay, we left it at that.

01:51:43.463 --> 01:51:44.404
The next day I had.

01:51:44.404 --> 01:51:46.226
He said, okay, we left it at that.

01:51:46.226 --> 01:51:49.850
The next day he had called me again and we had had a conversation again.

01:51:49.850 --> 01:51:58.557
And I said I want to be very transparent with you and I want to be very brutally honest.

01:51:58.557 --> 01:52:03.104
This is not going to be an easy conversation or not.

01:52:03.104 --> 01:52:06.591
A conversation I want to have with you, but I want you to be prepared.

01:52:06.591 --> 01:52:16.828
The fact that if something happens to Dustin, I truly believe that she's going to overdose and take her own life.

01:52:16.828 --> 01:52:24.801
He didn't seem to think that that was going to happen, and good for him.

01:52:25.195 --> 01:52:37.166
I know I was also of the thinking of your brother that I was hopeful, that and I'm not hoping for someone's demise, I'm not like hoping that Dustin were to die, no, of course not.

01:52:37.166 --> 01:52:40.841
My thought was much like your brother and I'm not speaking for him.

01:52:40.841 --> 01:52:57.462
But my thought and I said to you is, hey, if Dustin actually doesn't make it, maybe this scares her straight, like maybe this is what it takes for her to realize like, wow, he was, just we were doing the same shit and now he's not here and it scared her straight.

01:52:57.462 --> 01:53:05.547
I was of that mindset and so I'm assuming your brother was thinking much like I was, that maybe this would scare her straight.

01:53:05.635 --> 01:53:14.635
But your intuition was different because you felt completely different, based off of the interactions and as well as you know her 100%, 100%.

01:53:15.055 --> 01:53:19.967
I hoped that was going to be the case.

01:53:19.967 --> 01:53:34.109
However, I'm a realist and I've been hurt too many times and I have heard the threats of her wanting to commit suicide so many times, and I'm just looking at the big picture here.

01:53:34.109 --> 01:53:36.418
She has lost everything.

01:53:36.418 --> 01:53:45.770
She claims that her children have walked away from her and abandoned her, not looking at the big picture of what she did to us.

01:53:46.112 --> 01:53:46.313
Right?

01:53:46.313 --> 01:53:46.654
Of course not.

01:53:47.154 --> 01:53:53.864
And now we're keeping her grandkids from her and her fiance is on life support.

01:53:53.864 --> 01:53:55.579
Here's the facts.

01:53:55.579 --> 01:53:59.922
Okay, I'm not trying to sugarcoat things at this point.

01:53:59.922 --> 01:54:06.006
I'm being a realist and I'm like listen, take this information how you want and how you want to dissect it, flip it.

01:54:06.006 --> 01:54:08.796
I'm being a realist and I'm like listen, take this information how you want and how you want to dissect it, flip it, I don't care.

01:54:08.796 --> 01:54:09.840
I want you to know.

01:54:09.840 --> 01:54:12.145
This is my thought process on this.

01:54:12.145 --> 01:54:15.444
I hope and I pray that I'm wrong.

01:54:15.444 --> 01:54:21.681
I hope and I pray that I'm wrong, but this is my thought process and I think you and I need to have this conversation and we had that conversation.

01:54:21.681 --> 01:54:30.015
You and I need to have this conversation and we had that conversation.

01:54:30.015 --> 01:54:35.046
He was looking at the situation one way and I was looking at it a different way, and neither one of us are wrong for thinking either way.

01:54:35.046 --> 01:54:35.630
No, of course not.

01:54:35.630 --> 01:54:46.448
We both have different relationships with her and that's why it's okay for both of us to feel this way.

01:54:46.448 --> 01:54:57.701
So the weekend passes, we have, you know, easter.

01:54:57.701 --> 01:54:58.560
Things are great.

01:54:58.560 --> 01:55:00.542
Don't hear from anybody.

01:55:02.404 --> 01:55:15.016
I go to work on Monday and I'm sitting in my office and my watch is dinging like bing, bing, bing.

01:55:15.016 --> 01:55:17.442
I'm like what is that?

01:55:17.442 --> 01:55:20.748
I'm looking around my office like what is that noise?

01:55:20.748 --> 01:55:27.027
My phone goes on work mode when I immediately get to work, oh yeah.

01:55:27.027 --> 01:55:37.722
And so the only people that can actually contact me are people that are in my favorites and you can contact me if I'm on Do Not Disturb.

01:55:37.722 --> 01:55:40.488
But at the very bottom it'll say notify me anyway.

01:55:40.488 --> 01:55:46.842
And I kept getting bing, bing, bing.

01:55:46.842 --> 01:55:49.046
Like what is this?

01:55:49.046 --> 01:55:51.055
So I pick up my phone and I unlock it.

01:55:51.055 --> 01:55:56.280
I have six missed calls, ton of text messages.

01:55:56.280 --> 01:55:57.981
Call me, it's an emergency.

01:55:57.981 --> 01:56:04.087
Call me from a friend.

01:56:04.087 --> 01:56:16.630
We talk here and there, nothing not on the daily.

01:56:16.630 --> 01:56:21.143
But then I get a phone call from somebody that I don't even talk to, I don't even ride with.

01:56:21.143 --> 01:56:28.856
We are on totally opposite spectrums of the world, like I'd love to just punch you in the mouth.

01:56:28.856 --> 01:56:30.220
Let's just be frank.

01:56:30.220 --> 01:56:42.746
Okay, I get a phone call from someone else that explains to me well, let me back up.

01:56:42.746 --> 01:56:55.354
So I get a phone call from a friend that breaks some news to me, following by another person that I don't ride with, explaining the same information.

01:56:55.354 --> 01:57:16.779
So the phone call went a little something like this this hey, I just wanted to let you know.

01:57:16.779 --> 01:57:20.268
Unfortunately, angel was found this morning in a motel room.

01:57:20.268 --> 01:57:23.375
She took her own life by overdosing.

01:57:23.375 --> 01:57:29.091
She took her own life by overdosing.

01:57:32.876 --> 01:57:46.930
The phone call that I dreaded, this entire process prepared myself for, but I guess I wasn't ready for.

01:57:46.930 --> 01:57:52.409
But I guess I wasn't ready for.

01:57:52.409 --> 01:58:00.930
And at that moment I said wait what she said.

01:58:00.930 --> 01:58:01.730
I'm so sorry.

01:58:01.730 --> 01:58:18.893
I know you don't have the best relationship with her, but the motel, they have just gotten in contact with this person that I can't stand and they're looking for your contact information.

01:58:18.893 --> 01:58:26.594
That's what this my friend had told me and I said okay, I have to call my brother.

01:58:27.753 --> 01:58:31.819
No, sooner did I hang up with my friend, did this girl call me?

01:58:31.819 --> 01:58:42.894
And with no respect did she say to me so did you hear?

01:58:42.894 --> 01:58:47.443
Did she say to me so did you hear?

01:58:47.443 --> 01:58:52.742
And I said who is this?

01:58:52.742 --> 01:59:03.686
I knew who it was and she said this is so-and-so and I said yeah, I heard.

01:59:03.686 --> 01:59:08.091
She says all right, just wants to make sure you knew.

01:59:08.091 --> 01:59:17.961
I said do you want to tell me why you are there and why you're the one telling me, hangs up the phone on me, doesn't want to tell me anything?

01:59:17.961 --> 01:59:23.421
I just want to paint a little picture here for you this girl that I do not ride with.

01:59:23.421 --> 01:59:26.202
I do not, can't stand.

01:59:26.202 --> 01:59:35.488
The girl has been going around town for years talking shit about Angel.

01:59:35.488 --> 02:00:00.520
Does not like her, does not, can't stand her Knows I can't stand this girl and I want to know why she's the one calling me to tell me that Angel has taken her own life.

02:00:00.520 --> 02:00:07.966
I don't have the answers.

02:00:13.690 --> 02:00:38.238
Immediately after I got off that phone call office with my door closed, pissed, and all I kept saying was fuck you.

02:00:38.238 --> 02:00:50.877
Fuck you for doing this to me, fuck you for hurting me one last time, because if you could have stood in front of me and done it, you would have said that to me.

02:00:50.877 --> 02:00:55.546
You would have said fuck you.

02:00:55.546 --> 02:00:59.878
That's what you would have done, because that's what you did to my face.

02:00:59.878 --> 02:01:14.444
You told me just that and this, right here you taking your own life and forcing my brother and I to pick up the pieces, is a fuck you to me.

02:01:14.444 --> 02:01:16.341
One last time.

02:01:16.341 --> 02:01:17.304
You did it.

02:01:17.304 --> 02:01:21.671
I hope that's what you wanted.

02:01:21.671 --> 02:01:23.961
I hope that's what you wanted.

02:01:23.961 --> 02:01:30.106
I hope and I pray that you didn't feel it.

02:01:30.106 --> 02:01:43.344
I hope it was quick and you didn't suffer, and I hope, now that you're not in any pain.

02:01:43.344 --> 02:01:51.845
You can join your dad right where you want to be and you're not fighting these demons anymore.

02:01:51.845 --> 02:02:19.975
Meanwhile, I'll be here to pick up the pieces and stand beside my brother, as I have this entire time of my life protecting him once again, because you couldn't do it, here I am, I got this, I've had this all along and I'll continue to be his rock.

02:02:34.626 --> 02:02:35.506
This is not easy.

02:02:35.506 --> 02:03:06.724
I've constantly found myself saying that it would be that getting the phone call, knowing that she was, that she had passed, would be easier, because I wouldn't be wondering and I wouldn't be hurting, scared on where she is, what she's up to if she's hurt.

02:03:06.724 --> 02:03:43.439
What I didn't realize is all of the anger and all of the hurt that surfaced during this process, hurt that surface during this process, all of this anger that I have just bottled up inside and put away, because I have a life to live and I refuse to let her live rent-free in my head anymore.

02:03:43.439 --> 02:03:49.248
I refuse to let her take control and manipulate me and my life.

02:03:49.248 --> 02:04:00.243
This has definitely been.

02:04:00.243 --> 02:04:07.079
A lot of emotions have come up.

02:04:07.079 --> 02:04:19.310
The hardest one to understand is that I'm not sad.

02:04:19.310 --> 02:04:28.404
I'm not sad that she's gone, for the reasonings that I said just a couple moments ago.

02:04:28.404 --> 02:04:30.506
She's not hurting.

02:04:30.506 --> 02:04:32.750
She wanted this.

02:04:32.750 --> 02:04:40.033
She wanted to be with her dad.

02:04:40.033 --> 02:04:45.255
She's been fighting these demons in her head for years.

02:04:45.255 --> 02:04:51.655
She just didn't know how to go out.

02:04:51.655 --> 02:04:56.319
This was her way of closing the chapter on her life Closing the book, I should say Not even a chapter.

02:05:01.786 --> 02:05:11.555
I have a hard time looking at overdoses and not categorizing them as suicide.

02:05:11.555 --> 02:05:25.635
To me, my mother committed suicide.

02:05:25.635 --> 02:05:28.199
Mother Committed suicide.

02:05:28.199 --> 02:05:35.734
She knew what she was doing.

02:05:35.734 --> 02:05:49.722
I truly believe this was premeditated and if this was her time to go and this is what she wanted, then so be it.

02:05:49.722 --> 02:05:59.952
But I have a hard time not looking at overdoses as suicide, and that's my way of looking at it.

02:05:59.952 --> 02:06:22.914
I'm not asking anyone else to look at this situation in that way, shape or form, but I can't justify what she did as an accident.

02:06:22.914 --> 02:06:25.537
This was her choice.

02:06:27.801 --> 02:06:30.387
I agree completely with you.

02:06:30.387 --> 02:06:52.132
I think that we often read or hear about overdoses and they don't get classified as suicide or you don't look at it as a suicide because maybe it was somebody that was like a casual drug user and they got into something that was, you know, more than they can handle.

02:06:52.132 --> 02:06:57.345
But I'm not making an excuse and I'm not justifying or defending a drug user.

02:06:57.345 --> 02:06:58.167
I'm not doing that.

02:06:58.167 --> 02:07:02.726
But I'm just saying sometimes people might be casual and they get something that's laced or something.

02:07:02.726 --> 02:07:05.181
That's not what the situation is.

02:07:05.855 --> 02:07:10.226
This is essentially a lifelong drug user.

02:07:10.226 --> 02:07:17.988
The majority of her life was as a drug user who has threatened suicide multiple times.

02:07:17.988 --> 02:07:27.768
This was the easiest way out, because I think that my assumption would be that she planned it.

02:07:27.768 --> 02:07:38.690
Much like you're saying that I'm just going to get so high that I don't have to return, and I think that there's probably been times where she's done this before, but just was surprised that she made it.

02:07:38.872 --> 02:07:40.515
Yeah, why am I still here?

02:07:40.515 --> 02:07:41.136
Why am I still here?

02:07:41.976 --> 02:07:54.610
I think that suicide is the most cowardly thing that anybody can do, because maybe it ends your story when you feel like your story should end, but you rob everybody else of your true story.

02:07:54.610 --> 02:08:10.596
You leave everybody behind to pick up the pieces to deal with it and ultimately you came into this earth.

02:08:10.596 --> 02:08:21.447
The Lord gave you a gift and you were here to share your gift, and if you end that story too soon, then you snuffed out your gift and your opportunity to make an impact on this world, and I just think that suicide is incredibly selfish.

02:08:24.056 --> 02:08:35.042
I went to one funeral in my life where my cousin committed suicide and I remember mourning until I got there and then, when I got there, I had this overwhelming sense of anger.

02:08:35.636 --> 02:08:42.405
Like my whole body got hot, my face got hot and I was just pissed and I was like, why are we here celebrating you?

02:08:42.405 --> 02:08:46.274
You did this like you caused this, like this was you, this this was you, this was your decision.

02:08:46.274 --> 02:08:50.667
You said screw you to the rest of us.

02:08:50.667 --> 02:09:06.228
And I have a hard time celebrating suicide and I have a hard time not looking at overdoses as suicide, especially when you're a lifelong drug user that knows what the hell you're doing.

02:09:06.228 --> 02:09:22.868
So I agree with you completely and I know that today's show has been a long, difficult show, but we share this and you've been bold enough and transparent enough to share this.

02:09:46.875 --> 02:09:54.530
You've been bold enough and transparent enough to share this, hoping that if Angel wasn't able to finish her story, if she ended her book too soon and she did not get to fulfill or live her purpose, that maybe you, having the courage to speak her story into existence, that maybe her legacy could be that her story saved somebody else.

02:09:54.530 --> 02:10:02.547
I can only hope, and I can only hope that if you're in a situation where, similar to what I was in, where you're constantly being manipulated, I beg you to please be strong.

02:10:02.547 --> 02:10:04.668
I beg you to please be strong.

02:10:04.668 --> 02:10:26.846
It's okay to set boundaries and it's okay to walk away and let them deal with the demons, but it's more important for you to protect yourself and protect your heart, because if you can't protect yourself, you can't protect anybody else and they're not going to protect you.

02:10:27.335 --> 02:10:51.511
There's a great lesson here in the fact that you getting out of this situation, you have built a tremendous life for yourself when you could have been most likely would have been a part of the statistic most likely would have been a part of the statistic, had you stayed in this situation, you very likely could have had a whole different story.

02:10:56.814 --> 02:11:02.926
You having the strength to remove yourself from this situation and do what you did, you rewarded yourself with an amazing life and a family of your own.

02:11:02.926 --> 02:11:18.068
I truly believe you removing yourself and being the adult and doing these things also inspired your father to do the same thing, and he's living a different life and he's fulfilling a different purpose.

02:11:19.096 --> 02:11:28.175
I honestly believe that my strength rubbed off on my brother, that my strength rubbed off on my brother.

02:11:28.175 --> 02:11:35.405
I think that he has done an amazing job at forming a life for himself, but he was also manipulated.

02:11:35.405 --> 02:11:41.295
And he also could be, could have been another statistic as well.

02:11:41.375 --> 02:11:49.046
It takes one person to be strong enough to make the decision, to make the commitment, to take the plunge, to be the difference.

02:11:49.046 --> 02:11:55.322
I truly feel like you were the catalyst for your family in making change.

02:11:55.322 --> 02:12:01.582
I want you to know, as I look you in the eyes, and tell you that I'm proud of you not only for sharing your story.

02:12:01.582 --> 02:12:06.055
I'm proud of you for being the catalyst, for being the change.

02:12:06.055 --> 02:12:14.519
I wholeheartedly believe that if you weren't the one to make the change, I don't know what the story is for the entire family.

02:12:14.519 --> 02:12:17.445
You have a different story, I feel.

02:12:17.445 --> 02:12:20.619
Your father has a different story and your brother has a different story.

02:12:20.619 --> 02:12:33.118
They all write their own chapters, they all put in their own work, but you were the one that started the positive movement.

02:12:33.118 --> 02:12:37.494
You need to be thankful and grateful and count your blessings that you had a positive effect that could have potentially saved two of them.

02:12:37.494 --> 02:12:52.202
You can't look back at Angel and her decisions and hold an ounce of responsibility, because there's proof in the pudding that everybody chooses their own actions and write their own destiny.

02:12:52.202 --> 02:13:16.661
By you being bold enough and strong enough to step out and do what you did, we can hope and think and inspire others, and sharing your story today can hopefully inspire somebody that if you're listening and you're in one of these situations, if you're holding on to a relationship, if you're holding on to a friendship because you feel like if you leave, someone's going to hurt themselves, that's no way to live your life.

02:13:16.661 --> 02:13:21.884
It's going to take your life and ultimately, they're not going to change their own life.

02:13:21.884 --> 02:13:23.085
Ultimately, they're not going to change their own life.

02:13:23.104 --> 02:13:27.451
If someone makes the decision to end their life, regardless of what you do and say, it ain't going to make the difference.

02:13:27.451 --> 02:13:29.779
You can do all these things.

02:13:29.779 --> 02:13:34.668
You might prolong some things, but true change comes from within.

02:13:34.668 --> 02:13:37.686
If you're not willing to change, you are not going to change.

02:13:37.686 --> 02:13:43.979
If you stick around praying and hoping and begging someone to change, eventually you're going to be the one that changes, but for the wrong reason.

02:13:43.979 --> 02:13:44.162
You're going to change for change.

02:13:44.162 --> 02:13:45.095
Eventually you're going to be the one that changes, but for the wrong reason.

02:13:45.095 --> 02:13:49.423
You're going to change for the worse, because you're not prioritizing yourself.

02:13:49.423 --> 02:13:51.488
Be the change, be the light.

02:13:51.488 --> 02:13:56.003
Get yourself out of the situation and hopefully you can inspire somebody else.

02:13:56.003 --> 02:14:08.631
You have the opportunity to be the mother that you always prayed you would have.

02:14:09.573 --> 02:14:09.774
Yeah.

02:14:11.155 --> 02:14:33.961
And I truly think, when we sprinkle time and distance on something and we look back at something as much as we thought we were going to have a little boy, we had the beautiful little girl that we needed, and I think that this shows you even more that this is part of fulfilling your mission, your life's purpose.

02:14:33.961 --> 02:14:37.923
This completes the circle, this makes your life whole.

02:14:37.923 --> 02:15:17.966
By doing what's right, by righting the wrongs with your own daughter, what's right, by righting the wrongs with your own daughter and, ultimately, whatever the relationship is that you have had with Angel, you can right those wrongs and change the statistics right now, and by sharing what you did, maybe her story can change somebody else's and maybe this episode can be a catalyst for change for someone else, for some other family, and that's the reason why you sat here and bared your soul today.

02:15:19.007 --> 02:15:32.685
Yeah, I want to be the strength that maybe somebody doesn't have, because I was 12 years old and had to find the strength on my own because no one would listen to me.

02:15:32.685 --> 02:15:36.725
Something deep down inside said this is not okay.

02:15:36.725 --> 02:15:38.475
Be strong and move forward.

02:15:38.475 --> 02:15:51.371
And I want that strength to come through this episode and be that strength that you need to move forward and make the change.

02:15:52.595 --> 02:15:53.338
That's all I can do.

02:15:53.338 --> 02:16:08.277
Yeah, if you're somebody out there that's struggling with addiction, maybe this story, the pain and the heartache, could be something that motivates you to make a change, to make a difference.

02:16:08.277 --> 02:16:13.387
There's strength in this story today that can show you that you can recover.

02:16:13.387 --> 02:16:17.524
There's strength in here about somebody changing their life and recovering.

02:16:17.524 --> 02:16:29.582
There's strength in here about people removing themselves from a situation and getting better, and there's also the fear and reality of remaining in a situation and what your final outcome could be.

02:16:29.582 --> 02:16:36.444
If we don't encourage you to change with positivity, then hopefully we can motivate you with fear and reality.

02:16:36.444 --> 02:16:41.263
There's a better way to live and we're all here to listen.

02:16:41.263 --> 02:16:44.684
If someone's struggling, reach out.

02:16:45.266 --> 02:16:47.975
We're always here to help and If someone's struggling, reach out.

02:16:47.975 --> 02:16:49.387
We're always here to help and to talk and to figure things out.

02:16:49.387 --> 02:17:06.695
There's plenty of resources out there, but if we could be a resource for anybody, then either one of us absolutely would be and would be more than happy to try to be a support system for someone looking to change Absolutely.

02:17:06.716 --> 02:17:08.661
It's always important to have that support system.

02:17:08.661 --> 02:17:19.559
Whether you are addicted or whether you are the family of someone who's addicted, make sure that your support group is very strong and has your back.

02:17:19.559 --> 02:17:21.684
And it doesn't have to be family.

02:17:21.684 --> 02:17:24.336
It can be friend, it can be a teacher, it can be a coworker, it can be.

02:17:24.336 --> 02:17:25.599
It doesn't matter.

02:17:25.599 --> 02:17:33.369
Just make sure that you have a support system and you're taking care of yourself before you take care of anybody else.

02:17:33.950 --> 02:17:49.577
That's important there's another lesson in here today that I'm realizing, and that is that if other people are pushing for you to get help, they're gonna be met with resistance.

02:17:49.577 --> 02:17:55.742
The system will fail them, law enforcement will fail them, the health care system will fail them.

02:17:55.742 --> 02:18:02.985
But if you are bold enough and strong enough to ask for help yourself and demand help, you will get help you will get help.

02:18:02.985 --> 02:18:06.373
You will get help.

02:18:06.414 --> 02:18:27.721
Yep, well, I know that we've gone way longer than we've expected, we've said way more than we planned, but, like we said to each other and we turned the microphone on is, we'll just see where this takes you and you get everything off your chest and hopefully that, by bearing your soul, you feel better and it helps someone.

02:18:27.721 --> 02:18:40.567
And I just got to say to you, much like I did to start the show I'm incredibly proud of you for having the strength, the courage to share your story and to let it live on forever.

02:18:40.567 --> 02:18:44.363
So I'm proud of you, I love you, and there's a little girl in the next room that is proud of you.

02:18:44.363 --> 02:18:44.585
I love you.

02:18:44.585 --> 02:18:47.618
And, um, there's a little girl in the next room that is proud of you and loves you too.

02:18:48.880 --> 02:18:49.721
Thank you so much.

02:18:49.721 --> 02:18:54.077
I appreciate that Now it's time to go to Reiki and heal this shit.

02:18:54.097 --> 02:18:59.755
That's right, I'm going to change, um, the ending of our show a little bit today.

02:18:59.755 --> 02:19:29.621
Um, as much as I had a difficult relationship with Angel and I can only imagine and fathom the relationship that you had If we try to turn this into a positive, then maybe your story can be a difference, maybe Angel's life can change somebody else's, so maybe, just maybe, that was her American dream.

02:19:31.665 --> 02:19:40.965
Maybe, so thank you for supporting Angel's American Dream.

02:19:40.965 --> 02:19:47.283
That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls.

02:19:47.283 --> 02:20:13.808
If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at loud, proud American, for the face page, as my mama calls it.

02:20:13.808 --> 02:20:28.444
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, want to find me on Instagram or all the kids by tickety-talking on the TikTok, you can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore, american.

02:20:28.444 --> 02:20:44.816
A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast.

02:20:44.816 --> 02:20:52.319
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast.

02:20:52.319 --> 02:21:03.585
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook.

02:21:03.585 --> 02:21:06.727
Just search Gut Truckers.

02:21:06.727 --> 02:21:13.630
Give them motherfuckers a like too.

02:21:13.630 --> 02:21:16.472
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

02:21:16.472 --> 02:21:21.882
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.